Archive for July, 2008

30
Jul

the pretty pretty netminder

My pretty pretty goalie has been doing lovely at camp. It’s going to be stiff competition for Team Canada goalie (oh wassup Pickard, Sexsmith and Allen..). But I am confident Toka will fill that slot. However, the ever witty Q Girl sent me a message today:

your boy was just on TV (sportscentre) being interviewed about the team canada jr camp and he had a hickie. either that or he took a stick to the neck, but it was probably a hickie. he has only been in ottawa since saturday and he has already found a skank to nibble on his neck….unless he has been making out with someone else from team red, in which case i say carry on.

And then there was video..

neck wound

LOOK AT HIS NECK! Who did that?! It wasn’t me because I leave love bites where they cannot be seen. I would have at least at the decency to let him borrow some coverup so he would look his best for the media. Btw, I love his new haircut. The faux hawk is tres adorable.

On a more serious note relating to Dustin, he was delayed getting to camp due to the passing of his grandfather. Article here, last item Q-Girl also sent me that link. The Tokarski’s are a family of goaltenders, it’s in the blood. You can read more about the line here.

Nathan over at The World of Junior Hockey has been keeping lovely tabs on the Canada camp action.

28
Jul

“do you like hockey and blow jobs?”*

“I like the girl parts of being a girl. I can enjoy cross-stitching and cock-sucking. And I can express my own opinions without being labeled a bad feminist. And I, nor anyone else, should ever have to apologize for any of it.”

-Tracie Egan

Can we have a time out for a second? Actually, it’s going to be longer than a second because if you have been here before you know when I am on a roll, no one is getting out of here in a timely manner. So just sit back and let me have my say (which might be laced with expletives and violent diction).

Just what in the fuck is your damage? Have we not already established the fact that women hold equal rights? I know it took a bit for us to get suffrage, but hey we did it (faster than Switzerland!). I think it’s pretty awesome I can get prescription for birth control and it’s no big deal if my ankles or wrists are seen by the fellas.

Perhaps I need to back up a second and explain. Lately, the go-to summer hockey blog topic has been about female hockey fans and their position in a greater sense. Well, it never really is about a woman’s role, it melts into an argument about that. See; HERE, HERE and HERE. Now, I absolutely adore these ladies for articulating their feelings about hockey. I am however, upset at these fucking slack jawed junk slut commenters. Would you please go back to your caves? Clearly you have not caught up with the evolution of the rest of humankind.

You see, I didn’t wanna flog this topic some more. But I think I have to since there are some who just do not get it. Us ladies are fully aware of the male fandom. We absolutely know we are outnumbered when it comes to sitting at the rink for a game. And that goes for most sports. We are moreso aware of the gender ratio when it comes to writing about hockey. I am certain almost every female who has started a hockey blog, had that moment of hesitation; wondering how she would be perceived by male readers and if she would be taken seriously. But then said “well fuck it” and just went for it.

Every once in a while, the trolls come up. They crawl out of the woodwork and snarl “girls can’t write about hockey” or “she needs to get back to the kitchen.” Clearly, these men never want to touch a female let alone ever have their dick sucked. Kittens, this isn’t 1950. I don’t have to starch your shirts and you don’t have to work in a coal mine, you dig? Now, I know you will want to start calling me names and bandy about the word “feminist” and you are most welcome to say this. But I will not accept any four or five letter name calling, savvy?

Your grudge against the ladies at hockey games is not cute. I am not saying men should be condescendingly sweet with the door holding and such. Because I can do things on my own, like open pickle jars and all that and I don’t expect to have some cabana boy at my beck and call (oh but a girl can dream…). But, can you please not be a fucking prick to us? Seriously, you wonder why Lorena Bobbit got chop happy with the scissors? If anyone ever questioned my motives for being at a hockey game, I’d be grabbing the nearest shiny, metal object.

So let’s just put an end to the rampant douchebaggery. Guys, this is where you go apologize to the women you spoke ill of and ask them if they would like to go out for wings and some beer; where you can talk about something else, like the instigator rule or whether or not Sean Avery should be loved or hated.

