Like this:

Well, NHL playoffs begin. Once again the Leafs were no where even close to getting into that party. They we’re like Tila Tequila drunk, babbling about a Russian baby they plan to adopt, falling out of a cheap dress from Forever 21, trying to get into a club at 2 am not even getting in the door. Meanwhile the cast of Jersey Show is inside drinking Partron Silver is fist pumping away.

Did that make any sense?

However, this is a time for me to slut about and make out with other teams and proclaim how sexy I think they are. What? It’s totally allowed.

My playoff alliances:

Habs vs Caps. This is a tough one. But I think I’m gonna have to take the Bleu Blanc et Rouge for this one. Oh wait, they both wear those colors. I’ll take the Canadiens. I didn’t want to too. But it’s a spite pick. Also, the Chiefs wears the same sweaters as the Habs.

Devils vs Flyers. TEAM METEOR. Next?

Sabres vs. Bruins. Hmmmm. I could go both ways on this. I’m neutral on both teams.

Pens vs. Sens. Oh for the love of god, the Pens HAVE to stomp the Senators. Please. For me.

Sharks vs. Avs. Though notorious for the choking, I have a softspot for the Sharks. I’m sorry. But Matt Duchene is a sweetheart. I saw him get drafted in Montreal. Then the next day he was outside Schwartz Deli with his Avs cap and polo with the hugest smile on his face. He was nice to all the people congratulating him on being drafted. Go Avs? I dunno…

Blackhawks vs. Predators. For the lolz, Predators!

Canucks vs. Kings. Purely on jerseys alone I’d pick the Kings. I adore their black sweaters. Anze Kopitar is a beast. But Vancouver. Ryan Kessler. Ohhhhhh.

Coyotes vs. Red Wings. GO PHOENIX! THROW THE SNAKE. WOOOOOOO.