Keeping Up with the Kardashians Chiefs.

Alright kittens, it’s time for me to cover some actual hockey. Even hockey related to my team. So, let’s put aside the Project Runway and Sean Avery and get down to some Chiefs business. I have held off on updates, now there is a pile. Shall we continue? It’s the Get in the Box link round up…

First order of business, uhm, we don’t have a coach at the moment. Yes, I am aware we upped Bill Peter’s contract back in like, March for three more seasons. And we were all thrilled because of the amazing turnaround the Chiefs have made. While I am glad he will be moving up the coaching ranks. It still is disappointing because we won the Memorial Cup and he said “peace out, ciabattas.” It’s like, you have a string of great dates with some superfox and you are just drunk on all the hardcore making out. Then you call and find out they have a girlfriend after all. Ugh. Men.

Hold it right there…An update. Thanks to Dylan for sending me this story. We have a coach, peeps. Hardy Sauter, who served as assistant coach with Peters. This bodes well, I think…

Also, Jace Coyle has been traded to the Medicine Hat Tigers. Cuts had to be made, he was a decent kid who didn’t get a chance to see a lot of play. In return, we get some Bantam picks. Whatever. At least we didn’t trade for half a Snapple and some Doritos?

BTW, where have all our boys gone? Jared Spurgeon was at Islander camp. Click here for a video of little Jar Jar. It’s a shame his helmet obstructs the hair. Judd Blackwater was invited to the Chicago Blackhawks summer fun. Sadly, the Blackhawks do not believe in letting the public know how their potential baby Blackhawks did. Chris Bruton (El Capitan) snagged an invite to the Calgary Flames camp. Here is a video of Brutzy. He is such a well spoken individual and I miss him already. He is rather handsome now that the playoff beard is gone. As for what he decided, well, he is getting schooled. Brutzy will be going to Acadia University and playing with the Axemen. At camp with Chris was Mitch Wahl, who kept his teeth hidden away during this interview and I never knew his voice was so manly…

In case you didn’t know, they are going big time. Dustin Tokarski is at Camp Canada showing them how one properly holds it down in the pipes. We already know what he has been up to in Ottawa… Drayson Bowman is reppin’ USA at Lake Placid along with Tyler Johnson and Mitch Wahl. Jared Cowen got an A (not of the scarlet variety) at the under 18 Canada camp.

[Jared Cow Cow. Back, left. image via hockeycanada.ca]

They are getting contracts, son! Smokin’ hot David Rutherford signed with an ECHL team, the Charlotte Checkers. He is another Chief I will miss. He is so lovely at agitation, very Avery. There was that time he received a two minute penalty for hair pulling. Oh yes please… Drayson Bowman sorted things out with the Carolina Hurricanes and is close to scoring a slot on their roster. But I have a feeling Bows will enjoy one more season with the Chiefs.

Ugh, is summer over yet? While it’s all hot out, be sure to pick up a Tokarski Saves shirt You would look great rockin’ one at the beach. You can even get it in tank top version, to tan even more of your surface area. Seriously, buy some merch. Funny thing, my job caught on fire. There was an incident at Sonic, not my fault. Anyways not entirely sure when I am working again. Sooooo, help keep a girl stocked on Dr Peppers. Eyebleaf picked up a hoodie. Trust him, he is a goalie. He approves.

The Champs;

We pulled it off. We really pulled it off.

The Chiefs brought home the Memorial Cup and posted a perfect 4-0 for the round-robin tournament Kitchener, Ontario defeating the Belleville Bulls, the Gatineau Olympiques and the Kitchener Rangers (twice).

Dustin Tokarski was named the MVP making an astounding 53 saves for this game. I expect his stock to now shoot up come June. Like, top of the list jump. I also expect some other Chiefs to get some much deserved love for the draft and I am thrilled. Someone has Mitch Wahl’s number, right?

I am pretty much dancing on my toes. I have no idea how I am sitting still and writing this out.

I have left out the best part. When they gave Chris Bruton the cup? He dropped it. It broke. The cup popped off the base. It was honestly the funniest thing I have ever seen. The fans in the arena were in shock, and booed. Then I think it was Trevor Glass, swooped in and picked up one of the pieces and was like “Yeah! We won!” and everyone seemed to get over it. They passed around the two parts. And for the team picture, Drayson Bowman is holding the trophy together.

There is already video….

