Schultz and Wrap Cover the [almost] NHL Debut of Drayson Bowman

Click Here to launch the liveblog

OMG, are all members of the Drayson Bowman Fan Club present? Can you handle him skating with a Staal?! JK, Eric isn’t playing this game.

uhmmm uhhhh.

Caption contest, make it hilariously inappropriate.

Major props go out to Schultz for taking some amazing pictures of my Chiefs.
Yes I am aware I haven’t written an actual post lately. I am working on it.

“The Life of a Hockey League’s Jesus”

Schultzie here again, since Wrap decided to go drink heavily to PAX, I’m holding down the fort and in charge of posting guest submissions.  This just awesome bit comes courtesy of End With Style.  Read carefully, it kicks ass.  I think Geno is still wandering, in search of true love…

“Did you know people write stories about us?”

Sidney brought the question up casually while they were drinking at the table in Chuck E Cheese his kitchen, their respective drinks in front of them with condensation leaving a ring of water on the wood underneath. It was the middle of the off-season and most of the league was where they call home with their families and friends, preparing for the upcoming season.

“Ugh, yeah, Sid… we all get stories written about us. The media loves hearing about good ‘ole farming class kids making it to the pros, or just being the first to write about a minor league player. You of all players should know that,” his invisible friend Colby Armstrong says after shooting an odd glance toward his friend. He was only drinking a Vitamin Water… he couldn’t have been drunk.

The Triumphant Return of Cock Knockers, Incorporated!

Hey, Schultzie here filling in for the partying Wrap Around Curl.  Wrap put out a call for guests posts and here is the first, coming in from your friend and mine, Loser Domi.

Howdy ho, Sailors! Loser Domi here with the newest edition of Cock Knockers, Incorporated (Volume 4 if you’re keeping score at home.) In case you missed it, the first three volumes are here, here, and here. Also, just to let you know, unless Wrap and I get some incredible divine inspiration, this is likely the last chapter. It’s been a blast–thanks for reading!

out of office auto reply;

I am going on just the tiniest and shortest of jaunts. I will be heading out to Seattle, to the dork Mecca that is Penny Arcade Expo. My thumbs while quickly tire due to numerous games of Mario Kart, battling on the DS. But the pain will subside because I hope to consume margaritas as big as my face. A fishbowl goblet of tequila and amazingness.

In my departure there will be some guest posters. Schultz will be taking over. No idea if I will be able to duck in and check in on things. I probably should take some time away. I tend to fuss over this like some deranged stage mother. And I don’t want to be one of those Dina Lohan’s spray tanning a sobbing five year old who is ruining her hooker makeup.

As much as I adore the Chiefs, this would make me love them even more;

Good luck in Everett, boyos.
Leave me comments.

Hottie Hockey Dreamy Team: Center of Your Attention Final and Righties Who Still Rile You Up

Ladies, we are nearing the end. Thanks for hanging on. We have made it even easier to vote! After the jump, find the technology we should have used agesssss ago.

Scandalous Stick Handling, ahem.

Wrap Around Curl: http://hockeyfan7187.blogspot.com/ Uhhh wow. Reasonable Doubt sent me that.
“dave schultz”: what. the. fuck.
Wrap Around Curl: I KNOW. It’s wildly inaccurate given Geno can’t speak English.
“dave schultz”: hahahaaaa, i love that your criticism of it is that the inaccuracy of Geno not being able to speak English hahahahaaahahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I think those fanfic stories are intended to be accompanied by battery operated devices and the finest of Boone’s Farm.

Update: so the Malkin fanfic was removed and the account deleted. This is the first time I have ruined someone’s life, I think. I did manage to snag a copy of the work before it was all removed. Though we are missing chapters 1-4. It has been suggested we just write our own missing chapters.

I think it should be acted out. Like that time on the Office where Pam found Michael’s screenplay then they did a dramatic reading of it. Can anyone do a really great fake Russian accent? And who will play our heroine? The girl who’s father owns a hockey team, yet she is a Denny’s waitress. It’s in the vein of those hooker with a heart of gold stories.

Hottie Hockey Dreamy Team: Defensemen Showdown and Battle of the Left Wingers

We have one position settled; foxiest netminder. Who came out on top? Pretty Ricky or Carey Price? After the jump find out who is the number one stunner in the pipes as well as the final faceoff for defensemen and the heated battle of left winger.

moving down the road

Kevin Armstrong was picked up by the Prince George Cougars today. Here are a few more details here. I think Kevin got a bit lost in the shuffle because of Dustin Tokarski. But Army is a stellar goalie in his own right and will be a great fit in Prince George. Thanks for a great job in Spokane, Army.

Spokane still have more over-agers to sort out.;
Seth Compton
Curtis Kelner
Justin Falk
Trevor Glass
Justin McCrae

I love all of those boys and they really bring a lot to the team and I would hate to be the one to have to tell them, “sorry, but we can’t keep you.” Compton is lovely and feisty and I don’t think his numbers entirely reflect his importance. Kelner has been a wonderful addition this past season, great puck handler and hits hard. Falk, well he runs a bit too hot and cold for my tastes but he definitely has his strong points. Glasser’s playoff beard was epic. He kinda looked like Jesus. McCrae is a delight, who plays well with others. Though acquired half way through the season, he showed up ready to work.

Kick save and a beaut to Jenn for the link

ALSO; Judd Blackwater was invited to the Chicago Blackhawks Prospects Camp. Who else will be present? Kyle effing Beach. I hate that kid. But give ‘em hell, Blackwater. Camp Roster here. Once again hipped to me by Jenn.

dangerous in the pipes, ya heard?

Seriously, I have no idea what I would without my hockey blogging bestie, Jenn. Once again, she comes through for me and hipping me to this delight of a read;

Tokarski, 17, was the key player for the Spokane Chiefs, who won the Memorial Cup a few weeks back. Choose your superlative: Tokarski was spectacular, lights-out, unconscious. It was the most impressive postseason performance by a junior netminder in recent memory, all the more noteworthy given that it’s usually goalies a year or two older who are taking their teams to the Memorial Cup.

The hilarious part after reading the article was Jenn and I attempting to figure out just how tall that other goalie is compared to Dustin. Apparently, we cannot add inches correctly. It took us like 3 attempts. Is the answer 6′7″?