“do you like hockey and blow jobs?”*

“I like the girl parts of being a girl. I can enjoy cross-stitching and cock-sucking. And I can express my own opinions without being labeled a bad feminist. And I, nor anyone else, should ever have to apologize for any of it.”

-Tracie Egan

Can we have a time out for a second? Actually, it’s going to be longer than a second because if you have been here before you know when I am on a roll, no one is getting out of here in a timely manner. So just sit back and let me have my say (which might be laced with expletives and violent diction).

Just what in the fuck is your damage? Have we not already established the fact that women hold equal rights? I know it took a bit for us to get suffrage, but hey we did it (faster than Switzerland!). I think it’s pretty awesome I can get prescription for birth control and it’s no big deal if my ankles or wrists are seen by the fellas.

Perhaps I need to back up a second and explain. Lately, the go-to summer hockey blog topic has been about female hockey fans and their position in a greater sense. Well, it never really is about a woman’s role, it melts into an argument about that. See; HERE, HERE and HERE. Now, I absolutely adore these ladies for articulating their feelings about hockey. I am however, upset at these fucking slack jawed junk slut commenters. Would you please go back to your caves? Clearly you have not caught up with the evolution of the rest of humankind.

You see, I didn’t wanna flog this topic some more. But I think I have to since there are some who just do not get it. Us ladies are fully aware of the male fandom. We absolutely know we are outnumbered when it comes to sitting at the rink for a game. And that goes for most sports. We are moreso aware of the gender ratio when it comes to writing about hockey. I am certain almost every female who has started a hockey blog, had that moment of hesitation; wondering how she would be perceived by male readers and if she would be taken seriously. But then said “well fuck it” and just went for it.

Every once in a while, the trolls come up. They crawl out of the woodwork and snarl “girls can’t write about hockey” or “she needs to get back to the kitchen.” Clearly, these men never want to touch a female let alone ever have their dick sucked. Kittens, this isn’t 1950. I don’t have to starch your shirts and you don’t have to work in a coal mine, you dig? Now, I know you will want to start calling me names and bandy about the word “feminist” and you are most welcome to say this. But I will not accept any four or five letter name calling, savvy?

Your grudge against the ladies at hockey games is not cute. I am not saying men should be condescendingly sweet with the door holding and such. Because I can do things on my own, like open pickle jars and all that and I don’t expect to have some cabana boy at my beck and call (oh but a girl can dream…). But, can you please not be a fucking prick to us? Seriously, you wonder why Lorena Bobbit got chop happy with the scissors? If anyone ever questioned my motives for being at a hockey game, I’d be grabbing the nearest shiny, metal object.

So let’s just put an end to the rampant douchebaggery. Guys, this is where you go apologize to the women you spoke ill of and ask them if they would like to go out for wings and some beer; where you can talk about something else, like the instigator rule or whether or not Sean Avery should be loved or hated.

You pissed off a lot of down ass lady hockey fans. Because I would bet these dames wear teams colors every time; better yet have a sweater with the name on the back. I imagine they hate the pink jerseys with every fiber of their being. They probably don’t even text during the game, unless it’s after a goal is scored to keep a friend who is stuck at work updated. They most likely enjoy dollar hot dog nights and the soft pretzels with scalding hot chemical cheese and are mad that a bottle of water is 3 dollars.

This topic needs to be retired because it becomes an attack on character and personal beliefs with absolutely nothing being accomplished. This subject really is the NHL’s abortion argument. It’s a conversation that is hard to get many people to approach calmly and rationally. People just walk away pissed off, getting nowhere. So, let’s put the knives away and discuss something else.

As a lady who likes hockey, you have to deal with things like being called a; puck slut, puck bunny, puck fuck, hockey whore, etc. As much you can know about hockey, there will always be some guy sneering at your presence at a game, wondering your intentions. We either showed up to the game in too much make up or not enough and we look like just one of the guys. Really, it’s not fair. I am just like you, I toss my sweater on before games one sleeve at a time. The only difference is that I put lip gloss on after that.

*=Title taken from a post over at Q-Girl’s site. It truly is the best pick line ever.

