The Chiefs continue to hate me. I really don’t have much to say about last night’s game other than it was a disgusting performance. Which I never planned on saying given Kyle Beach had a hat trick and THE CHIEFS STILL LOST. I’m sorry, but under no circumstances should a team lose when a player steps up like that. I think I knew the night was going to suck when I was disappointed by the player magnet. It was handed to me and I said “REALLY?”
Some notes:
-Brayden Schenn wasn’t as tan as he was at the draft.
-There were three players present on the ice I saw drafted in Montreal: Schenn, Scott Glennie and Jared Cowen.
-Cowen was useless last night and played lazy and is thus ON MY LIST. And it’s not the one I bake cupcakes for.
-Mitch Wahl was playing defense a few times, pretty sure…
-Schenn scored a goal and it was announced as “Scoring for the Wheat Kings, Luke Schenn…” HAHAHAH.
-Reid probably needs a night off.
-Portland is at the top of our division. Is this real life?
-I miss Jared Spurgeon. A lot.
-It’s really hard for me to rage and kick the seat in front of me when there is a person sitting in it.
-I think the Wheat Kings lied about their heights. They looked super tall.
-Also the Kyle Beach fangirls are now known as Beach Bunnies. Yes, a boy can be a Beach Bunny.
Yo Chiefs:
Tomorrow, NS16, the Canadian and I are Kelowna bound. We have a hockey game to see. Fingers crossed the boys can pull off a road win.
Hey, did you know when the team actually tries, the score works in our favor? It’s seriously crazy how it works. The lines seemed to settle into better combinations, at least long enough so they could find chemistry with each other. The Wahl/Koper/Beach line needs a name. Also, that line shows up and makes the points happen. Stefan Ulmer was a one man defense wrecking crew. I like when he’s on the rampage. Kyle Beach got a bit feisty and I sat there saying “calm down, kitten…” Jared Cowen, please shave that ’stache you have going on? It’s not a cute look. Many of us think you look like Pedro, from Napoleon Dynamite. Chiefs winnnn 4-1. Scoring summary style.
Julia sent more pictures of Dustin Tokarski! Last night he notched his first shut out in Norfolk backstopping the Admirals to a 2-0 win with 26 saves. Also he’s wearing the 34, as he should be. Look at him skating with the kiddos!
Returnees from the 2009 U.S. National Junior Team include forwards Tyler Johnson (Spokane, Wash.), Danny Kristo (Eden Prairie, Minn.), Jordan Schroeder (Prior Lake, Minn.) and Mitch Wahl (Seal Beach, Calif.).
Ahwwww the boys are gonna have so much fun. I hope they make friendship bracelets and eat lots of s’mores.
M is a genius. I have no idea why we didn’t think of it sooner; DR DRAY. That’s right. It was the Drayson Bowman Show and it always cleverly written with the right mix of drama and lighthearted romps. It’s like Freaks and Geeks. Just sans James Franco. Bows posted a lovely three points for the evening with 2 goals and one assist. I had been wondering just where Mitch Wahl has been since he has seemed a bit…lost. But tonight he got a goal and I was pleased. I think the real treat of the evening which was the Brady Calla goal (Super Calla Special, sounds like a sushi roll). Really lovely stuff. I hope there is vid. He was so happy to score, fist pumping like Jason Blake. Justin McCrae also scored. The seasoned players werethe ones throwing their weight around in this game. Tyler Johnson insists he should fight. I still do not advise this…
I heard Seth Compton was at the game. I never saw him. I haz a sad.
Y’all ready for round two? This post is blah. I might massively re-edit in the morning. G’night.
Alright so this post is late because well, I tend to write late as it is. And after the puck action I went to the Onion for usual post game action with The Panel, food goodness and a round of deep fried Oreos and we hashed out the game. The Chiefs were on their best behavior for the most part. Lil’ babeh Drew Owsley was in net for the Ams. He is just the cutest. I was happy with the Chiefs chemistry on the ice, they seemed to have a better sense of uhhhh whatever…enough boringness. The game was great and Drayson Bowman delivered another performance worthy of cupcakes. Mitch Wahl and Jared Spurgeon were plus 3. Most excellent. I was pleased with Dustin Tokarski netminding, he looked all sorts of crisp and I thinkkkkk he was talking to his equipment. But no hating, it got the job done. Wahl celebrated a goal like Jason Blake. But with even more fistpumps. Bows also scored the prettiest goal evarrrrr. For realz. Lovely. For the fuck of shit, Wahl can you please not fight? You aren’t exactly the best at it. Take some tips from Dustin Donaghy.
