Cameron Frye is awesome. She seriously is. We are like the same person it’s kinda insane. I decided we were the same person when we had a 15 minute discussion about the cult and campy soap on BBC America called Footballers Wive$ and the amazingness that is Tanya Turner.
A few weeks ago we decided there should be a Mustache Monday, celebrating the fabulous facial hair that exists in this world. But who would kick off such a grand and noble project? George Mothereffing Parros. I don’t know of any other mustaches better than his. Maybe we will just quit after this. Because you can’t best perfection. She pulled a ton of pics for this awesomeness.
oh my god he is relentless.
I love Parros because one, he is a Duck. How can you hate on the Ducks? You can’t, they are a charming group. Also, George grows his hair out for Locks of Love. At Ducks games you can buy Parros staches and proceeds go to charity.
According to his wiki page, his father is an executive at Toys R Us. That means he could get me unlimited Super Soakers and Slip n Slides! He attended Princeton and has a degree in economics. This quite literally, makes him a gentleman and a scholar.
Ok so first of all I was a national hero today. Or I like to think that I was. You see, I was to do my usual Princess Game Thread duties on Pension Plan Puppets and I was all set to watch the Leafs/Sens game on NHL Network….except it was the Habs/Sharks. I was on the phone to Comcast within two minutes screaming it was the wrong feed. I was the first to report it. It was fixed super quick and my bill was credited 15 bucks. If you wanted Leafs/Sens NATIONAL HERO, EVERYONE. Unless you wanted the Habs/Sharks. NATIONAL VILLIAN, Y’ALL. Onto my darling Chiefs…
You know the game sucked. My Twitterings were so emo and depressing. The ice was pink, the arena was packed. I was ready for it to suck. It sure sucked, but in a bizarro magical way. Fuck a game recap, really. THIS IS ALL YOU NEED . THE THIRD PERIOD PENALITIES.
Yes. Clearly the rivalry of the Ams and the Chiefs is still alive. I will try and get some pictures of the insanity up asap. I will troll the youtubes for videos of the fights. ONDREJ ROMAN FOUGHT. Well he didn’t really. It was like some awkward high school dance and they weren’t sure who was the girl and who was the boy. Dustin Tokarski kinda sorta fought, but he was feisty. It was a circus. By the end the Chiefs only had Drayson Bowman and James Reid on the bench. They keep it classy.
DONAGHY MUSTACHE WATCH: still not shaven. Ugh.
And remember, Cupcakes for Cowen. Since I ain’t giving them to the Chiefs tonight…
Ok so The Panel and I decided this had to be like the best game. Ever. Of all time. Where do I begin with the utter awesomeness? Ok welllllll I thought Ondrej Roman was going to punch someone. He was getting feisty. I laiiiike it. I laiiiiike it a lot. So many goals scored by the Chiefs and Dustin Tokarski was flawless. Again. 6-0, thanks for coming out Kootenay. The Ice started to show their frustrations in the second when the fights started breaking out. Levko Koper fought again. You know what? Here is your penalty summary;
whoa.
At one point the Ice decided to get all up in Tokarski’s Kool Aid which he never takes kindly to. There was smack talk with the Ice goalie. I was hoping with my heart of hearts for a goalie fight. But he knew better. Instead he popped his jersey and pointed at the scoreboard. I sure do pick the good ones.
Anyways I could probably go on about how the Chiefs were great and fighting the bounciness of the puck in the first and the passing was quite lovely. I mean Tyler Johnson had two goals and Bowman, Donaghy, Spurgeon and Wahl put some points up. But instead, let’s do a picture post.
Wahl and Spurgalicious observe fisticuffs.
"I said your mom is a real classy lady!"
the awesome mask. until I come up with a better name than the girlie mask.