53 thoughts on ““do you like hockey and blow jobs?”*

  1. I think these dudes’ real problem is that they aren’t getting laid. Other option: they haven’t figured out that you have to at least be kind of nice to get that aforementioned blowjob. I mean, if a girl is a puck bunny, you already have a common interest; why hate on that? Use it to your advantage!

    But in all seriousness, this was a good post and I don’t think it is flogging a dead horse because I actually wasn’t really aware of it. It should also be understood that people on the internet tend to go overboard because of the anonymity of the whole affair. Get that same dude to sit down and talk to you and he wont say a word of this shit. It all comes back to the usual human vices that we have been trying to solve since time immemorial.

    I think a step in the right direction is to understand that the internet actually IS serious business and is a legitimate form of communication. Your not just spouting your hate into the ether; people are reading it and their feelings are getting hurt. If we can all recognize that there is no difference between saying something in person and leaving a comment on a blog then we are taking a step towards a more civil world.

  2. I can’t believe how many fucked up, sexist comments there were on the Yahoo blog. I’m not a feminist–a lot of women are BITCHES–but seriously? It’s the 21st century, guys. Stop being so butthurt that you have to share a sport with women now. Sports aren’t ~*supar seekrit forts*~ with “NO WIMMINS ALLOWED” signs on the front, they’re national sports. National usually means an entire country, right? Or am I just mistaken because I barely have an education because I have to stay at home and clean? ADURRRR.

    I’m sure a lot of guys look down at me on the hockey sites I post on (I’m sixteen AND a girl, OMG AUTOMATIC PUCK BUNNY LOL), and it sucks that it feels like I have to work twice and hard just to get the respect I deserve. It all falls down to, really, stereotyping, and because of that I don’t think things will change. But srsly, guys should at least make a little bit more of an effort and ya’ know, think before posting. The kitchen jokes haven’t been funny in decades. If you’re going to insult women as a whole, at least come up with something a bit more clever.

    Aforementioned in the comments, I don’t understand why a lot of guys are so put off at the idea of a female hockey fan. If a chick genuinely likes hockey**, why is it a problem? A girl that can counterpoint you in a conversation about hockey should be a double bonus! Not only would the girl be, well, a girl with all the fun stuff, but you can sit down and argue about save percentages and why your defense sucks ass! It’s like a two-in-one special, and we all know how cheap guys are (I can come up with my own [bad] sexist jokes, too >_>)!

    I didn’t mean to make this into a tl;dr post (eyebleaf still holds the record, though ;D), but some topics just really grind my gears.

    **I’m not saying that in a bad way–because let’s be serious here: girls aren’t the only ones that gush over hockey players–but I’m sure a man can find a bit more in common with even the most casual female hockey fan than one that just wants to molest Sidney Crosby.

  3. The views expressed by Yahoo! commentors are not reflective of anyone. Except idiots.

    We may, er, objectify the female form over at FHF, but we have nothing but respect for all female hockey fans, and our many female readers. Just as passionate as the XY chromosomers.

    Well said WAC. So, do you like…stuff?

  4. Fact: I have been shamed and or whooped in many a hockey knowledge / fan off by several womens enough to make me feel like I only warrent puck bunny status (it makes me feel pretty).

    Fact: A fan is a fan is a fan, unless your a Sens fan.

    Fact: Shiny metal objects are the solution to all life’s problems.

  5. Hey, we here at the head office will take any fan who wants to watch. XX dollars are just as valuable as XY ones. Besides, if we didn’t have female fans, who would we sell all those pink jerseys to?

  6. “rampant douchebaggery!” I LOVE IT! I hope you don’t mind if I adopt that phrase to describe the atmosphere when I go to a Flyers game with my friend in Philly later this year! And yeah, we’re both girls (who shudder at the thought of pink jerseys- Pink is too close to orange in my book anyway, and I bleed black and gold!)

  7. Wrap, you get better every day.

    I understand the anger, but it’s sort of wasted on those go-make-me-a-sandwich ijits. They’ve totally missed out on a little slice of heterosexual male heaven–smart ladies who like sports are where it’s at, fellas. Don’t know about you, but it makes me a little hot when my wife yells at the left tackle for missing his blocking assignment.

    As for why these guys are the way they are…well, there are only three things that motivate men (yes, we are really that simple). Food, Fucking and Fear, the 3 Fs.

  8. “We absolutely know we are outnumbered when it comes to sitting at the rink for a game.”

