I was cruising through Puck Huffers and they tipped me off to the existence of the Scarlet Caps, which is the female version of the Washington Capitals site. UGH. This might be more offensive than pink jerseys. THE WEBSITE LOOKS LIKE A BROTHEL. No really. Go look, it’s crushed velvet everywhere. And then there is the headshots of the talent, I mean escorts, no wait hookers. Oh, the players. Huh. This is site is apparently about hockey. I don’t get it. Clearly the person running this madness believes presenting hockey in the format of a Cosmo mag or Sex and the City is THE way to get the womenfolk in on this. And why is it called scarlet? Is it like harlot? Because all women are whores? I mean there is the whole, I dunno, Scarlet Letter and being an adultress. And you know? I have referenced that book in posts a few other times which is crazy given how much I hate it.
hey babe, I got tattoos...
Ok so real talk; I sorta have a thing for Mike Green. But this picture. Uhhhh no. I no longer have a thing for him. And that tattoo bicep thing makes me giggle and as for tribal ink, on most dudes that’s a “danger, douche rocket” alert. And his hair is lacking the anime pop that I used to find so charming. I think I might be over him.
hey babe like my big...composite stick?
I feel like Tyra Banks for what I am about to write. Milan you have excellent and dynamic bone structure you just need to know how to work it. See, I have a huge forehead and when I was in Paris modeling I needed be be less RAWR and more Ahw soft and subtle. You see the difference? Do that with your chin. You can take Ahhhhhmazinggggg pictures, but I don’t know if you have what it takes to be America’s Next Top Model.
hey babe...this is my thoughtful face.
“So join now, ’cause at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there’s more to life than just being really, really, really good looking. Right kids?”
hey babe...vampires are so in
I think it’s only fair that for any dude who has been involved with Paris Hilton that their bio comes with some sort of STI/STD warning and perhaps some Valtrex. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE SHAVE YOUR FACE. It looks awkward. You like an extra for Twilight. Not that I would know at all. I am just saying you look like a super, low rent bargain basement version of the vaguely hot dude from Twilight the media tells me to like.
hey babe...zippers are easy.
His hoodie doesn’t have a shirt under it. It bugs me sooooo much. Am I supposed to undress him with my eyes or something? Honestly Shaone looks like a bleary eyed gamer who was interrupted in the middle of grinding out rep for a really sweet two hander epic. A Rockstar and some Doritos should perk him up.
At the end of each bio I was surprised there wasn’t a eHarmony link so they could match the dudes with someone who looks like their sister and then they could get married and talk about their dog and how they love doing Sudoku together for a Friday night date. No really I “get” the concept of catering the game to the ladies but for those of us who already are fans, it feels like a smack in the face. I understand the need for chicks to feel some comfort in the sport. But the eye candy pics and ridiculously girlie wallpapers. I am half surprised the site doesn’t have sparkles and My Little Pony. It’s all so Chippendales, minus the tearproof G-strings. C’mon NHL, treat your dames better…
27 responses so far ↓
Kimberlass // February 25, 2009 at 7:12 am
How could you not love that Family tat? It clearly shows how committed he is to…uhh…
family.
roshacla // February 25, 2009 at 9:24 am
I like how they got the whole team to pose. Think of all the ladies that will go to that site and see Donald Brashear putting on his sexy face. What broad could resist that?
Ryan // February 25, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Jurcina’s almost uni brow really bothers me
tanya // February 25, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Who knew Nylander was so full of sexiness… I’m so gonna have nightmares
Number31 // February 25, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Jose “Rogaine the Vampire” Theodore! Hilarious…
ms.conduct // February 25, 2009 at 2:31 pm
OMG, I didn’t actually GO to that site before I posted about it on my blog… I’m gonna have to retract my sentiment that they’re on to something there in DC. That’s gross.
PASS to the notion of catering to female fans. EPIC FAIL on the execution.
Symo // February 25, 2009 at 3:19 pm
“…was interrupted in the middle of grinding out rep for a really sweet two hander epic.” Spoken like a true gamer Curl….
