all the bodies…

For a Wednesday game, the arena was a bit of a morgue. There were toe tags everywhere. But that might have been the Seattle Thunderbirds. They were uhhhh kinda errrr destroyed? Two hat tricks to be had. You would think the dude in 116 would end up with one year of free Comcast since two hatties occured. But who knows. Drayson Bowman had two goals via penalty shots. Schultzie is right, Baby Pickard is just adorable and button nosed. Tyler Johnson had a hattie. Ondrejjjjj Romannnnn had a goal. Dustin Tokarski was just off. It was comedy of errors though. During practice he stepped on a refs leg and skated off like it never happened. In the first he lost his stick and Mike Reddington was a gent lent him his stick. Then when Toka was making the swich he like tripped and bonked into the boards grabbing his stick. Then a few times during the game to cover the puck he just went down flat on his back, like he was either on the Drop part of Stop Drop and Roll. Or was trying to play dead so a grizzly would stop attacking him.

Chiefs take the cake with a 7-3 victory. The player magnet was Mitch Wahl. He was rather quiet. Oh well.

Cowen Watch: no where to be seen. However Schultz sent this my way from one of her commenters.

all better!

THOSE WILL FIX COWEN! Cupcakes for Cowen. Start your ovens. Buy them here.

the massacre of st. valentine.

The day of February the 14th is a bleak day for many. Even when with a lovely, there is the sense of doom of the date going bad and perhaps allergic reactions. Chucking all expectations of the day out the window I spent most of it in my pyjamas enjoying various games on Center Ice. Then for the Leafs and Pens I slid on over for my Princess Game Thread duties on Pension Plan Puppets. Once again, I expected doom. Or rather I expected a solid start and then a spectacular meltdown. Or a meltdown and then a spectacular finish. You never know with the Leafs. It’s a tumultuous relationship. A rough start but the Leafs seemed to pull it together. I missed nearly all the third as I had the Chiefs game to attend. I pull out my phone and check the final; 6-2. WHAT? Is this right? I in fact texted someone else to verify this was indeed the score. I had a skip in my step for the Chiefs game, Buck Night/Cheerstix aside.

There were are lot more leggings/pirate boots/hair extensions out that normal. I was confused and remembered this is how some broads dress for the occasion. The amount of hairspray was alarming.

The Chiefs were clicking from the start which is a good thing since they have seemed a bit off lately. Sure they can get the job done but there was a bit of a laziness and cutting corners. Four goals the Chiefs put up in the first. Somehow the Oil Kings snuck one in, but literally no one saw it so I will chalk it up to an accounting error and that it shouldn’t have even counted. The second period the demolition and dismantling of the Oil Kings was swift and surgical. And another four goals were put up. The third period seemed like the boyos were holding back, perhaps not wanting to totally go for the jugular and the Oil Kings snuck in one more goal. However the Chiefs returned with three goals including two by Dustin Donaghy which were assisted by Ryan Letts.

Final damage; 11-2 Chiefs.

Now for the matter of cupcakes. Look at this;

my my that's a lot of action...

Now, the cupcake awards. Clearly there is no one individual as this game was gasp! shock! awe! a team effort. So I am thinking the whole crew is getting cuppycakes. Like each player is getting like 3 dozen cupcakes. I’d do the math, but I think I will be in the kitchen for like the next 5 days or something. God that is a lot of butter…

Pictures to come soon as I am having technical difficulties with the laptop. Again.

Heard said by a Edmonton scratch: DUDE YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE THIS CHICK. JUST WAIT TIL YOU SEE HER. Who was the her? One of the Chiefs girlfriends. She likes her bronzer…

Ryan Letts, Happy Birthday! I hope you liked the deep fried Oreos.

Team posters tomorrowwwwwww.

The drayson bowman show.

Brady Calla/BroD/Brody Jenner. You are now in good graces. I know, it was super important to you. The Panel discussed it. We think you are alright. Even cupcake worthy. You shaved the neckbeard! Extra sprinkles.

Where do I begin with this game. As it was all sorts of delightful. The winning streak continues and Dustin Tokarski notches another shutout further sexifying his stats. Drayson Bowman nets a hat trick. He wanted points. And posted five for the evening. There were second period fighting shenanigans. The Chiefs are all about second period dramatics apparently. This post is short. But will soon perhaps be filled with some pics. Scoring summary style! Chiefs beatdown the bruins 6-0. Chalupas. Oh things at the game I didn’t enjoy; a potentially very injured Jared Cowen and a suspended Levko Koper.