    I’m pretty down with the amount of females at Sabres games. We’re pretty much a free for all in Buffalo. I know we have plenty of kick ass female bloggers! The message boards are what kills me. I’ve been mistaken for a guy a few times. Not cool. They don’t bother to check your profile… which says if your a male or female. They just assume you’re a guy if you have something interesting to say. And I correct them. I’ve gotten an apology every time. Once there was a guy that called me trash though. I’m still confused as to why. He also thought I was a a spy for our team owner. He clearly had issues.

    Bonus: We don’t have ice girls. I’ve heard we had them a long time ago for a short period of time and we realized it was lame. I love my team. We love hockey for the pure sake of hockey. <3

    (*I love how the Pittsburgh fan said she wants to go cry with Susan B. Anthony. I second that.)

  9. “Don’t know about you, but it makes me a little hot when my wife yells at the left tackle for missing his blocking assignment.”

    amen, brother.

  10. I like your blog and attitude.

    I am a long way away in the far east, a Montreal kid to start. But I like to follow the Habs as I’m homesick.

    But one thing:

    Don’t ever joke about that Bobbit thing. It really is unfair. That was really horrible.

    How would you like it if we even mentioned cutting you because we were angry? Not so much huh? So please, everyone laughs about that Bobbit stuff, but it’s not funny at all.

    Yes the asshole probably beat her and was cruel. He deserved a right good beating, to death if required, and a quick nasty divorce, but no one, no man or woman, deserves cutting like that, so let’s end the jokes about it. It’s not fair to men, and we are trying to be fair to you.

    Believe it or not, it scares us when you talk about that, just as it would scare you if we talked about cutting you in some violent way. We are all Human.

    Enough serious stuff, I do like your blog, and I hope you pick up a stick and play the game too, it’s lot’s of fun, and lots of women are very good at it.

    Cheers!

    Jeff in Hong Kong

  11. This makes me want to comment for a multitude of reasons.

    I have dated female hockey players, female hockey fans, and “pucks” (or whatever clever name you want to call them), as I’ve played hockey most of my life. (Not very well… just played….)

    I think a big part of the entire thing is that “men” don’t want to admit that women can be equally as knowledgeable about *gasp* a sport! Like I said, I’ve played most of my life, and obviously been a fan most of my life, but have never turned down passing knowledge onto a girl simply for the fact that I feel superior to them. I’m also a pretty nice guy though, but if someone is interested in something I like, even better! (Though playing hockey with someone you’re dating is not such a good idea… maybe I’m just bitter). And if I meet a girl, take her to a game, and don’t have to explain offside’s and icing more than 5 times in a game, I think I might just hop on the jumbo-tron and propose right there.

    I like to escape as much as the next guy, but don’t feel like I need to prevent someone from enjoying the best thing ever so I can enjoy it in solitude or with my boys. That’s just…. well… retarded? But… I’ll be the first person to point out that stereotypes do exist for a reason. I hate that you get bunched into the “pucks” category, but most of those girls haven’t the slightest clue about hockey. They just like the cute boys with cute hair (I promise that’s not a veiled comment ;) )

    But… I like hockey. And the occasional blow job (if done right) is a nice bonus. So… sign me up? ;)

  12. You are absolutely on the money and no this is not beating a dead horse or mule. It needed to be said and you said it. I always like a person with a bit of an edge and you definitely have it lady. I respect female hockey bloggers more because of what they have to endure just to be taken seriously. Awesome post!

    Now for that bj part….sign me right up! :-)

  13. Jeff: Sorry, but you’re wrong. Bobbit is hilarious BECAUSE it’s scary. If you can’t laugh at your fear, it owns you. It’s the Americas-Funniest-Videos football-to-the-groin to the nth degree.

    And come on, the guy went on to be in PORN! That’s shit you can’t make up.

  14. Wow. Who says nothing happens in the offseason?

    Fantastic rant Wrap (and believe me, I know from rants)! Personally, I don’t give a shit which extraneous body parts someone may have, or where those parts are located. If you can talk the game like you’ve actually seen more than one, you’re my kind of people.

    As for the knuckle draggers on Yahoo…do us other guys a favour and just shoot yourselves. Not only do you pollute the gene pool, but you also make the rest of us look bad. And I have enough trouble getting a blow job as it is. But then again, I’m married…

    Wait. What?

