I do not advise playing hockey in hookercouture.

I happen to be something of a reality show afficianado/junkie/obsessive. My forays into Project Runway and America’s Next Top Model have been batted around here a few times. I have quite the intense relationship with Vh1. It’s good to me. It’s adequately trashy and brainless with the occasional nuggets of smarts. This episode of Rock of Love: Tour Bus of STIs (sexually transmitted infections, not super turbo injections) finds the chicks somewhere in Illinois. I think the town was called Champagne to the delight of the boozers of the group which is all of them. The challenge was to protect Baby Brett, on ice. And honestly. EW;

I think this could serve as effective birth control.

I think this could serve as effective birth control.

Brett, that is one wackass weave. I mean really. And that eyeliner, egads. Put it down. Just stop, really. Now let’s met the ladiesssssssss…..

there must be some Toros in the atmosphere.

there must be some Toros in the atmosphere.

not naturally occuring.

not naturally occuring.

her cups runneth over....

her cups runneth over....

They have names. I didn't take notes. Brittni? Tiffani? Brandi? Does it matter?

They have names. I didn't take notes. Brittni? Tiffani? Brandi? Does it matter?

"oh like....does she like have a concussion?" "that's a bummer"

"oh like....does she like have a concussion?" "that's a bummer"

medical scare! potential popped implants!

medical scare! potential popped implants!

This episode actually had more hockey in than Pucked did. Which says something. But both had past their prime rockers, no points awarded? The goal was to maneuver Baby Brett between the pipes and there was some point system. It couldn’t be that easy as some chicks who actually can play were brought in to break up the monotony and inflict pain. Ohhhh and pain for sure happened. Ripped out belly rings! Ruptured fake boobies! Concussions!

I thought bellyrings went out like, circa Britney's I'm a Slave For You.

I thought bellyrings went out like, circa Britney's I'm a Slave For You.

This is the real gem of the show which I ninja recorded to share with you my darlings;

UPDATE: Wysh linked this on Puck Daddy then VH1 filed a claim on it on YouTube within like five minutes, despite the fact it had already been up for about 4 days. My first copyright infringement! WOOOOOO. Sorry, the vid is gone. I will see if I can upload it elsewhere.

That is right. She would have been an Olympian if she didn’t have to hang up her skates. But she is ok with the fact she does porn now, ok? Right?!

I just might have to go back and snatch the footage of the chick freaking out with the EMT about her possibly leaking boob. “Are they uhhhh silicone or saline?” “How am I supposed to know that?””Get an X-ray.”

What did the winners get out of this? A date with Brett at a strip club. Wherein he strongarmed them to go on stage and dance about. A few had no probs with this request. While one was smart enough to realize; 1. she has kids 2. she is in a strip club 3. this is being recorded and 4. the whole joint shouldn’t see her twazila for free, that’s just economics.

One of the chicks, for reasons unknown, stole all the used hockey socks after the game and stashed them in a pillow case on the bus. In the confessional she insisted she asked the people at the rink if she could have the used socks. And really I don’t need a punchline because that is just too weird.

Really, Sean Avery should have cameo’d on this epi of Rock of Love. But I think even he has standards.

15 thoughts on “I do not advise playing hockey in hookercouture.

  1. Haven’t really skate in years but I’m pretty sure I could do better than miss “I could’ve been Olympic skater”. Maybe I should start training… Anyone has Alexei Yagudin’s phone number?

    Brett wears more makeup than what I do…

  2. 4. the whole joint shouldnโ€™t see her twazila for free, thatโ€™s just economics.

    hahahhahahhaaaaaaa

    Her “o face” scares me.

  3. I’ve always wanted my belly button done. I tried 3 times and my body just wasnโ€™t going LET it be done. So naturally as a female I want what I can’t have.

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