Shenanigans afoot! I am the new Girl Saturday over on Puck the Media. Sweet posting action to follow soon. Maybeeeeee..

Lick it up baby. Lick it up.

You know, thanks a lot WHL. Really. You never want people to see games, like ever. Unless they pay some outrageous fee to stream in some soddy internet player.

So what did I miss last night when the Chiefs were on the road? Oh nothing but complete sexiness. Seriously. So many cupcakes to give out. The sexy kind. Really hot. The Chiefs played the Kyle Beach-less Everett Silvertips. So all I have is the scoring summary to imagine the hottness that was a 9-1 victory. For starts? The Jareds were plus 4. What a wonderful defensive duo. Throwing their weight around and getting the job done. Dustin Tokarski in the pipes on a Wednesday? Odd. Dustin Tokarski stopping 19 of 20? Typical. And awesome. Ondrejjjjjjj Romannnnn scoring another goal? I think it’s getting hot in here. Brady Calla/Brody Jenner had a goal too. I just might ease up on him a tad. I might. It’s up for discussion with The Panel. Do I need to go through nine goals I didn’t even witness? No. Let’s kick it scoring summary style.

it's called motivation.

Cupcakes. For all of you. Let’s keep it going, shall we?

overloaded;

This was a quite the stuffed day for me and hockey. I was in one of the legendary and classic Melt Your Face Off liveblogs for the skills competition. It came out of nowhere but I think I am crushing on Evgeni Malkin. As I told the Puck Huffers regarding Malkin: What is this feeling in my swimsuit areas? I was told to get used to it. So yes there were things? Also I have a thing for Jay Bouwmeester I think. He looks like he’d do my math homework for me. Like I could somehow lure him in by talking Warcraft then BAM! Homeboy is standard deviation’ing it all up for me. What a kitten. Tim Thomas looks like he works at the Home Depot making him oddly appealing. Like he is a radass goalie, then he’d caulk my tile and find studs to hang shit up. Dreamy right?

CAREY PRICE: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLZ CALL ME?

Also on my CALL ME! list are; Shea Weber, Vinny Lecav (even if that is a COSBY SWEATAHHHHH!) and Zach Parise.

Other things occured outside of my superficial musings. Andrew Cogliano skated ridiculously fast. Alexander Ovechkin won the breakaway naturally. Malkin snagged the accurate mothafucka of the evening. Zdeno Chara scared people by smacking a puck at 105 miles an hour. Terrifying. Absolutely.

For the Strapping Young Gents Game it was the Frosh vs the Sophs. Blah blah. LUKE SCHENN SCORED A GOAL.

Luke Schenn is relentless.

Photo evidence of the goal here.

Then tonight the Chiefs took on the Tri City Americans for one of the things I hate most in this world and that is CheerStix/Buck Night. Seriously, they should hand out Vicodin at the door or something. The game was allegedly sold out. But those with corporate season tickets usually can’t bother to show up. Whatever. Carry on.

I was actually dreading this game since I know that Tri has been on quite the rampage. Pessimist here, remember that. The game was actually quite brilliant. Ondrej Roman continues his streak of being Mr Productive. And I must say it’s quite hot. Ondrej should have been back a while ago, who knows how many billions of points he would have had by now. Dustin Tokarski continues to wear the girlie mask which might need renamed since he wins with it. Brady Calla/Brody Jenner scored on the penalty kill in the first and I wondered if I was high. The second period was chock-full of dramz. There were fights. Like a ton of them within the first few seconds of the period.

TXT from Schultzie; what the fuck?!

TXT reply from WAC;I have noooooooo clue. I don’t know who your fighters are. But ours are sooooooo not Cowen and Koper.

That’s right Levkooooo Koperrrr fought. And so did Jared Cowen. He does not like it when people get close to Tokarski. It was quite strange. Since Cowen is someone I have always viewed as some enormous puppy. Then he was like RAWR SMASH. It was interesting. Oh Drayson Bowman fought twice in the game. What is going on with that boy? Holy penalties….Anyways the Chiefs won. The boys looked very sharp and crisp. Oops I accidentally typed Crips the first time. They are so gangsta. Anyways the passing was charming and the goals were pretty. There were alleged Chalupas.