  15. wrap, the more I read you, the more I love you. Among the worst parts of this topic is you can craft such a great post like this and it feels like the people you’ve directed it to aren’t going to read it anyway. It’s like a wasted effort in a way, like they’ll just say “tl;dr, get me a sammich”, etc. An English teacher I adored left some “words of wisdom” as she signed my yearbook, and among them was the true gem of “ignore most people”. It’s been among the best advice I have ever gotten, along with “always look for paper before you sit down.” Besides, even though it seems like there are so many trolls who say shit like “leefs suck lolz get in de kitchen!!!!!!!!!”, I know that they’re really just trying to get their rocks off by thinking the WEb means nobody can find you and squash you like a bug and therefore you can do what you want. Whatever. I’ve been bullied and I’ve gotten so much shit from other people that now I’ve learned that it’s just noise. You want to be an asshole, fine, but I won’t be the reciver of that kind of shoddy treatment.

    I realize this was a bit long and may not make sense, but it seemed right.

  16. Great post. The more I read this blog, the more I like it.

    I don’t know about the “gender ratio when it comes to writing about hockey”, but what I know is that when it comes to quality, some of the finest hockey blogs out there (or at least a lot of the ones I enjoy the most) are written by women.

  17. That was a well thought out great rant, and was a joy to read as always.

    In my own personal thoughts I think, that the fear of women in the fandom of sports in general has always had followers who will be there just because they’re male chauvanists. But at the same time, I think this resounding wave of “pink-clothing” fans has begun to gnaw away at people, because in this shitty economy, when actually getting to a game is beoming more and more of a luxury, some of those oppertunities are being taken away by “fans” who couldn’t even tell you what’s carved into the Stanley Cup, and go simply to be seen, and it’s led to this irrational expansion of that fear that because when you did get to a game, you sat next to a woman who wanted to know why the goalie didn’t skate over with the rest of his team when they were on the opposite side, and who whapped you in the head with her tank-sized purse as she made one of five trips to and from the bathroom, that every other woman in the arena must be like that.

    But like I said..it’s just my theory (well except for the tank-purse part, those damn things really do need to be left at home : P )

  18. Dude, well played, Wrap. Well played indeed… If one more fucktard at a Habs game calls me a fucking dyke/ostie de lesbienne, I will use my pretzel to fling my toxic cheese sauce at his head.

    However, they don’t seem to do it as much when my fiancé is around… hmmm…

    And is it okay if the texting that I’m doing is to Panger76 who is stuck in Calgary? It’s both a way to keep the poor schmuck updated, as well as a way to rub it in that he moved away from Mtl the year before I got me my seasons tix…

    … which, by the way are in MY name and not the fiancé’s!!

  19. @ LG77: I am totally down with texting updates. I am not down with texting the whole time stupid crap. Because it’s hard to see a game that way. Hahaha.

  20. The only time I do something other than watch hockey is during the ridiculong intermissions. I either go on AIM on the phone or play Pokemans on my GBA. The 17 minutes between periods gets rly boring after a while, so I have to do SOMETHING. But once that puck drops and game is back in play, my eyes are on the game; nothing else.

    Oh, and I would not be opposed to the NHL obliterating the pink jerseys. If you’re going to shell out money on a jersey, pay the extra money and wear the damn team colors. It’s cute on little girls — no one else.

  21. @EWS: It’s ok, during our 20 minute break I bust out my DS for some Tetris or Mario Kart. One time there was a kid a few seats away from me on his DS. We shared a few rounds of Mario Kart. Because I rule.

  22. If the slash fiction is to be believed, hockey and blow jobs go together like peanut butter and jelly.

  23. That is one fucking epic post. I’m a guy who has only been reading your blog for a few weeks, and that was just about the greatest rant I’ve ever seen on a hockey blog. Please know that there a lots of guys who would LOVE to have more women at hockey games, or discussing hockey with them (in fact, I’m pretty sure I could come up with a decent fantasy involving going to a Pens game surrounded by only women… but we’ll dispense with the creepiness for now). Bottom line: funny, hockey-loving women are to be treasured, and I can get in the kitchen make myself a fucking pie if I want one. The only group of hockey fans that deserve to be shamed and ridiculed are Leafs fans.

