what the balls…

So uhm, the Canucks want Luongo to be captain….

canucks schmnucks.

Ok, so this is cross posted at Melt Your Face Off. Enjoy! Also a huge thanks to Weed Against Speed for editing through my chaotic and headache inducing writing nature.

Another excruciatingly long summer is over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing/dumb/not self-respecting enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job.

Today, previewing the Vancouver Canucks, one of the Alpha Soldiers in the MYFO Army, the one and only Wrap Around Curl.

I know what you are thinking “what the hell is Wrap doing writing about the Canucks? I mean, didn’t she proclaim that the Canucks were no longer hers and she was shopping around for a new team? Was it all just a publicity stunt?”

breaking up the girl;

I lost the Canucks in the break up.

I am saying nothing profound when I state, “break ups suck.” Of course they do. It’s why so many people are still in relationships they aren’t happy in. No one wants to be the one who pulls the trigger. There is more glamour in being a victim in a break up.

So, I am the one with blood on my hands. I was a bit crazed. I had the bleach out and everything and I was shrieking, “out damned spot.” In the cleaning I rounded up all of his items, tossed into a box and got rid of them as soon as possible. There were tearful 3 am phone calls and sleepless nights avoided by staying up watching television. I was too emo to function.

There was something I forgot to toss in. The Chiefs season tickets.

MOTHERFUCK.

I called him when I knew I would get his voicemail. “
HigottheletterfromtheChiefsaboutnextseasonwhatwouldyouliketodoabouttheseathaveanicedayatworkokbye.”
I thought I was going to vomit. He called back quickly and I did what girls do to hide the fact they are crying; chirping about inane utter fucking shit. Weather, global warming, anything. Then actually cry once they are off the phone. I have no idea where we learn this, we just know this.

Then the conversation that should have not been face to face;

HIM: “I just don’t want there to be any awkwardness…”
ME: “Right, I totally agree…”
HIM: “And, I mean, I don’t want you to be there when I am bringing girlfriends to games.”

All bets were off. I was ready to drop gloves and perhaps fillet him afterward. I wanted to smash his precious flat screen TV, and I didn’t even care that it was his roommates. I felt compelled to snap his hockey stick. Cut the laces out of the skates that I bought for him.

But as a classy woman, all I said through gritted teeth was, “Ok, I will move my seat.”

I will be at Chiefs games next season, eyes on my pretty pretty goalie in a seat yet to be determined, by myself. But I will be there. Because, I don’t fuck around. I feel I should point out, he only went to Chiefs games because I was going. They were mine, before they were his. I have lost enough in this breakup. He can have the Canucks. But I refuse to let him have the Chiefs.

The Canucks were always his team. I liked them and all, but I was never totally committed to them. they never felt like mine. I was always the girlfriend that liked them by proxy. I mean, the Sedins are pretty cool and it would be seven minutes of heaven in a closet with Alexandre Burrows.

Fuck it. I don’t want them anymore. It’s probably a good time for me to jump ship since I have no clue what the hell they are doing next season. Locking up Sanford? Are you shitting me? Really? Sanford? Canucks, do you hate your fans? Do you like to torment us as much as possible? Can I sue you for driving me to have, what will probably be, full blown alcoholism by November? Are you the latest tool of Gary Bettman? Is he going to shut you down and move you to fucking Hawaii? Are you going to be renamed the Oahu Pineapples or some shit?

You want the seats? Take them. I want the Luongo jersey back.

Markus Naslund wasn’t the only one who had a bitter breakup this summer.

Start making your cases, boyos. Homegirl needs to know who to watch on Center Ice next season.

“it’s drag and I know it’s hard…”

EDIT: If you slogged through all that, please do me a favor and help Q-girl pick a new goalie boyfriend. AND THEN; vote in mine and “dave schultz” Hockey Hottie Dreamy Team Contest. You can vote here and then here on my page. I love promoting my friends.

and done.

And the Canucks are toast. Ughhhhh. However, I will say Luongo really did his best. And my boy, Alexandre Burrows had the lone ‘Nuck goal. Granted the refs seemed to be very much in the Oilers favor in the third. Whatevs.

Yeah I should muster a better update than that. But I have biology homework. Biology; completely useless for a government degree! Thanks general boring requirements.

Tomorrow is the Chiefs first game against the Vancouver Giants. You boys ready? Good.

About last night

I did not listen to the Chiefs game last night because I was too deep into the Avs/Canucks massacre. Luongo was having a terrible night and really just needs a break. Sanford is a mediocre back up goalie and the ‘Couv cannot expect Luo to carry the team all the time.

Back to the Chiefs;

Scoring in the first period was Levko Koper. Ondrej Roman scores in the second from David Rutheford and Judd Blackwater. Silvertip Gendur also scored in the second. Drayson Bowman smacks one in the third from Chris Bruton and Mitch Wahl. Then Judd Blackwater slides in an empty-netter from Jared Cowen and Jared Spurgeon. Final score 4-1 Chiefs. Dustin Tokarski stopped 28 of 29 shots.
Friday is a must win situation Everett. Which has me wondering if they will be out for blood. Or if this will not be the case given the Remparts incident.

Download this: The Champ by Ghostface Killah

its a legitimate strategy.

Tonight it’s the Canucks/Avs which typically is like the Jews vs. the Palestinians around these parts. And I tend to feel like a Palestinian outnumbered, and trying to get a piece of land.

There have been discussions of maybe perhaps rickrolling the next Chiefs home games.

Eastern was rickrolled brilliantly;

Holla at a player in the streets

I found this today and thought it was kinda classy actually. For being of fan origin.

I need to neaten up the rest and sort through them all and resize. But this was my view in the suite

2 ‘Nucks, 1 King

WOOO. Canucks win. IN YOUR FACE, LA.  Millions of pictures to follow. Including, the Wonder Twins, the Sedins.

Gretzky’s a little bitch.

On the 10th I am going to LA for a Canucks game. And sitting in a suite, sweet!

But I am a bit scared of the idea of Kings fans. All I can think of is Sue in Swingers. And him pulling a gun. “This isn’t Boys in the Hood!”

Neighbors of the North.

Domi sent me the most awesome video ever. Of all time.

I played it like 4 times in a row. Now I am sorta singing it.

Chiefs play Friday and Saturday. Tokarski ought to be in the pipes.

A detour from regularly scheduled programming.

A bunch of love goes out to the big kids over at Melt Your Face Off for them assisting me with my epic tale of trying to get a Vancouver Canucks jersey. Reasonable Doubt (for a Reasonable Price) did a lot of legwork for me. Placing several angry phone calls and firing off emails where needed.

Read the story here Which now has a happy ending! To apologize Shop NHL sent (overnight!) me a 30 dollar shirt. Then the jersey I ordered from a different company arrived today. So I promptly canceled my still pending Shop NHL order.

God bless us, everyone and whatnot.