Nancy // February 25, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Visiting your site for the first time from Puck Daddy…
As a longtime Caps fan and season ticket holder (and as a female, probably part of the demographic the Caps want to lure with this site), I completely agree with you. Don’t get me wrong, there are some very attractive players on the Caps team, but I’m not really interested in those beefcake shots combined with pithy statements about their off-ice hobbies. I want to talk stats and plays and fantasy hockey lineups with my fellow female hockey fans just like I do with my husband.
That said, we’ll see what this site progresses to… hopefully the Caps marketing folks will be responsive to the feedback they get from fans.
Dominik // February 25, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Nicely done, Wrap.
The “Wanna learn the game? Hockey 101″ link on that site is not to be missed. Lotta curiously selected factoids and, uh, measurements going on there. “A goalie’s chest protector is made of Kevlar, the same material used in bulletproof vest [sic] for police.” Goalies=Men in Uniform=Your Protectors
Symo // February 25, 2009 at 4:35 pm
On further review… and don’t hate me for this… I don’t find the site that offensive, but I’m not a woman. I thought he hockey 101 stuff would be horrible, but I did enjoy seeing Brashear kick the crap out of someone, and finding out his favorite meal is Italian. The point of that site is to get girls involved who are a bit girly, right? Not everyone can be as savvy as you Curl! It does give me hope to see that on the blog there some woman commented “I hope all the stuff they sell isn’t pink!”
We’re all noobs at one point, and after these brothelized ladies get sick of the pandering, they too can join the ranks of the dismissed and disgruntled regulars like the rest of us.
Jibblescribbits // February 25, 2009 at 9:10 pm
When did Jose Theodore get an endorsement contract with Great Clips?
CanadianWasTaken // February 25, 2009 at 9:16 pm
Nicki should have busted out a “Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up! You see this? This… is my boomstick!” pose. *obscure 90’s movie reference*
I almost feel ashamed that I didn’t leave a tip after I clicked out of the website! :/ What’s the tip rate for bawdy and shameless objectification of “American” hockey players these days? 10… 15%? Christ! Hold on, I lost my dollars-to-hooking-for-hockey conversion chart. I bet one of those Islanders jacked it…
loser domi // February 25, 2009 at 10:25 pm
some of the photos on the site looked like they were just tired. Brasher just looked like he wanted the damn kids off his lawn
Q-girl // February 25, 2009 at 10:26 pm
I also do not find the blog that offensive, and I DO like to learn more about player personal details. It gives you an idea of their personality. The beefcake shots are kinda silly and they do make Mike Green look like a total douche, but then again, it is still something to laugh at isn’t it?
Lori // February 25, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Hey Milan… You know, I’m a totally chilled out woman. I love the hockey, just like you, and I feel like I have realistic expectations about my man. So really, if you need to let that fart out before we keep up with this sexy photo shoot of yours, I probably won’t scream and run away, and I won’t tell anyone either. Well, maybe my girlfriends. Farts are always funny. Anyway, proceed…
Now for you, Wrap, fucking incredible post.
article1 // February 25, 2009 at 11:21 pm
I love the incredibly patronising Hockey 101 videos. They basically assume girls know nothing about the sport and only watch it for the eye-candy. “Now girls, remember not to cheer for the other team. Even if they are dishy.”
It reminds me of the controversy at the World Series of Poker a couple years back. The organisers thought it would be great if the lady who won the Ladies Championship got a package of free beauty treatments in addition to the $200,000 1st prize. It didn’t go down well.
bkblades // February 26, 2009 at 2:26 am
The organisers thought it would be great if the lady who won the Ladies Championship got a package of free beauty treatments in addition to the $200,000 1st prize. It didn’t go down well.
It’s because most of them needed more just a few packages of beauty treatments, right? They needed the whole kitten kaboodle of beauty treatments to make a difference.