Andddddd Luke Schenn continues to be on my top list of hockey boyfriends. I mean I am a sucker for defenseman and goalies…and fowards….shit. Oh I am off task. Yes, Schenngasms. He just shows undending enthusiasm that reminds me of Scrappy Doo. His “lemme at em”-ness is just charming and endearing. I am quite aware I am not the only one swooning. I think The Vesa is too;
they laiiiike each other. they laiiiike each other a lot. no that joke doesn't get old.
What really sealed the deal was this video clip. YOU GOT SCHENN’D, PENS!
Schenn call me? You can email me too. Or facebook me. Or IM me. Really. I luff you.
Oh shit, I forgot to do cupcakes. Uhm I’d give a bunch to Toka for being studly. And then some for everyone else. Extra for Jared Cow Cow as he is out injured. Get better, kitten! Your other half misses you. I mean, you two are The Jareds.
The Chiefs wore some black jerseys so they could be all “GRRRRR we won the Memorial Cup” which didn’t make a lot of sense. Honestly I am a bit tired of this winning the Memorial Cup nonsense being mentioned about 15 times a game. It’s a bit embarassing. It happened months ago. So chill the fuck out and get a new schtick.
I was a bit conflicted at the game. Kyle Beach is no longer a Silvertip. Part of me did a happy dance and part of me was a sad panda. But it didn’t matter because Dustin Donaghy was a good kitten and scored a goal and found someone to fight with. Cameron Abney went through what I have seen so many times before which is something like a moment of panic in Donaghy’s numerous opponents, “oh fuck I am fighting Donaghy and my face hurts.“
Wait why am I talking about Donaghy? The darling of the game was Ondrej Roman. The J is silent as Lori and I discussed. I might just start tacking on j’s to the ends of words. Seej howj itj worksj outj. It was dazzling to see Ondrej back. Has he always skated that fast and I had forgotten? It had been entirely too long but he seamlessly fit back in and posted an assist. So naturally I was swooning.
But I have to give cuppy cakes to James Reid for being flawless and getting the shutout. What kind would you like? From the start of the season I didn’t entirely have faith in Reid given he was being measured against Dustin Tokarski. He had his moments of shakiness and proved me wrong. Oh yeah, I am totally wrong sometimes. Yeah ok, so a double batch of cuppy cakes for Reid, who also needs some nickname.
I love Teddy Bear Toss Night. Because the boys always deliver. Just who was responsible for unleashing the 4,067 plushies? Why it was Mitch Wahl, early in the first. Thanks for coming out, Kootenay. And thanks for getting us Chalupas before the end of the first. Final damage, 6-2 Chiefs.
Dear Brett Bartman,
You have been a bit under the radar but you showed up tonight. And by showing up I mean, thanks for the fight in the first and the two assists on the night.
Ho hum. Hockey on Wednesday. I shouldn’t be allowed to predict things. Because I am terrible at it. The player magnet was Tyler Johnson and Dustin Tokarski was in the pipes. At first when I walked into the arena I was totally confused. I could have sworn the Chiefs were playing Lethbridge. The fuck is up with the Hurricanes jerseys? It was like, the old school Capitals jersey mated and had a baby with the white Habs jersey. Basically what I am saying is, not a cute look. Blah blah. We played some hockey. Took a ton of penalties and worked through it. I now love Steve Kuhn for beating down a Hurricane boy after they had pounded Levko Koper. I also love how in the first period Tokarski looked like he was going to start a fight. He was for sure smack talking. And I imagine he was popping off telling the other guy “you wanna go, you wanna go?” That makes me happy. In my pants.
Levko Koper continues his campaign to get drafted high come June. Homeboy is showing up and scoring goals, posting two tonight. Mmmm yeah, penalties. Oh Kuhn, you and your 17 minutes in the sin bin…
Final score of 5-2 Chiefs. Which means Chalupassssss.
