Pimping it for the fellas;

So I have been informed that the boys of Melt Your Face Off are doing another liveblog on Tuesday. I highly suggestion getting in on that action. Because last time it was epically hilarious. A myriad of topics were covered, mostly not relating to the game. Assless chaps, MyFreeImplants.com, inflatable bedding, new songs to Rick Roll, Willa Ford’s real name, and the origins of the Doctor Captains are just a sampling of what we covered last time. And we had a lot of time because that was the Stars/Sharks 4 OT nightmare hockey game of gloom and doom from hell. Or something. Was there really even a game? Probably, maybe.

Get in on it. All the cool kids are.

On the topic of the Chiefs. I get a text from a friend saying he saw Jared Cowen and Jace Coyle at the mall. I asked him if he told them nice job or if dudes even do that. He said no. However, “…If it had been Ulmer, we would have invited him to have dinner with us & have a slumber party.”

I would too. Stefan Ulmer’s accent is adorable.

bringing it home.

The Chiefs welcome home rally was nice and sweet. I felt bad for the boys, you could see they were effing exhausted. They came straight from Lethbridge last night and went to the arena this morning. They arrived at the Arena on their bus.

Which, by the way, could use a paint job. Unless the point is for no one to know the the Chiefs bus looks like. But the Vancouver Giants have a classy bus. I know, I saw it at the mall when I got off work. In fact, that day a few of the Giants came into where I work (Victoria’s Secret). How did I know they were Giants? They were out shopping in their green fucking tracksuits. Plus, their hair was a giveaway.

Back to my point if I ever had one.But they really were all smiles and thrilled by the fans, I think. Chris Bruton is probably exhausted from hoisting the Cup in the air for numerous photo ops.

OMG, you guys. Justin Falk wear glasses. Which look nothing like Sean Avery’s glasses. More like Stephen Colbert’s.
Also, when did Curtis Kelner lose a tooth? Sweetie, have that fixed. I bet you can borrow a tooth from Mitch Wahl.

The pictures aren’t the greatest because I am short and was nearish the back.

Look at those beards! I had to laugh when a few of the players took pictures of the crowd taking pictures of them. I think they were surprised by how many of us showed up. Because well it was 7 am on a weekday and it was a bit cold out.

Take a break, boys. Not too long though. You have a fight ahead of you.

Also, this is the 100th post. If you asked me if I thought I would have lasted this long. I would have said no. Let’s see, this all wouldn’t have been possible without…well I dunno actually. Thanks for all the support from the family of hockey bloggers. See, people really do like hockey after all. Thanks for all the peeps who read this and bear with my extremely chaotic nature.

MINE. Not yours, Lethbridge.

OMG. We fucking did it! We won the motherfucking Ed Chynoweth CUP. We have a really pretty trophy to drink the finest champagne out of! I mean, 7 up, y’all are minors.

Tomorrow morning at 7, be at the arena to congratulate the boys. Or hand them a Red Bull, I imagine they are exhausted. But then again, I imagine they are too freaking excited to sleep.

Toka, you are signing my jersey.
That is all.

More concise analysis on the docket.

PS.; Can someone get me the mailing address for the Hurricanes? I want to mail them a broom.

journalistic integrity;

I am no journalist or anything as you can tell by my chaos pocket I run here. However, I really think author screwed the pooch on this article;

Scroll down to number 14. I am fairly certain they meant to write about Drayson Bowman, and were flustered or something. Maybe they could not properly convey his awesomeness into words. I don’t know. But I know of someone besides me who can pen something about Bowman supreme fantastic nature.

Also, I am a little hurt that no Chiefs are named in the article. But I hold out on grabbing my torch and pitchfork until next week’s installment. Then you can imagine if Ondrej Roman is missing, I will start a riot.

Read number 9. That one made me laugh. For like 4 minutes.

gift giving;

Dear Lethbridge,
I bought you a present for tomorrow! I think you will really like it.

Love,
Heather

Chiefs win 2-1 in overtime. The best of 7 series is at 3-0 Chiefs.

Cock Knockers, Incorporated.

So, Loser Domi and I pretty much freaked out with awesomeness when we found out that Sean Avery would be interning at Vogue this summer. As we talked about it, the project pretty much wrote itself.

What Sean Avery Working At Vogue Will Probably Look Like. According to me and Domi.

I like to think the dialouge is fairly accurate.

What? You are a n00b who doesn’t know the origins of “cock knocker”? Go, be enlightened.

briefness;

Game 3 is tomorrow in Lethbridge.
Judd Blackwater was named player of the week.
Dustin Tokarski was named goalie of the week.

