Ladies and gentlemen, step right up and place your wager!
Just how long will Kyle Beach last with the Chicago Blackhawks? The winner is the closest in days, regardless of over/under. So if you overshoot by 10 days, you beat the person who was 11 days under. So place your bets and the winner gets a Tokarski Saves tshirt. To be eligible for the shirt make sure you comment with an email address that you check. When does this contest end? Who knows. Whenever Beach gets kicked out, demoted, suspended etc….I might just randomly give a way a shirt because I can.
Hey Everett? Yeah, I still don’t like you. You play reallllly shysty. With the constant diving, agitation and slashing. Mmmhmm, I am onto you. I am fairly certain half of those hits and injuries were greatly exaggerated. You took you acting lessons from Kyle Beach huh? Well, he is no Dame Helen Mirren. She is a Dame right? Kyle Beach couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag. Britney Spears’ performance in Crossroads is Oscar worthy compared to your thespian leanings. Once again look where the theatrics got you. Losing Chalupa (it’s the new number 5) to 1.
I will admit I expected the worst when the very first shot was some fluke goal by a Silvertip. Something like 28 seconds in and I was hissing, spitting and kicking the seat in front of me. I am a lady but sometimes I have anger issues at hockey. After a frustrating first I took my anger out on a pretzel and an overpriced bottle of Sprite. They were all out of Haterade for me to sip on.
Oh but the second period, this was where it all started to look up for that pessimist space that occupies my chest cavity. The goals started coming in with Dustin Donaghy, Ryan Letts and David Conrad. Then I could say what I realllly love to say, “Suck it, Silvertips.” Drayson Bowman had a power play goal assisted by my pretty pretty Dustin Tokarski in the third. I love it when goalies assist. It should happen more often. Not too often to ruin its special nature. My Chalupa Goal Getter was Mike Betz. Welcome to the Chiefs, Mike. You are doing great.
OHMIBLOGGGGG, you guys! Bows fought Beach! I was pining the loss of Chris Bruton. Because his knockout punch on Beach is my Hockey Christmas. But Bows totally represented. So, I think that means he should get the C.
I picked up a gorgeous canvas print of Tokarski. I love it because you can see The Tick on his mask. After the game the Chiefs were on hand to sign away and as a skating session. So Toka signed it, and I was a sheepish girl mess. I was shaking like some three pound dog freezing. Gahhhh. I hate being a girl. That typically is soooo not my style. I told him I hope he likes Tampa since I had my hand in him getting that gig.
The boys were super sweet, signing away. Mitch Wahl has very fluffy hair that I was oddly tempted to pet. Srsly, when did Seth Compton get so cute? Blake Gal is a southpaw, I don’t think he knew what southpaw meant when I said it. I told Justin McCrae to get off the crutches. I refrained from offering feeding him cookies. I didn’t get a chance to ask Donaghy if that was his natural blond hair color. I nearly squealed with delight watching the Chiefs help all the kiddos skating. They were helping the tots skate as they were signing autographs.
Ahhhhh, Chiefs. How I adore you. I really really do. I mean, I would let you take me out behind the middle school and get me pregnant. And if that isn’t love, then I have no idea what is.
The Chiefs were dazzling tonight. It was the return of Drayson Bowman. Ah how I missed you. You just getting better at hockey and better looking every year. I almost can’t handle it. I mean, RAWR the beast you will be when you are 25. All the ladies will be like “oh wassup Bows?” Ohmigahhhhh, I wish I could marry that goal you scored in the second. It was a ridiculously amazing backhander top shelf flick in. Everyone was going on about Carey Price’s save this week. Fuck that noise. I would have liked to see Carey try and stop that Bowman goal.
