Like this:

Well, hello there. HabsFan29 from Four Habs Fans (NSFW warning – currently features pic of giant metal penis) here. Our mutual friend Wrap has left me a spare set of keys for the office and invited me to say a few words. Knowing our shared love of True Blood (in my case Sookie’s breasts, in hers Eric’s, uh, everything, with some Bill thrown in), I’ll be handling recapping duties while Wrap hits up the liquor stores of the Pacific Northwest. You can hit me up after the jump for spoilers and pics of Sookie’s breasts (kidding! maybe) from last night’s S2Ep10.

SookBill and Jason return from Dallas to a town full of black-eyed zombies à la Maryann. But Jason gets to ward off the zombies and save the day (and a freezer-locked Andy and The Fly) with a swashbuckling romp through Merlotte’s and a sort of Road Warrior with a gas mask God Dionysus thing in the parking lot. You had to be there. Jason was so my hero last night. I so don’t have a man-crush on him. Stop saying that.

Elsewhere, we see the Worst. Deprogramming. Ever. Even a freaked out Tara with black eyes is annoying. Though she did win points from me for saying “get the fuck out of here you stupid cunt” to Sookie. Amen, sista.

In the Romeo and Juliet universe, a black-eyed Hoyt’s mama is a little too bitchy to Jessica. In the end of that storyline for the night, Jessica puts the bite on mama, with Hoyt shouting “fuck yeah!” all the way.

In the end, despite Sookie’s new magical glowing light powers and all of Bill’s charm, the town is still totally screwed. So Bill heads off to find Queen Vamp to get some help, but all we see of her is a bloody foot. For this week.

Gross-out of the night – Bill chomping on Maryann and getting black blood. That can’t be good.

Dark LOL line of the night – Eggs to Maryann who requests quality meat for her meat statue: “Want us to go kill something? So it’s extra fresh?”

Sexytime moment of the night (sponsored by FHF) – more Sookie and Eric dreams. Rawr!