You pissed off a lot of down ass lady hockey fans. Because I would bet these dames wear teams colors every time; better yet have a sweater with the name on the back. I imagine they hate the pink jerseys with every fiber of their being. They probably don’t even text during the game, unless it’s after a goal is scored to keep a friend who is stuck at work updated. They most likely enjoy dollar hot dog nights and the soft pretzels with scalding hot chemical cheese and are mad that a bottle of water is 3 dollars.

This topic needs to be retired because it becomes an attack on character and personal beliefs with absolutely nothing being accomplished. This subject really is the NHL’s abortion argument. It’s a conversation that is hard to get many people to approach calmly and rationally. People just walk away pissed off, getting nowhere. So, let’s put the knives away and discuss something else.

As a lady who likes hockey, you have to deal with things like being called a; puck slut, puck bunny, puck fuck, hockey whore, etc. As much you can know about hockey, there will always be some guy sneering at your presence at a game, wondering your intentions. We either showed up to the game in too much make up or not enough and we look like just one of the guys. Really, it’s not fair. I am just like you, I toss my sweater on before games one sleeve at a time. The only difference is that I put lip gloss on after that.

*=Title taken from a post over at Q-Girl’s site. It truly is the best pick line ever.

25
Jul

Scandalous Stick Handling, ahem.

Wrap Around Curl: http://hockeyfan7187.blogspot.com/ Uhhh wow. Reasonable Doubt sent me that.
“dave schultz”: what. the. fuck.
Wrap Around Curl: I KNOW. It’s wildly inaccurate given Geno can’t speak English.
“dave schultz”: hahahaaaa, i love that your criticism of it is that the inaccuracy of Geno not being able to speak English hahahahaaahahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I think those fanfic stories are intended to be accompanied by battery operated devices and the finest of Boone’s Farm.

Update: so the Malkin fanfic was removed and the account deleted. This is the first time I have ruined someone’s life, I think. I did manage to snag a copy of the work before it was all removed. Though we are missing chapters 1-4. It has been suggested we just write our own missing chapters.

I think it should be acted out. Like that time on the Office where Pam found Michael’s screenplay then they did a dramatic reading of it. Can anyone do a really great fake Russian accent? And who will play our heroine? The girl who’s father owns a hockey team, yet she is a Denny’s waitress. It’s in the vein of those hooker with a heart of gold stories.

25
Jul

Hottie Hockey Dreamy Team; Showdown at Center and the Righties who get you Riled up.

hottie hockey dreamy team

Ladies, ladies, ladies. It’s time to vote. I promise the next time Jenn and I do this madness it will be quicker and hold your attention spans. Maybe even ours as well. You know the schtick. Hit it after the jump. Oh, and we have a winning left winger.

Continue reading ‘Hottie Hockey Dreamy Team; Showdown at Center and the Righties who get you Riled up.’

25
Jul

Illidan, bizzitch.

Photobucket

This is my Puck Daddy contest entry. Yeah I play warcraft. STFU.

22
Jul

Techno Tuesdays!

A friend of mine emailed me that today. It’s friggen epic.

Yeah you are welcome.

19
Jul

Wrap it up, Pens.

I really have no words for this picture Jenn sent me;
malsby

But it’s ok because Fantastic Max had the words for me…
fm3

It’s very STD sounding. It doesn’t roll off the tongue like Brangelina.

EDIT: Alright, so to shake off the summer doldrums, I ask you to come up with the most awkward/inappropriate name mashup for your own fake half and half jersey. They must currently play on the same team. No mixing teams or rosters. Tell me which team and players, in other words show your work. Do your best to split names in half or close to it. No subbing out one letter. You are free to enter as many times as you like. And next Saturday I will pick one I like best and you get a Tokarski Saves shirt. Savvy?

AND…Check out volume three of Cock Knockers Incorporated the chronicles of Sean Avery at Vogue which is a collab between Loser Domi and I. And if you are behind in the story, no worries Domi linked one and two.

While we are at it, let’s do a Get In the Box link round up;

-Q-girl muses on her hockey player love. Bonus, the post contains the best pick up line ever I will probably start using.

-Jenn and I are still doing that Hockey Hottie Dreamy Team. It’s nearly over. Kinda sorta. Vote on her page and scroll down a few to vote here on my page.

-Alix over at Humming Giraffe linked an article about her favorite Swede. Swedes are universally awesome.

-Jared of London writes about just how he became a Die Hard Blue and White.

-It is established the ladies love MYFO now can we all do them, ahem, a favor and vote for them?