Ahw, the mini Jim Halpert, Tyler Johnson, scored in the first. I nearly missed it as some effing broads were late to the game and their fluffy, nasty hair extensions blocked my view. Tsk tsk, no finding seats while the puck is in play. Also, it’s not hard to find your seat. Numbered row, then letter. Why is it so goddamned difficult? Mitch Wahl did a schnazzy, tear out of the penalty box “fuck you refs for putting me there” goal. For seriously, I love it. BTW, Everett? Stop playing like assholes. I mean, it was really Kyle Beachian of you. Look where it got you? Racking up penalties and you couldn’t even get through the Chiefs defense.
Jared Cowen, who I am betting will go high come the draft, had a goal in the third assisted by Levkoooo Koperrrrr and Jar Jar Spurgeon. Homeboy has gotten even bigger this season. If that was possible. What does one feed Cowen? Sides of oxen? Can that be ordered from Costco? Does Costco deliver? I have so many burning questions for the billets who pen up Cow Cow.
Oh and my new Chief crush object Blake Gal had the fifth goal of the evening, the Chalupa Goal. Though I just realized now that leaving the arena I never got my coupon for my free chalupa. Whatevs. Taco Time over Taco Bell, every time. I hear in Canada, Taco Bells don’t have fiesta potatoes. Just regular fries. That boggled my mind…
Dustin Tokarski was reliable as always in the pipes and stopping 30 shots on goal. Tonight was his 11th career shut out. I expect at least four more shut outs from him this season. Yeah, I have high standards. But, the suave motherfucker that Dustin is, he will get it done. Though my favorite part of the evening was when Toka skated to the blue line to talk smack on Everett. The way Zack Dailey was trying to start shit with Jared Spurgeon and being an all around dick, I probably would have shot my mouth off as well. Near the end of the 3rd Toka got hit with a 2 minute unsportsmanlike conduct. I just love it when he talks dirty. Me OW.
Kevin Armstrong was picked up by the Prince George Cougars today. Here are a few more details here. I think Kevin got a bit lost in the shuffle because of Dustin Tokarski. But Army is a stellar goalie in his own right and will be a great fit in Prince George. Thanks for a great job in Spokane, Army.
Spokane still have more over-agers to sort out.;
Seth Compton
Curtis Kelner
Justin Falk
Trevor Glass
Justin McCrae
I love all of those boys and they really bring a lot to the team and I would hate to be the one to have to tell them, “sorry, but we can’t keep you.” Compton is lovely and feisty and I don’t think his numbers entirely reflect his importance. Kelner has been a wonderful addition this past season, great puck handler and hits hard. Falk, well he runs a bit too hot and cold for my tastes but he definitely has his strong points. Glasser’s playoff beard was epic. He kinda looked like Jesus. McCrae is a delight, who plays well with others. Though acquired half way through the season, he showed up ready to work.
ALSO; Judd Blackwater was invited to the Chicago Blackhawks Prospects Camp. Who else will be present? Kyle effing Beach. I hate that kid. But give ‘em hell, Blackwater. Camp Roster here. Once again hipped to me by Jenn.
Today is the THE day for my pretty pretty goalie. And some other Chiefs as well, including the one with the Jim Halpert hair, Tyler Johnson. Here’s hoping the right team recognizes the gem that is Dustin Tokarski and they snatch him up quick. I will be busy cursing at how fast that Kyle Beach will inevitably go.
And of course there will be liveblog action with the MYFOs.
I hear/keeping reading about all the hockey blogger draft party meet ups. I feel like I should be a one since I do write about a slice of the WHL. You know, those Spokane Chiefs. They won that Memorial Cup…
Just know kids, if I were rolling twenties, I would be there with you. Send my best to everyone.
Hey, people looking up Kyle Beach? I suggest you leave my page now. I don’t really have anything nice to say about him. You can dig and dig through my posts. But all you will find is that I reallllllly can’t stand the kid. Oh and there was that time Chris Bruton delivered the most glorious knockout punch on Beach. That was my hockey Christmas.
EDIT: Congratulations to Dustin Tokarski for being picked by the Tampa Bay Lightning. They have Stamkos and Barry Melrose for a coach. Dustin, that’s what we like to call a win. Mitch Wahl, you are gonna do the Flames proud. Jared Spurgeon, the Islanders choose you. Because your hair is magnificent.