Next game is…a while off. What will I do with my free time? (more…)
Ugh you know what I am just going to pretend the game didn’t happen. I am going to act like the Winterhawks didn’t score two fluke goals back to back. I am going to pretend their netminder made 39 saves. I am going to tell myself it was the Winterhawks who were sloppy. And really the Chiefs won. Right? Ahw fuck it. Chiefs lose 2-1 to the goddamned Winterhawks. Maybe they phoned it in because tomorrow is Tri City. But it is Buck NIght. Which I am convinced is a curse. So it’s probably really grim of me to already bank on a loss for tomorrow.
I will say I was thrown off when Tokarski was named second star despite being the losing goaltender and facing nowhere as many shots as Mucha. I don’t think he was expecting it either. He halfheartedly skated to get his medal and picture taken and hung his head when he left the ice. Cheer up buttercup. You can’t win them all. Even though I want you to.
Oh and Dustin Donaghy fought. I love that kid. Especially since he took down a Winterhawk who was seven inches taller.
So yeah. Tri tomorrow. Buck Night. Rock the Red. That is all.
Ok so really it was the Red Deer Rebels we played. I saw the return of Cody Esposito. Perhaps I was the only one excited to see Espo again. I adored him when I was a Chief. In fact, I had planned on getting Esposito on my Chiefs jersey and then he was traded. Tokarski comforted me after the Espo departure. Tokarski also won a few shiny pretties for me. He likes to call those trophies. Some brilliant hockey was played and I really ought to apologize to the Baby Chiefies whose numbers I didn’t entirely commit to memory. You showed up tonight and fought lovely. Cory Baldwin; a hat tip to you good sir. And to TC Cratsenberg, you totally beat the other guy down and I expect it to be on the YouTubes soon. You are still Baby Chiefies, now I will just pay closer attention to you. Excellent fisticuffs, Jared Cowen. Clearly you are gunning for the place of number one draft pick. Oh and James Reid, I know I originally talked smack on you. I take it all back. You can stay. You may lack Dustin Tokarski’s good looks and nervous ticks, but you got your first shut out tonight. Good on you.
This is Dustin. Donaghy. It’s ok, it can get confusing with how much I talk about the Tokarski one more. Sorry, I am goalie partial. However my other favorite hockey player is the agitator. See; Avery, Burrows, Hordichuk etc. Donaghy didn’t see a whole lot of ice last season. Part of it was because before the season started he smashed his hand up fighting. The best part was he still finished the fight; he just switched to southpaw. Donaghy is on a roll so far this season his sense on the ice seems sharper. Plus he already is assembling quite a bit of fight vids so far. You are welcome to drop gloves any time you want, just no more hand injuries ok Donny?
The QMJHL is up in arms after the goalie “incident.” Incident is putting it lightly. Quebec Remparts goalie Jonathan Roy put on quite the spectacular show that now has media up in arms demanding that fighting be banned from junior hockey. In the second period, Remparts losing 7-1 to the Chicoutimi Sagueneens in a playoff sitch. Naturally, a brawl breaks out. The Sagueneen goalie was shit talking Roy, as happens when you are bludgeoning your opponent and salting their wounds. Roy, ain’t going down like that;
Which bring us to the clip of the fight. Despite being en Francais, I think we all know just what is going on.
Personally, I understand why Roy snapped. Hockey isn’t some sport that is leisurely. He was in a playoff situation and frankly snapped. He could have been mad at his teammates for bad defense. By the second period, Roy was probably drained and tired of being taunted. I wasn’t even there. But I can guess this much happened because this tends to be the case. Roy is suspended 7 games and fined $500. A few Remparts are suspended as well. One receiving a two gamer and the other a three gamer. I have not looked in the see if any Segueneens are suspended as well.
I can understand the need to crack down on violence in hockey. But it’s a sport that requires it to police itself. You have boys that are “defense men” and their job is to enforce and regulate when necessary. How are they to compete at a professional level where fighting is more accepted? They need some practice to compete to Derek Boogaards of NHL.