-OMGWTF?TML. I love internet memes! It’s why I love the Weezer vid for Pork and Beans so much.

18
Jul

Hockey Hottie Dreamy Team; showdown of the lefties and the war for center

hottie hockey dreamy team

Ladies, ladies, ladies! Wrap Around Curl in the hizzouse. The smokin’ hot team is nearly complete. Peep the final round for battle of most luscious lefty. And the unveiling of the centers who can’t get enough of your love, baby. Perhaps I should not be writing with a few drinks in me. I like to think it punches it all up.

Continue reading ‘Hockey Hottie Dreamy Team; showdown of the lefties and the war for center’

12
Jul

breaking up the girl;

I lost the Canucks in the break up.

I am saying nothing profound when I state, “break ups suck.” Of course they do. It’s why so many people are still in relationships they aren’t happy in. No one wants to be the one who pulls the trigger. There is more glamour in being a victim in a break up.

So, I am the one with blood on my hands. I was a bit crazed. I had the bleach out and everything and I was shrieking, “out damned spot.” In the cleaning I rounded up all of his items, tossed into a box and got rid of them as soon as possible. There were tearful 3 am phone calls and sleepless nights avoided by staying up watching television. I was too emo to function.

There was something I forgot to toss in. The Chiefs season tickets.

MOTHERFUCK.

I called him when I knew I would get his voicemail. “
HigottheletterfromtheChiefsaboutnextseasonwhatwouldyouliketodoabouttheseathaveanicedayatworkokbye.”
I thought I was going to vomit. He called back quickly and I did what girls do to hide the fact they are crying; chirping about inane utter fucking shit. Weather, global warming, anything. Then actually cry once they are off the phone. I have no idea where we learn this, we just know this.

Then the conversation that should have not been face to face;

HIM: “I just don’t want there to be any awkwardness…”
ME: “Right, I totally agree…”
HIM: “And, I mean, I don’t want you to be there when I am bringing girlfriends to games.”

All bets were off. I was ready to drop gloves and perhaps fillet him afterward. I wanted to smash his precious flat screen TV, and I didn’t even care that it was his roommates. I felt compelled to snap his hockey stick. Cut the laces out of the skates that I bought for him.

But as a classy woman, all I said through gritted teeth was, “Ok, I will move my seat.”

I will be at Chiefs games next season, eyes on my pretty pretty goalie in a seat yet to be determined, by myself. But I will be there. Because, I don’t fuck around. I feel I should point out, he only went to Chiefs games because I was going. They were mine, before they were his. I have lost enough in this breakup. He can have the Canucks. But I refuse to let him have the Chiefs.

The Canucks were always his team. I liked them and all, but I was never totally committed to them. they never felt like mine. I was always the girlfriend that liked them by proxy. I mean, the Sedins are pretty cool and it would be seven minutes of heaven in a closet with Alexandre Burrows.

Fuck it. I don’t want them anymore. It’s probably a good time for me to jump ship since I have no clue what the hell they are doing next season. Locking up Sanford? Are you shitting me? Really? Sanford? Canucks, do you hate your fans? Do you like to torment us as much as possible? Can I sue you for driving me to have, what will probably be, full blown alcoholism by November? Are you the latest tool of Gary Bettman? Is he going to shut you down and move you to fucking Hawaii? Are you going to be renamed the Oahu Pineapples or some shit?

You want the seats? Take them. I want the Luongo jersey back.

Markus Naslund wasn’t the only one who had a bitter breakup this summer.

your team here

Start making your cases, boyos. Homegirl needs to know who to watch on Center Ice next season.

“it’s drag and I know it’s hard…”

EDIT: If you slogged through all that, please do me a favor and help Q-girl pick a new goalie boyfriend. AND THEN; vote in mine and “dave schultz” Hockey Hottie Dreamy Team Contest. You can vote here and then here on my page. I love promoting my friends.

11
Jul

hockey hottie dreamy team: leftwinger smackdown

hottie hockey dreamy team

It’s that time again. We already filled the netminder slot (ha!). The score for defensemen has been settled and now it’s time for the next round of leftwingers.

After the jump see the winning defensive pairing. Oh it’s a hot one.

Continue reading ‘hockey hottie dreamy team: leftwinger smackdown’




Thanks for the legacy, Leitch

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