  24. AJ, I greatly appreciate the love. And I’d love for you to bake me a pie. Be nice to my Leafers, they are some of the kindest bloggers and people out there and take up a good bit of my blog roll. I am glad you are a regular. Keep on coming back for more.

  25. AJ, you were such a sweetheart until you dissed the Leafs. Hell, even I wanted to go to a game with you. Until you totally dished out that low blow against us Leafs fans. We have it bad enough man, so why you gotta hate? Jeez. So much hatred. It ain’t good for you, man.

  26. Haha… no true disrespect for the Leafs intended, just good-natured prodding. I actually grew up in Toronto (Oakville, to be accurate), surrounded by an endless sea of Leafs fans, so if I harbored any actual hostility, I would have found myself totally friendless in high school.

  27. If one more fucktard at a Habs game calls me a fucking dyke/ostie de lesbienne

    Lawyergirl: Très harsh. I so want to give you a non-lesbian hug.

    Wrap: Tetris and Mario Kart… ??!!!! I love it. I’ve never played on the DS though. haha

  28. I know outrage is the new black and all, but you folks do realize that most of the caveman he-manny bloggy comment stuff is written by 13-year-old boys, right?

    Also, wimmen who dig hockey = totally hot. Maybe even hotter than girls who rock the slide rule. And that last one wasn’t even a double entendre.

  29. I occasionally get tired of linking Penny Arcade’s Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory, but it’s so Goddamn applicable in so many circumstances, it’s quickly become a go-to point-maker.

    People on the Intertubes are, in most cases, dicks and thirteen-year-olds. The guys who visit and comment on blogs like this are generally perfectly well-adjusted people who get just a little extra, um, excitement when they find out that the hot chick also digs hockey. The rage is understandable, but just remind yourself that they don’t know any better, and that they are to be pitied, and everything will go so much smoother.

    (As for hockey and blowjobs, they do go together well, but the latter should be held off until intermission of the former to avoid distraction for either party; it’s not like anyone gives a flying shit what Mike Brophy or Al Strachan has to say, anyway.)

  30. @ Doogie: Oh I am familiar with John Gabriel’s theory. My go to linking strip is the “I hope you like words” strip. I will be at PAX in August.

    Thank you for the kind words and stop by again. And intermissions are for sure for fellatio.

  31. Nothing to add – great comments (and an apt illustration of why I avoid Yahoo and that ilk). I deal with enough idiots and mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging troglodytes as it is – I don’t need that stuff on the internet.

  32. Love you, wrap. LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

    But then again, I’m married…

    SLC, you know I think you’re awesome but for your sake, I really hope your wife doesn’t read your comments.

  33. Great post! I wasn’t aware of the level of hater-aide being dished out in the blogger world toward female bloggers, but now that I’m all caught up, I’m mightily offended. Nobody should have to put up with that stuff, even Beige Wings fans!

    Me and the rest of the tripods over in our little Avosphere completely rely on one of our fellow bloggers, Jori, for all knowledge when it comes to our Avs prospects. She’s a vital cog in our machine of meaningless internet proliferation. Anybody who would speak ill of her or her knowledge just because she has a factory installed hood ornaments is a prime candidate for the swift execution of natural selection.

    And for the record, I’m a fan of blowjobs too! Just not from Fauxrumors…too much teeth!

  34. Yes, it is messy business that sucks we even have to address at time. But I am glad it has been well received. At least by the right kinds of people.

    I don’t think the Avs drafted any of my Spokane Chiefs. One player the Avs should keep an eye on for the next draft is Jared Cowen.

    Fauxrumors got banned around these parts for not playing nice after being warned. There were comments removed that were worse than the ones on Puck Daddy.

  35. omg, STANDING OVATION.

    i think i love you. like ryan seacrest brand of love.

    Because I would bet these dames wear teams colors every time; better yet have a sweater with the name on the back. I imagine they hate the pink jerseys with every fiber of their being. They probably don’t even text during the game, unless it’s after a goal is scored to keep a friend who is stuck at work updated.

    and btw, that is so me.

    <3,
    finny @ girlwithapuck.com

  36. This was SO spot on.

    And WHERE are all they guys who LIKE hockey chicks? One of you needs to look me up. LOL

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