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You ready? The Chiefs have released the new roster pictures. It’s time for me to go all Tyra and critique the contestants. The winner gets represented by Elite Model Management, a $100,ooo contract with CoverGirl and a spread in ElleGirl shot by NOTED fashion photographer, Nigel Barker.

I have 29 photos in my hands. Who is still in the running for America’s Next Top Model?

Jared Cowen.

Jared you were injured and couldn’t make the photoshoot. BUT MODELS CAN’T GET INJURED. And if you are, you HAVE to still show up for a shoot. I remember one time I had my arm in a sling and I still showed up for my shoot. I MADE IT WORK.

Garrett Leedahl

You’re shy and timid. You aren’t connecting with the camera. There’s a wall. Miss Jay, you see that? There’s distance.

Mike Reddington

Mike, I don’t even know what is going on here. I’m distracted by the trident on your chin. Next week is the make over episode!

Tanner Mort

Tanner, I love your strong features. Use them! Don’t pull back. Embrace the toughness. You have ahhhmazing hair.

TC Cratsenberg

Why are you smirking? Is this competition a JOKE TO YOU? WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU. WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU.

Landon Oslanski

You look bored. But not even bored in an editorial bored. It’s not an “oh what this D&G suit.” It’s a, “why am I even here” boredom.

Ryan Letts

Ryan, what I love about you is your look. You’re ethnically ambiguous. You can be anything. Which shows great versatility and range. You’re wearing the red and not letting it wear you.

Brenden Kichton

Brenden, I love your apple pie good looks. You did well in this shoot and the photographer said  you were great and got it in two clicks. When I was a model working in Bora Bora, I know it made SUCHHHHH a difference because the shoot was fun and easy and….

Tyler Johnson

Tyler, you needed to find your light. Always know where you light is. Paulina, show Tyler what I am talking about. See I’m you and Paulina is the light. You see how I am finding her? I’m following her?

David Conrad

David, I like the new hair. You should smile! You’re on the cusp of it. You’re eyes are there but your mouth…

Mitch Wahl

Mitch, you look very stern, but not exactly hockey player stern. More like a principal at a junior high. You need to bring out that other dimension.

Brady Brassart

Braaaaady. You look like a little woodland nymph here. And I mean that in a good way. Not entirely a hockey player but still a great shot. Congratulations, you’re still in the running for America’s Next Top Model.

Dustin Donaghy

Dustin, what happened this week? Last week you won the immunity challenge and did AHHHHHMAZING with the photoshoot on the stairs with all the flowers. But this week I just don’t see it. Remember the neck thing? It feels weird, but lift your chin out and up.

Mitch Holmberg

Hi Mitch! Wait…we have two Mitchs? You’re gonna have to change your name or this will get confusing. You did an excellent job this week. You have a slight smile and if I squint, I can see you’re smiling with your eyes! Don’t make me squint.

Jared Spurgeon

Spurgalicious! You know I love you. You were pretty strong for this shoot. You went in, were professional and got the shot. You look strong as you should. I just wanted to see more personality. Congratulations, you’re still in the running for America’s Next Top Model.

Mike Betz

Mike were you distracted? You seem like you just rolled out of bed and suddenly remembered you had a shoot. You always have to be ready. When I was modeling in Rome I took a red eye and I was all messed up from the time changes but I still got to that shoot and made it WORK…

Steve Kuhn

Someone got a haircut! I like it. You did great this week, I love the directness of your eyes. Your shoulders are a little awkward. Always remember the angles of your body.

Mike Aviani

Hi Mike! Come up here, don’t be shy! I really like this shot. You have a slight smile, you found your light and you look….like you have a great aura about you. Don’t you think so Miss Jay? Great job, Mike.

Stefan Ulmer

Stefan! What happened? You were fantastic last week. But you just weren’t there for this shot. Are you distracted? When you’re a model, you can never be distracted ever.

Corbin Baldwin

I really like this shot. I know Paulina disagrees with me. But I think you did pretty well. Remember to smile with your eyes. Show me right now how you would do that. See? Now do that for every picture.

Brett Bartman

Brett, what happened? You didn’t try to smile. You’re stiff! Even now. Loosen up. You have excellent features and you just aren’t using them. A CoverGirl always uses their features!

Levko Koper

Levkoooo Koperrr! You have the name of a model. Wait, is that a black eye I see? Lev, whatchoobeenupto? Well you made the hockey wound work for you. I’m not sure about your hair styling, but this shot overall is pretty strong. No more black eyes! This isn’t America’s Next Top Panda!

Dominik Uher

Why are you scrunching? Don’t turtle! You should never do that in hockey. Sit tall and proud. Dominik, this photo was one of the weaker pictures for this elimination challenge…

Kenton Miller

Kenton get on up here and get your picture. I like this shot. So does Miss Jay! I think he has a thing for blondes. Smile just a bit, ok?

Anthony Bardaro

Anthony, you have a very fierce and intense look to you, but you have to know how to use it. Be conscious of it because it can be overwhelming. Take me for example, I have a hugeeee forehead but I have to know how to work it and how to make it best for photos.

Matt Marantz

Matt Matt Matt…you’re looking a bit deer in the headlights. Your posture is great but your face is just a blank slate. And not the good kind of blank. You can’t ever be just a piece of paper. I want words on it! I want an inmage. When I first started modeling I’d practice in the mirror posing. I’d set a timer for five minutes and I’d see how many new look I could create. You need to do that.

James Reid

James! Reider! You had one of the best pictures this week. You smiled and sat just so. You found your light! Honey, you’ve got all the model basics. Run with it and use it!

Chase Martin

Not too bad, Chase. You need to take notes from James. Don’t be afraid to emote. And this goes for all of you. SHOW ME SOMETHING. A CoverGirl needs to be captivating. Congratulations Chase, you’re still in the running…

Alright, so who won this and who are we sending home?

all photos from the Spokane Chiefs website.

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