Ted Nugent called, he wants his shirt back.

I love a man in a suit. Don Draper. Rahm Emmanuel. Daniel Craig/James Bond. Because a man in a good suit can get away with anything.

I know it’s early and the pictures are still coming in but I think I might have to give Best Dressed to this dude right here. Come on. This is a vast improvement from how Alexander Ovechkin typically looks. He stole that suit from Brad Pitt in Oceans 11. And that’s a good thing.

But he is going against Ryan Kesler. Can I say, OW OW OWWWWW. He looks like the best man who just finished banging the maid of honor five minutes before the wedding starts. Archi says; “Where’s my tie? Who cares where my tie is. I just got laid”

Mike Green is either a butler or totes ready for the prom. I think it’s the prom. He brought you a corsage. Girls still like those right? I bet he wore either Cons or Vans with the suit to be edgy or whatever.  Sometimes in my head Mike Green is exactly like Mike Dexter in Can’t Hardly Wait.

Kris Versteeg. Oh honey, you need some help. The hair just isn’t working for me. It’s a wonderful color. Very Beckham-esque. And I really applaud you for choosing purple, you just aren’t wearing it. You are letting it wear you. And the tie is all awkward. I am voting you down kitten.But points for choosing a grey suit.

Putting the geni in Evgeni…Here’s Malkin rocking a pinstripe suit and a baller status watch. I have no complaint. I am sure the photog thought him acting all three wishes was a wonderful idea. LOOK AT THAT FACE. So strangely cute.

This is Zach Parise. He’s just the sweetest. You can take him home to the fam and they all love him. He’ll even smile and oblige to your mother’s insane need to have the sofa moved. He’ll move the couch while your mother decides she likes where it was originally. He’ll move it back without any complaints. What a stand up gentleman. He looks how I’d expect in a suit, predictable but not bad.

Ethan Moreau, say no to bronzer! It’s for your own good. I know there were make up artists. But I am sure they asked about putting color on your face. And you were supposed to say “No I don’t want to look like Paris Hilton.” It’s a good suit. Bad pose and posture. SMILE WITH YOUR EYES.

First of all, people with two first names for a name irk me. I am talking to you Bobby Ryan. Ok for the love of god, do not wear a polo UNDER YOUR JACKET. Please stop it. You’re making Tim Gunn cry. He’s in a corner saying over and over “this worries me….what will Nina say…Andre….Andre….”

Now, Archi and I disagreed on this one. I thought Roberto Luongo looked great and there was an air of foxiness about him. Archi thought he he looked smarmy and meh. Commenters, you settle it for us. This suit to me is very Miami/Michael Westen. And Burn Notice is awesome. And I think Chris Pine wore a suit like this a few weeks ago. Soooo. I think it’s a winner.

Jarome Iginla. You look wonderful. Grey suit fitted wonderfully. Skinny tie. So Mad Men. Dudes, take notes, when in doubt on a suit, dress like a Mad Men character. Pick you gent; Salvatore Romano, Ken Cosgrove (swoooon), Pete Campbell, Don Draper, Roger Sterling, Harry Crane. It all works. Don’t dress like Paul Kinsey because he’s lame. Jarome knows what’s up. Someone get him a scotch and a pack of Luckys.

Oh Mike Richards. What are you doing there kitten? Is that your seduction face? Erm it needs a bit of work. No no…no. Please don’t take off the jacket like that. This is just a photoshoot. You’re trying real hard to be Dr Christian Troy. Stop it. The suit looks a bit uhhh what did Archi call it? Men’s Warehouse. I guarantee it.

All Archi has to say about this picture is “Are my shoes in the picture? I bought the shiniest pair” That’s all that needs to be said about this I think.

Archi; Funny thing about that photo: None of those kids shook Lidstrom’s hand. Me; One of his children is a stand in for a Jonas Brother.

You know, given Zdeno Chara’s gi-hugic size, he dressed well. Archi awarded bonus points because the belt was LaCoste. Also, nice job with having the right length tie. Seriously. I subtracted some points because his woman is still carrying the water bottle. It is crucial you don’t have the water bottle in the photo ops.