Last night’s Dallas/San Jose game went into 4 overtimes. That is just too long. Though the Melt Your Face Off live blog was hysterical.

Download This: I See You Baby by Groove Armada remixed by Fatboy Slim

god bless us, everyone.

Metsola got light up like a Christmas tree. I think we may have broken him actually. The first 3ish minutes goals were slide in by Mitch Wahl and Judd Blackwater. Then a ‘Cane hit one in. Whatever, they can have one. Though they tried to claim one before that, kicking the puck past Dustin Tokarski, which after review was waved off. David Rutherford scored in the second. Which was a quick and quiet period. Third period; Drayson Bowman scores and Ondrej Roman score.

Overall the game was neat and clean with very few penalties. I think the Chiefs perhaps were checking like they meant it. Something I politely request a bit ago. I thought the Hurricane fans in attendance was impressive given the epic length of the trip to Spokane. Roughly 8.5 hours.

For serious, how are you going to call your team the Hurricanes? Ain’t no way that Lethbridge is tropical. Or coastal for that matter.

Final damage; 5-2 Chiefs. The best of 7 series is at 2-0 Chiefs.

Why you should love Dustin Tokarski (stats taken from tonight’s program);

Chiefs goaltender Dustin Tokarski was named the Western Conference Championship MVP with four wins, two shutouts, a 1.21 GAA and .953 save percentage. In his last nine games, Dustin Tokarski has three shutouts and a 1.07 goals against average and a .956 save percentage. During the span, Tokarski had a stretch of 186:15 without allowing a goal breaking the previous record of 180:54 set in 1995-96 by David Lemanowicz in the regular season. Tokarski’s mark is fifth all-time in WHL playoff history.

Other bits;
Dear Habs,
Thanks for breaking my fucking heart. I gave you my heart and you gave me a pen! And by “pen” I mean an unreliable Carey Price in the third period!
Love,
Heather

So, for hot, sweaty Stanley Cup action I pick four teams to support; Caps, Flames, Habs and Rangers. Not exactly in that order. But there is some logic behind it. I am not one for the Avs. Forsberg pisses me off. Hating the Red Wings is like, a given. I refuse to accept Hockey Jesus as my Savior. Danny Briere is like, too emo to even function. Oh and Dallas and San Jose; it never fucking snows in your locales. Ever. The Caps gave up a fight. Ovie was actually playing in a ton of pain. On painkillers in fact, but he didn’t want to talk about it. The Flames were stonewalled. The Habs put their money on Price, who at the end of the day still is a rook and prone to mistakes. And the Rangers are about toast. Avery had an unfortunate injury but played with internal bleeding. What have you done lately? So now, who do I support? No one, probably. I am bitter and hate everyone.

that’s the hottness right there.

Drayson Bowman, you were totally brills last night. That power play goal in the first was a beauty (from Trevor Glass and Jared Spurgeon) and Lethbridge so never saw it coming. Also you know what else was brills in the first period? The Hurricanes ever impressive zero shots on goal. That is something to be proud of.

Then in the second, Bowman delivered another beauty passed by Spurgeon and Chris Bruton. Alright, so then Lethbridge finally threw a few shots up. Which were actually pretty shitty SOGs. Also, Tyler Johnson pretty much rules. He pulled off a gorgeous, gorgeous shorthanded unassisted goal. ‘Canes goalie Metsola thought he had Tyler’s number. He was wrong. Also, Metsola is jealous of Tyler’s pretty Jim Halpert hair.

Judd Blackwater continued his reign of awesome with a goal assisted by Stefan Ulmer and Justin Falk in the third. Blackwater has not disappointed in this hot post season action…

Oh and then a ‘Cane scored. Fuck that guy. He got lucky. But nothing to worry about. Final damage of 4-1, Spokane.

Also, the red out was pretty weak last night. No rally towels to be had. Instead, some weaksauce pom poms. Yeah, give a bunch of sugared up tykes some poms to fling around. Excellentttttt ideaaaaa, Chiefs Marketing.

Keep it up Tokarski.

so;

Since I have been slacking a tad and never really wrote anything about the V on Tuesday. I give you a copy and pasted scoring summary;
1. SPO Rutherford, (Wahl, Glass), 12:50
2. TRI Yellow Horn, (Procyshen), 6:59
3. SPO Blackwater, (Bruton, Reddington), 0:16
3. SPO Bowman, (Johnson, McCrae), 8:29 (PP)
3. SPO Blackwater, 19:25 (EN)

Lethbridge tomorrow and Saturday. I am presuming the red continues. Fuck those rally towels though. Those were lame.

I am actually working on writing content. Can you believe that? Yeah me either.