/gets hi five from the guys who brought you “Scarlet Caps”
But seriously, what was the thought process of these photo shoots? I wonder if the players themselves suggested the poses themselves. “Uh, Mike, you really didn’t need to come out with a sleeveless shirt.” “Naw man, I insist on bringing out the mothereffin’ anacondas that are my arms to the rest of the world. Here let me pose. That one was a keeper.”
martin // February 26, 2009 at 2:26 am
you go girl. Someone had to say it. I live in the south and there are a lot of women who are wak knowledgable about all sports. This “beefcake” silliness does put a bit of a damper on the many many women who are avid sports fans. Plus those pictures are mostly just creepy!!
eyebleaf // February 26, 2009 at 2:51 am
Shaone Morrisonn’s pic freaks me the fuck out.
Jen // February 27, 2009 at 4:08 am
I…don’t hate this site the way that I feel like I’m supposed to. Like, I’m not offended by it at all — I mostly just find it amusing.
I’m just afraid that this is because I’m even more shallow than I previously thought.
gretchenarchangel // February 27, 2009 at 3:24 pm
lol – I’m with Jen.
Man Sandwich « the 4th star // February 28, 2009 at 4:26 pm
[...] Not everyone agrees with the sexism, though. [...]
Jonathan // March 1, 2009 at 3:09 am
Pure genius!!! A friend of mine in England is a bit on the radical end of things and is a member of an “unofficial” organization called NWAF (no women at football). As football (soccer) is to them what hockey is to Canada I thought I would mention this. Although some people might think that he’s probably just an ugly man with a chip on his shoulder based on previous rejection by women, there is actually a decent point behind why this organization even exists. Sure, a handful of the men are probably hermits that live in the hills somewhere and compare the length of their back hair, but the point behind the organization is simple, and more importantly, understandable. Why should women, who spend the entire match talking about how sexy the players are or where they went shopping earlier in the day, be allowed to take the seat of avid fan? Ok, by now I’m sure that this message has sparked all kinds of opposition, so please let me explain myself… I don’t believe that this organization is taken seriously nor holds any weight in any way, shape or form. Also, soccer in England is viewed in a very different light than hockey is in North America, or anywhere else in the world for that matter. Hockey is more generally accepted by a broad public as a place for dates, families, etc. whereas soccer in England has its roots in the working class and hooliganism. The point from this that I wanted to make a comparison on though, is that the scarlet caps brings all the negative attention to a group that one can possibly bring upon itself. Hockey n heels? The so-called (yet not very) sexy pictures of the players? The site, as you so rightly put it, is really like a brothel. Throw a few heavy drinks in their direction and have at it. Chances are that they will hardly remember or even care about the scores of matches, anyway. There are groups like this for men that go to women’s tennis matches to see and photograph the likes of Maria Sharapova, Anna Kournikova and Ana Ivanovic… they’re called soft porno sites. Coincidentally, they are run by creeps, perverts and paedos. But maybe I’m making exaggerations and blurring things up a bit. The point is that if you’re interested in a sport, and really are enthusiastic about it, you care about the sport, about your team, about winning, about everything from stats to formations to injuries… all that fun junk. I feel bad for women who are real hockey fans or fans of any other sport dominated by men because sadly, these kinds of groups of women exist. I know, a lot of people will say its harmless. But still, when a man who considers himself in the know chats with a woman about sports, he almost instantly discards her ideas as of little relevance or credibility based on these simple facts. It must be frustrating for a woman who really knows her hockey to have a conversation with some cocky bastard at a bar somewhere. He’ll think he knows something because he went to game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals courtesy of a generous employer who had extra tickets and respond with the refreshing (note the sarcasm)comments of “Ah, what do you know? You only go to the games to see Mike Green and his seeeeeexy tats”… Scarlet Caps are not doing any favors there.
gretchenarchangel // March 4, 2009 at 1:03 pm
http://msn.foxsports.com/nhl/story/9288680?MSNHPHCP>1=39002
Some press on this…I can’t tell if it’s written in satire or if this writer really thinks this way. Plus, I have a hard time reading “hockey n heels” without seeing “hookers n heels” thanks to the title of this post.
Oy.
wrap around curl // March 4, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Thanks for that link!
I can’t tell if the article is satire either.
SL22 // March 6, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Oh my f-ing G.
Marriedtotheoil // March 8, 2009 at 2:45 am
Excellent post. You always temper my rage with giggles. Angry giggles, but at least it’s something.
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