OMG CUTE NEWS ITEM NUMBER ONE: Drew Owsley is like the most adorable little goalie evarrrrrr. I wanted to feed him cookies and Capri Suns. He is a baby, shorter than Tokarski. I just wanted to hug him and carry him around with me. Also in OMG CUTE NEWS ITEM NUMBER TWO: the Hockey Armor tiny tot picked to stand with the starting line was tres adorbs. Some little five year old. I assume Toka was cooing “skate over here kiddo….” He was better than I would be on skates. Then it looked like he was skating for the Ams bench and Tyler Johnson was like “thisaway.” OMG CUTE NEWS ITEM NUMBER THREE: During some play Tokarski like jumped in the air like he was clicking his heels or something. I for sure I laughed out loud.

hazing the frosh.

My girlies and I like to goss and chatter. And the Chiefs posted the roster pics for the newbs. And some others were updated. I think all of them should have been updated since the first batch looks like Vasaline lens roster pics. All those pics were missing was some Sade and candles. Shittttt. Dare we examine the new ones?

public displays of affection;

How do we reward our darlings? We? Well, it all started with Q talking about how good boys cookies. Then Schultz decided star players get waffles. Because really, who doesn’t like waffles? And then I have declarations of preparing baked goods, specifically cupcakes, for my hockey kittens.

Tonight it was the Chiefs vs the Americans with their typical nailbiter showdown. There was a first period with no goals scored. And a second period when an Am scored and ONDREJJJJJ ROMANNNNN smacked in a goal.

I poured a Disaronno straight up for the third period.

Shootout. Drayson Bowman I love you. Tokarski, perhaps I retract about me calling it a girlie mask.

still a sucker for fauxhawks.

100 club.

Last night the Chiefs played the Portland Winterhawks and I am reallllllly getting tired of typing that sentence. Anyways, the game looked super sexy because it was on a real television network, FSN so the production values were in the tens maybe twenties of dollars. I am used to the five dollar Comcastic broadcasts that at times appear to be created in some shack with a Maglite. But that’s not the point, is it? I should be thrilled at times the WHL decided to join this current technological age and decided to bring some games to bits and pieces of the masses.

Oh yeah. Portland. I was a bit miffed at first at the butchering of a certain goaltender’s name. But then all was right. And the Winterhawk announcers were crushing on Dustin Tokarski hardcore. It was a bit embarrassing.Their adoration was quite apparent in the second intermission interview. “So, Dustin, what’s it like to be so awesome and have so many trophies? You are gonna win more right? You don’t even play for us and yet we feel our pants tightening.”

Tokarski wasn’t wearing his usual mask. He was wearing his other mask I need to post a picture of that, I call it the girlie mask. It just lacks the studliness of his standard goalie mask but I won’t entirely knock it since he won, stopping 30 of 31 shots. The one that was let his he probably could have had. He shook his head and probably swore under his breath. Which is really what I like to see in a goalie. Take some goddamn notes Vesa Toskala. Passion and caring, try it out sometime.

Oh but who was the Chief of the game? Considering the final damage was 7-1. I have quite a lot of options. Well I think it would default to Drayson Bowman for scoring his 100th goal as a Chief. Half a cuppy cake for Brody Jenner/Brady Calla getting into fisticuffs. Ondrej Roman gets a good eight cupcakes or so for scoring his first goal since returning to Spokane roster. Tyler Johnson scored two goals and looked entirely bored doing it. Perhaps Bro-J will share some frosting with him.

Scoring summary.

And onto the penalties!

Bows! Roughing penalties! Am I high?

we’re a four piece prog rock alterna band.

this band rules.

The Chiefs wore some black jerseys so they could be all “GRRRRR we won the Memorial Cup” which didn’t make a lot of sense.  Honestly I am a bit tired of this winning the Memorial Cup nonsense being mentioned about 15 times a game. It’s a bit embarassing. It happened months ago. So chill the fuck out and get a new schtick.

I was a bit conflicted at the game. Kyle Beach is no longer a Silvertip. Part of me did a happy dance and part of me was a sad panda. But it didn’t matter because Dustin Donaghy was a good kitten and scored a goal and found someone to fight with. Cameron Abney went through what I have seen so many times before which is something like a moment of panic in Donaghy’s numerous opponents, “oh fuck I am fighting Donaghy and my face hurts.“

Wait why am I talking about Donaghy? The darling of the game was Ondrej Roman. The J is silent as Lori and I discussed.  I might just start tacking on j’s to the ends of words. Seej howj itj worksj outj. It was dazzling to see Ondrej back. Has he always skated that fast and I had forgotten? It had been entirely too long but he seamlessly fit back in and posted an assist. So naturally I was swooning.