I am no journalist or anything as you can tell by my chaos pocket I run here. However, I really think author screwed the pooch on this article;
Scroll down to number 14. I am fairly certain they meant to write about Drayson Bowman, and were flustered or something. Maybe they could not properly convey his awesomeness into words. I don’t know. But I know of someone besides me who can pen something about Bowman supreme fantastic nature.
Also, I am a little hurt that no Chiefs are named in the article. But I hold out on grabbing my torch and pitchfork until next week’s installment. Then you can imagine if Ondrej Roman is missing, I will start a riot.
Read number 9. That one made me laugh. For like 4 minutes.
Apparently according to the nifty features of WordPress, I can track search engine terms and see just how people stumbled into my humble little blogabode. The terms that keep routinely popping up? They relate to either Kyle Beach or Colton Yellow Horn. My two least favorite peeps!
Also today someone wanted to know if Mr. Yellow Horn has a girlfriend. I don’t know who would date that because his name sounds like a venereal disease. And the person who wants to know if he is on the market is probably too young to know about birth control and abstinence. I am a firm believer in Yellow Horn Abstinence education.
If you feel like you need a reason to bash your brains out with a rock, then I suggest reading yesterday’s write up of the Sunday game. The article starts;
“It was never am issue of whether the Spokane Chiefs could respond, it was whether they would.
In front of a Sunday night Arena crowd of 4705 they did.”
Are you kidding me?
I couldn’t bother to read the rest because I was too occupied sputtering and screaming how terrible that opening bit was. OF COURSE THEY WOULD RESPOND. It’s the motherfucking playoffs! After all this the Chiefs were just gonna roll over and let themselves be blocked by Tyson Sexsmith? I am pretty sure if the Chiefs were going to just shit off of Vancouver, a riot would have broken out. Also, it’s not like the Chiefs phoned in Friday’s game. As I have said before, this round is incredibly evenly matched.
So stop writing about the Chiefs like that and go cover a pie eating contest.
I guess Kyle Beach is sporting a full mask because he has an eye socket injury and if someone punches him, he could go blind. Fine, he is still a prick. Sending Harty to do his work for him.
Everett decided to not play entirely dirty tonight and played a bit o’ hockey. It was cute, really.
Ondrej Roman scores in the first. Seth Compton scored in the second. Roman again in the third. And Mitch Wahl shot an empty netter with a vengeance in the last 2 minutes. Tokarski had a relatively easy night with only one ‘Tips goal slipping past. download this: Word Up covered by Korn. Surprisingly amazing.
For reasons I am not entirely sure of, Seth Compton was interviewed after the game wearing a yellow hard hat. How Bob the Builder.
Mmmmm yeah! The sweet taste of losing. Goes great with swallowing glass shards mixed with Drain-o. Chiefs lose 2-1 to Everett. A lone goal by Judd Blackwater in the third. Kyle Beach still lives another day. Grumble grumble. Tri Cities tonight, I feel another loss coming on!
Call me crazy but I think some of the mates were phoning in last nights game. Chris Bruton was inconsistent. David Rutherford sure busted balls, sadly to no avail. Defense seemed off. Tokarski did a solid job but he can’t carry the team on his own.
Bring your cowbells, kids. It will be a long night.
Luckily, there were no Everett fans in attendance this evening. Though it was to be expected it with it being a Wednesday and whatnot. Mike Reddington was our player magnet. About two minutes into the game an Everett player was down, and I was having flashes of the Beach/Bruton fiasco. But he skated off with assistance. Back to the game, Justin McCrae popped one in. I love that kid, what a great player we acquired. I was kinda sad I had no Everett fans to taunt. But it was cool, everyone just screamed at Kyle Beach.
Trevor Glass smacked one in the first as well, assisted by McCrae. Then Chris Bruton decided he needed a goal and did it unassisted.
Levko Koper also had a goal. That kid needs to do that more often. He is good at it.