It’s actually kinda adorable. This rag tag group of kids make it all the way and win. They break the coveted trophy. And don’t even fucking care. There was nothing but pure joy to be seen. Ecstatic they some how clawed their was through these teams and bested them all. This fight is longer and harder than the one for Lord Stanley, then it all comes down to a round-robin tournament and one final game.

These kids aren’t millionaires. They go back to being regular kids who just happened to do something amazing. They are playing hockey out of sheer joy and love.

Total wins this season: 70.

The score summary. I could have written about what actually happened in the game. I might later on. For now? I am nothing but proud of these ragamuffins.

One last time; TOKARSKI SAVES.

Download this: We Are the Champions

Oh the long version….

and suck it

Bowman had a hattie!
He had a fucking hattie!

AHHHHH.

And this vid for kicks;

A bit more cohesive now;
So the first period the Chiefs were absolutely brilliant. Three goals. I was very pleased. In fact, Drayson Bowman put 2 up on the board in the first and both assisted El Capitan Chris Bruton. Mitch Wahl put it in the pipes in the first. Go Chiefs Go, seriously. Dustin Tokarski had a light workload in the first and stopped the few shots that came his way.

And then the second period. The glorious lead was shot down. Belleville tied it all up. Uhm, Chiefs? What have I said, numerous times? Toka cannot do it all alone. Help him out, eh? I will say that Belleville’s goalie is totally legit. Even if he wears a red (wtf?!) neck guard. He made some amazing saves. There were times I wondered how he even knew where the puck was.

And the third…Bulls score. This game is defying logic. Then OMGWTFBBQSAUCE, Bowman scores. Getting the hattie. Thank you, Drayson. I hate overtime but we might just have a chance. See, I hate overtime. I can’t handle it. I want to bite my nails. And the Chiefs are no stranger to going above and beyond the 60 minute mark. However, not too far into the OT; LEVKO KOPER gets the game winner.

The Chiefs posted 54 shots. Zoinks, Scoob.

Jenn and I did our best to cover the game. It was a trial run. Hilarity ensued.
She also linked me that amazing commercial that I forgot existed. OVIE TIME!

journalistic integrity;

I am no journalist or anything as you can tell by my chaos pocket I run here. However, I really think author screwed the pooch on this article;

Scroll down to number 14. I am fairly certain they meant to write about Drayson Bowman, and were flustered or something. Maybe they could not properly convey his awesomeness into words. I don’t know. But I know of someone besides me who can pen something about Bowman supreme fantastic nature.

Also, I am a little hurt that no Chiefs are named in the article. But I hold out on grabbing my torch and pitchfork until next week’s installment. Then you can imagine if Ondrej Roman is missing, I will start a riot.

Read number 9. That one made me laugh. For like 4 minutes.

god bless us, everyone.

Metsola got light up like a Christmas tree. I think we may have broken him actually. The first 3ish minutes goals were slide in by Mitch Wahl and Judd Blackwater. Then a ‘Cane hit one in. Whatever, they can have one. Though they tried to claim one before that, kicking the puck past Dustin Tokarski, which after review was waved off. David Rutherford scored in the second. Which was a quick and quiet period. Third period; Drayson Bowman scores and Ondrej Roman score.

Overall the game was neat and clean with very few penalties. I think the Chiefs perhaps were checking like they meant it. Something I politely request a bit ago. I thought the Hurricane fans in attendance was impressive given the epic length of the trip to Spokane. Roughly 8.5 hours.

For serious, how are you going to call your team the Hurricanes? Ain’t no way that Lethbridge is tropical. Or coastal for that matter.

Final damage; 5-2 Chiefs. The best of 7 series is at 2-0 Chiefs.

Why you should love Dustin Tokarski (stats taken from tonight’s program);

Chiefs goaltender Dustin Tokarski was named the Western Conference Championship MVP with four wins, two shutouts, a 1.21 GAA and .953 save percentage. In his last nine games, Dustin Tokarski has three shutouts and a 1.07 goals against average and a .956 save percentage. During the span, Tokarski had a stretch of 186:15 without allowing a goal breaking the previous record of 180:54 set in 1995-96 by David Lemanowicz in the regular season. Tokarski’s mark is fifth all-time in WHL playoff history.