But I have to give cuppy cakes to James Reid for being flawless and getting the shutout. What kind would you like? From the start of the season I didn’t entirely have faith in Reid given he was being measured against Dustin Tokarski. He had his moments of shakiness and proved me wrong. Oh yeah, I am totally wrong sometimes. Yeah ok, so a double batch of cuppy cakes for Reid, who also needs some nickname.

kisses and baked goods are in order

Ondrej takes a faceoff. Rawr.

Alright I am long overdue and I totally owe Chemmy, one half of Triple P. Chemmy, thank you darling for making Ondrej Roman return to the Chiefs. You told me you were going to see him play at the World Juniors. And I asked for you to kidnap him and bring him back to the Chiefs because we were totally missing him. You saw him play, he for sure does not suck. Chemmy took that picture of Ondrej and sent it to me from the game with the ever so simple caption, “I found Ondrej.” Somehow you worked your voodoo and we have our Ondrej back. And I thank you Chemmy, and so do the other ladies around here. Maybe if you are nice we will bake you some cuppy cakes.

where’s ondrej? part 2

Wow, so the Chiefs site can’t even be updated in a timely manner but every other news outlet in town is reporting that ONDREJ ROMAN IS COMING BACK TO THE CHIEFS. I CANNOT CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT AND NEED TO USE CAPSLOCK TO EXPRESS MYSELF.

Newslink here and some video here

Let’s make signs, kids.

where’s ondrej?

I still maintain the Chiefs are hurting/aching/not sleeping at night because they are missing Ondrej Roman. I have penned numerous ramblings about his loveliness. Not only is he brilliant with the puck, well just look at him ladies…

I know you are swooning right? You want to spend Saturdays with him in some hole in the wall cafe restaurant thinger eating french toast and making fun of the personals in the back of the local paper and perhaps playing naughty Jenga later on or whatever.

Anyways, I found Ondrej,

So if one of you boys, perhaps you Tokarski since you probably have the biggest bag, could bring home one of my darlings that would be fantastic. Just make sure to feed and water him. I don’t want him getting mushed and damaged in transit. At least this Ondrej won’t get in a tiff with you when you go out to Red Lobster.

roster via eliteprospects.com

grrrrrness.

3-2 Seattle Thunderbirds.
Profanity ensues.

……

GODDAMMIT. SONOFAFUCKENBITCH. REALLY!? I mean. Likeeeeee. The first period was scoreless. There were slight fisticuffs. Did you know it’s hard for four players to sit in a penalty box? The quarters get a bit cramped. There wasn’t even a decent fight or brawl to merit four of my darlings in the box.

Wahl, Bowman, Donaghy and Conrad. I might have the boys in the wrong order.

Dear Chiefs,
Don’t get lazy in the third period. Phoning it in on a two goal lead isn’t cute. And Toka can’t stop ‘em all. Especially when the ‘birds are totally making an effort. So suck less plz?
Kthxbai,
Wrap

OMG. I think Ondrej Roman is back! They announced he wasn’t dressed. Which I assume means he escaped the Czech Republic. And Jared Spurgeon was a healthy scratch. I have no idea why.

let me take your temperature

Dear Spokane Chiefs,
It’s really great you have new site, but the layout is cluttered and it’s too flashy. The sponsors distract from potential information. Plus it’s sized all wonky.
So can you fix it?
Kthxbai,
Wrap

PS, get a captain already. Pick Bowman. Hell pick Tokarski.

soooooo, how about those chiefs eh?

Well, the Chiefs made some decisions today. Trevor Glass, one of the over agers is gone. However, he was invited to join up with the Rockford IceHogs. Now coached by Bill Peters! I am going to miss Glasser. Glass, if you recall, was the one about the grab the Memorial Cup trophy from El Capitan Chris Bruton and then it uhm, came apart. Trevor’s playoff beard was epic. Some say it made him look like Jesus. Here he is after the Chiefs won the division;

His beard only got more amazing after that for the Memorial Cup playoffs.
Trevor, thanks for all your hard work. All the best in Rockford.

OHMIBLOG! Ondrej Roman is still waiting for the International Ice Hockey Federation to get his papers sorted out. Hey, IIFH? Sign that shit.

Tyler Johnson might be back from Coyote camp in time for Saturday’s game. But, Chiefs are still down Roman as mentioned, Justin Falk is still doing his thing with the Wild, Jar Jar Spurgeon is rolling with Islanders, Justin McCrae just wrapped up Hurricane camp and Drayson Bowman is still fighting for a slot on the Canes lineup. Ladies and gentleman, home opener Saturday and we are out some vets….

At least we have Dustin Tokarski?