I am now watching the NHL Awards. It’s so effing painful. My god…It’s more painfully awkward than the UK version of The Office. Though Robin Thicke is amazing. And Michael Buble. But yeah this all sucks. Egads. They should just liquor up a bunch of bloggers and we can act it all out with like puppets. I think it’d be more entertaining. And it would only cost like 200 bucks. We can make up acceptance speeches for the players. Can we do it? Yes we can.

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36 thoughts on “Ted Nugent called, he wants his shirt back.

  1. They should just liquor up a bunch of bloggers and we can act it all out with like puppets. I think it’d be more entertaining. And it would only cost like 200 bucks. We can make up acceptance speeches for the players. Can we do it? Yes we can.

    That would be so entertaining and bunches less awkward.

    Also, Ryan Kesler’s orange and blue button up was a winner.

  2. omg! Count me in… we should all get together and do a drunken rendition of the Awards anyways. And have out own awards…

    Ryan Kesler… mee–owww.

    Luongo looks like he’s showed up at my door step to sell me volcano insurance… I’d totally buy it.

  3. Voting yes on Luongo. Best I’ve seen him look in a while.

    What I love about Chara is that his wife doesn’t look like he rescued her from a life of stripping and has to keep a plastic surgeon on retainer in case something starts to sag on her.

    They shouldn’t have even let Bobby Ryan in the door with that on. Does he not have a girl to help him with this crap?

  4. This is genius! Love your comments – especially about Ryan Kesler, the reason I found my way here in the first place.

  5. Hate to be a homer, but Iggy’s first name is spelled “Jarome.” Gotta agree that he’s got the Mad Men vibe going for him.

  6. Luongo’s suit is the right colour and the no-tie looks good. But the fit is a little pajama-esque. Seems a little bulbous. Which is in contrast to a few others who have suits that are way too tight.

    And in regards to Chara’s wife, even with what I assume are ridiculously high heels, she has to be comfortably over 6 feet tall. It always looks odd when you get the “child going out with grownup” vibe when one person is really tall, but they manage to pull it out very well because the height dynamics are normal. I think I just confused myself.

    • I was actually going to write that. That they look wonderful together. I was trying to estimate in my head about how tall she would be. I think you did the math right. She seems like the type that wouldn’t wear anything over a three inch heel. Nothing wrong with that.

  7. I have to agree, Ovie looked dapper. But for the love of all things holy can someone fix Pavel Datsyuk’s hair? That boy’s mane is lopsided and from the forties.

  8. Datsyuk’s hair? What about Malkin’s? He is definitely the cutest non-cute boy on the planet, but his hair looked like he coated it in Vaseline and combed it straight down. Hockey hair in general is pretty sketchy: when the camera would pan the audience, it was like “mullet, bleach blonde with extensions, mullet, bleach blonde with extensions, mullet,” etc.

  9. Best line! “Sometimes in my head Mike Green is exactly like Mike Dexter in Can’t Hardly Wait.” He’s totally Mike Dexter! And Iginla was totally rocking that suit, I love a good skinny tie.

  10. It’s hard to argue with any of your assessments. Ovie looked pretty good until he opened his mouth. I am saving the picture of Zdeno Chara to show my stocky 6’5″ friend that he has no excuse not to dress up. And it’s delightful to watch Malkin just grow right into his star status.

    If nothing else, this shows that the sky is high, water is wet, and:

    1. Suits are more flattering than hockey uniforms.
    2. Hockey players wear suits better than NASCAR drivers do.

  11. Rawrrrrrr. Kes has been ballin recently. I think his wife must do good work.

    I am oddly attracted to Geno and Chara. They can work it.

    I like Lui. He looks very dapper. Not greasy. But it could have been a little snugger…

  12. I don’t normally feel this way about Kes, he’s always looked a little wet rat to me…but yowza….he does look good in a suit.

    Why is Moreau’s suit billowing outwards on the bottom? Just looks wrong.

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