I have seen some pretty brutal fights from the Chiefs. The first two that stand out is the one the Donaghy smashes his hand in. The second is the one where Letts busted someone’s face the resulted in blood on the ice the refs tried to clean up. They were not fined or suspended. If anything, I think Roy had a bit more reason to react the way he did.
Yesterday happened to be Drayson Bowman’s birthday which turned out nice for him scoring two goals in the first. I was hoping for a Bowman birthday hattie, no dice. Scoring also in the first was Jared Spurgeon. Judd Blackwater scored in the second. Mike Reddington scored in the third. Curtis Kelner and Ryan Letts got into a few fights.
Ryan Letts smashed a Bruins face in the third. Letts may just be the new Miles Stoesz. I wish I snapped a picture of the kid, he lost a tooth and left a bloody mess. Letts was unscathed.
Bruins has one goal and Army had an easy night in the pipes.
At the moment a game is in progress with Seattle. Spokane up 2-0 at the top of the third with Tokarski goaltending.
Holy shit. Chiefs beat the Ams, on a buck night. In a shut out to be precise. Tokarski was unmovable object, he let nothing get by him.
Roman scored the lone goal in the first. Rutherford scored in the second. Rutherford also punched Colton Yellow Horn. And Rutherford ditched the blond hair. About time. Compton and Bowman smacked goals in the third.
Some Spokane fans sat behind the Ams bench armed with stadium horns and cow bells. The Ams coach was freaking out demanding security to boot them. But security laughed him off and told the fans not to touch the glass.
It was quite the game of penalties. The first one makes me smile. When I told one fan that Yellow Horn thought he looked like Brad Pitt, he laughed and said “Yellow Horn looks like he ate Brad Pitt.”
1 – TRI Yellow Horn, 4:24 – Major-Fighting , 5 min
1 – SPO Rutherford, 4:24 – Major-Fighting , 5 min
1 – TRI Reese, 4:43 – Cross Checking , 2 min (PP)
1 – TRI Wilgosh, 7:43 – Holding , 2 min (PP)
1 – TRI Hoff, 8:12 – Delay of Game , 2 min (PP)
1 – TRI Wilgosh, 13:21 – Tripping , 2 min (PP)
1 – SPO Bowman, 17:52 – Hooking , 2 min (PP)
2 – SPO Cowen, 3:31 – Holding , 2 min (PP)
2 – SPO Falk, 5:24 – Tripping , 2 min (PP)
3 – TRI Hoff, 4:21 – Hooking , 2 min (PP)
3 – SPO Bowman, 5:00 – Tripping , 2 min (PP)
3 – TRI Reddick, 8:31 – Tripping , 2 min (PP)
3 – TRI Hughesman, 11:06 – Checking from Behind , 2 min
3 – TRI Hughesman, 11:06 – Roughing , 2 min
3 – TRI Yellow Horn, 11:06 – Roughing , 2 min (PP)
3 – SPO Koper, 11:06 – Roughing , 2 min
3 – SPO McCrae, 11:06 – Roughing , 2 min
3 – TRI Procyshen, 14:11 – Inter. on Goaltender , 2 min
3 – SPO McCrae, 14:11 – Hooking , 2 min
3 – SPO Kelner, 19:01 – 10-Minute Misconduct , 10 min
3 – SPO Glass, 19:58 – Delay of Game , 2 min (PP)
If you have any tips, phone numbers, mayhjah issues, Mustache Monday submissions or don't like the flavor of Haterade; wraparoundcurl@gmail.com
On the docket;
Toronto: Spring Break. The TO could use a dame of my caliber.
hockey boyfriend power rankings.
1. Dustin Tokarski, you will probably always occupy the number one slot. Nice job ninjaing the starting goalie slot for the Admirals.. 2 Kyle Beach, we are just like John Bender and Clare Standish in the Breakfast Club and I sorta love you. 3. Milan Lucic, babe I think I am suffering from Lucic Lust... 4. Sean Avery, you scored two goals on the Leafs and all I could do was giggle.