Other bits;
Dear Habs,
Thanks for breaking my fucking heart. I gave you my heart and you gave me a pen! And by “pen” I mean an unreliable Carey Price in the third period!
Love,
Heather

So, for hot, sweaty Stanley Cup action I pick four teams to support; Caps, Flames, Habs and Rangers. Not exactly in that order. But there is some logic behind it. I am not one for the Avs. Forsberg pisses me off. Hating the Red Wings is like, a given. I refuse to accept Hockey Jesus as my Savior. Danny Briere is like, too emo to even function. Oh and Dallas and San Jose; it never fucking snows in your locales. Ever. The Caps gave up a fight. Ovie was actually playing in a ton of pain. On painkillers in fact, but he didn’t want to talk about it. The Flames were stonewalled. The Habs put their money on Price, who at the end of the day still is a rook and prone to mistakes. And the Rangers are about toast. Avery had an unfortunate injury but played with internal bleeding. What have you done lately? So now, who do I support? No one, probably. I am bitter and hate everyone.

shut ‘em down

Alright, so the Chiefs shut down the Giants. Down and out, even. 4-0. Game Six will be on Monday in Spokane and Seven on Tuesday if needed. Right now the series stands at 3-2 Spokane. This just might be doable. Clearly, David Rutherford has been the star of this post season action.

The lines were shuffled up last night and for the better. Roman had two assists in the first period. Helping out Justin Falk and Rutherford. Rutherford and Falk helped Drayson Bowman in the third. Tyler Johnson closed the game with an empty netter.

Tokarski saves! Stopping 22 of the Giants shots.

Keep it up, boys. I might allow those wretched play off beards.

About last night

I did not listen to the Chiefs game last night because I was too deep into the Avs/Canucks massacre. Luongo was having a terrible night and really just needs a break. Sanford is a mediocre back up goalie and the ‘Couv cannot expect Luo to carry the team all the time.

Back to the Chiefs;

Scoring in the first period was Levko Koper. Ondrej Roman scores in the second from David Rutheford and Judd Blackwater. Silvertip Gendur also scored in the second. Drayson Bowman smacks one in the third from Chris Bruton and Mitch Wahl. Then Judd Blackwater slides in an empty-netter from Jared Cowen and Jared Spurgeon. Final score 4-1 Chiefs. Dustin Tokarski stopped 28 of 29 shots.
Friday is a must win situation Everett. Which has me wondering if they will be out for blood. Or if this will not be the case given the Remparts incident.

Download this: The Champ by Ghostface Killah

bring the ruckus

The playoffs were kicked off by well, kicking the shit out of Everett. The first period saw the Chiefs 3-3 on the power play. Bowman, Rutherford and Blackwater scored in the first. A ‘Tip snuck in a top shelfer beginning of the second, but Bruton returned the favor. Everett scored in the third. But all was well as Bowman smacked in his second for the evening.

Everett was out for blood as usual. Harty  (by Harty I mean Crowley) tried to start a fight with Bruton but he was smart enough to skate off so Harty was in the box on instigating. Clearly, the Chiefs have their head in the right place. It was quick and muscular play tonight. Tokarski was brilliant in the pipes, he had amazing defense to work with. I was impressed with how hard the boys were skating, particularly Rutherford.
Final score: 5-2 Spokane.
Chiefs are at home again tomorrow against Everett.
download: bring da ruckus by wu tang clan

hey, it’s me calling

Hey uhm, Portland? Sorry if that was kinda awkward. Listen, I think we should try and be friends? This whole fooling around thing and being fuck buddies was kinda awesome. We need some time apart. We had a good time tonight, right? I mean I scored on you with Bowman from Bruton and Roman. Then Koper from Johnson and Falk. And it was awesome. And then in the second, Rutherford, Bowman and McCrae all got between your pipes. Roman snuck in the third. Portland, it was a lot of fun. You’re a great chick. But I just need some me time now. Thanks for being so understanding. And doing my chemistry lab. Talk to you soon!

-Chiefs

Download this: Where Are My Panties by Andre 3000

Yesterday happened to be Drayson Bowman’s birthday which turned out nice for him scoring two goals in the first. I was hoping for a Bowman birthday hattie, no dice. Scoring also in the first was Jared Spurgeon. Judd Blackwater scored in the second. Mike Reddington scored in the third. Curtis Kelner and Ryan Letts got into a few fights.

Ryan Letts smashed a Bruins face in the third. Letts may just be the new Miles Stoesz. I wish I snapped a picture of the kid, he lost a tooth and left a bloody mess. Letts was unscathed.

Bruins has one goal and Army had an easy night in the pipes.

At the moment a game is in progress with Seattle. Spokane up 2-0 at the top of the third with  Tokarski goaltending.