Ryan Letts had two fights racking up at least 10 minutes in penalties. He was gunning for English, which I probably would have done. Everett plays dirty. Sticks were frequently smacked away and kicked around by the ‘Tips.
McCrae had a Gordie Howe hattie, fighting in the third and getting ejected from the game.
Once again, as always: Tokarski saves. Only one goal slide past him and he had 34 saves.
The Chiefs have a full plate coming up. Tomorrow night we throw down with Everett. Everett fans make me groan the most because they are typically assholes. They spill beers and don’t wait for the whistle. They tend to displace a lot of mass as well (fatties). However, usually if they are older, they tend to be a bit nicer and more reasonable. Oh, and it’s player magnet night, y’all! I haven’t missed one in two seasons.
Friday we face Seattle. I don’t have much to say about them, since not many typically show up. It’s probably a downgrade to travel from Seattle to Spokane. We probably don’t have enough Starbucks to suit their tastes.
Saturday is the real groaner. It’s Tri City. Which is probably Buck Night. Which I find to be a curse. I get all wired up on dollar sodas then angsty when we lose. Also, avoid being anywhere near someone who is in a Tri City Americans jersey. You will be overcome with the urge to punch them in the face. And ask them to not eat up all the dollar popcorn.
Chris Bruton has a captain’s blog. Which is here It’s nice, but a tad wordy. I think Bruton would probably write something short, with bullet points and some intern decided to punch it up to the point where it is a bit dull.
So far it looks as thought Bruton is in the clear and will not be suspended. Apparently, according to the newspaper, Kyle Beach was poppin’ his mouf off (I am paraphrasing) and El Capitain socked him.
Still though, Chiefs don’t need a Todd Bertruzzi.
Though the WHL is up in arms thinking some type of discipline needs to take place. I am gonna try and find the hit on YouTube.
Hey, Chris Bruton. Can we have a heart to heart here? I am a bit worried about you. Are you ok? Did your girlfriend break up with you? Because you are slipping sir. You just came off suspension. And now you are definitely going to be suspended again. I imagine at least 5 games. Granted, Kyle Beach is a certifiable tool. And of all the ‘Tips to take a punch, I am glad it was him. But seriously dude you are slipping in your captainly duties. At this rate, your C is gonna move to other players. It might have to go to McCrae, the new guy everyone loves. I am here if you want to talk.
Love,
Heather
Ok, so the Chiefs lost to the Everett Silvertips 2-1. Drayson Bowman scored pretty early in the first. Then the ‘Tips popped in a goal that was honestly a lucky shot and no fault of Saint Tokarski. The ‘Tips scored again in the second and it was sloppy from there on. Upon the the final buzzer, from what I am told, Mitch Wahl kinda pawed at Kyle Beach for covering the puck. And Bruton, deciding that Wahl wasn’t pawing hard enough and popped one Beach and he went down like Wile E. Coyote. And didn’t get up for a bit. He left the ice in a neckbrace after lying there about 15 minutes. The manager didn’t seem to care one of his best players was down. Also, Jared Cowen did some damage to Everett player Whateverhisfirstname Alexander. In the third, Alexander lost his stick and decided to body block shots from Cowen. Taking roughly five shots to the torso in a minute. He limped off the ice. Chiefs are on the road. I just may post updates on that. Don’t expect anything too magical.
Spokane takes the ice at home next Friday and Saturday.
If you have any tips, phone numbers, mayhjah issues, Mustache Monday submissions or don't like the flavor of Haterade; wraparoundcurl@gmail.com
On the docket;
Toronto: Spring Break. The TO could use a dame of my caliber.
hockey boyfriend power rankings.
1. Dustin Tokarski, you will probably always occupy the number one slot. Nice job ninjaing the starting goalie slot for the Admirals.. 2 Kyle Beach, we are just like John Bender and Clare Standish in the Breakfast Club and I sorta love you. 3. Milan Lucic, babe I think I am suffering from Lucic Lust... 4. Sean Avery, you scored two goals on the Leafs and all I could do was giggle.