Bowman/Roman/Calla=the Productive Line. Ok, they need a snappier name. I will think of something maybe.
wassup baby?
Why yes, I am going to use this picture again…
VIVA LA DONAGHY. Keep the dream alive. Game tomorrow and Sunday. And it pleases me to type this, and I have to do right by my boy Eyebleaf, PLAYOFFS!!!1.
This was a quite the stuffed day for me and hockey. I was in one of the legendary and classic Melt Your Face Off liveblogs for the skills competition. It came out of nowhere but I think I am crushing on Evgeni Malkin. As I told the Puck Huffers regarding Malkin: What is this feeling in my swimsuit areas? I was told to get used to it. So yes there were things? Also I have a thing for Jay Bouwmeester I think. He looks like he’d do my math homework for me. Like I could somehow lure him in by talking Warcraft then BAM! Homeboy is standard deviation’ing it all up for me. What a kitten. Tim Thomas looks like he works at the Home Depot making him oddly appealing. Like he is a radass goalie, then he’d caulk my tile and find studs to hang shit up. Dreamy right?
Other things occured outside of my superficial musings. Andrew Cogliano skated ridiculously fast. Alexander Ovechkin won the breakaway naturally. Malkin snagged the accurate mothafucka of the evening. Zdeno Chara scared people by smacking a puck at 105 miles an hour. Terrifying. Absolutely.
For the Strapping Young Gents Game it was the Frosh vs the Sophs. Blah blah. LUKE SCHENN SCORED A GOAL.
Then tonight the Chiefs took on the Tri City Americans for one of the things I hate most in this world and that is CheerStix/Buck Night. Seriously, they should hand out Vicodin at the door or something. The game was allegedly sold out. But those with corporate season tickets usually can’t bother to show up. Whatever. Carry on.
I was actually dreading this game since I know that Tri has been on quite the rampage. Pessimist here, remember that. The game was actually quite brilliant. Ondrej Roman continues his streak of being Mr Productive. And I must say it’s quite hot. Ondrej should have been back a while ago, who knows how many billions of points he would have had by now. Dustin Tokarski continues to wear the girlie mask which might need renamed since he wins with it. Brady Calla/Brody Jenner scored on the penalty kill in the first and I wondered if I was high. The second period was chock-full of dramz. There were fights. Like a ton of them within the first few seconds of the period.
TXT from Schultzie; what the fuck?!
TXT reply from WAC;I have noooooooo clue. I don’t know who your fighters are. But ours are sooooooo not Cowen and Koper.
That’s right Levkooooo Koperrrr fought. And so did Jared Cowen. He does not like it when people get close to Tokarski. It was quite strange. Since Cowen is someone I have always viewed as some enormous puppy. Then he was like RAWR SMASH. It was interesting. Oh Drayson Bowman fought twice in the game. What is going on with that boy? Holy penalties….Anyways the Chiefs won. The boys looked very sharp and crisp. Oops I accidentally typed Crips the first time. They are so gangsta. Anyways the passing was charming and the goals were pretty. There were alleged Chalupas.
OMG CUTE NEWS ITEM NUMBER ONE: Drew Owsley is like the most adorable little goalie evarrrrrr. I wanted to feed him cookies and Capri Suns. He is a baby, shorter than Tokarski. I just wanted to hug him and carry him around with me. Also in OMG CUTE NEWS ITEM NUMBER TWO: the Hockey Armor tiny tot picked to stand with the starting line was tres adorbs. Some little five year old. I assume Toka was cooing “skate over here kiddo….” He was better than I would be on skates. Then it looked like he was skating for the Ams bench and Tyler Johnson was like “thisaway.” OMG CUTE NEWS ITEM NUMBER THREE: During some play Tokarski like jumped in the air like he was clicking his heels or something. I for sure I laughed out loud.
I love Teddy Bear Toss Night. Because the boys always deliver. Just who was responsible for unleashing the 4,067 plushies? Why it was Mitch Wahl, early in the first. Thanks for coming out, Kootenay. And thanks for getting us Chalupas before the end of the first. Final damage, 6-2 Chiefs.
Dear Brett Bartman,
You have been a bit under the radar but you showed up tonight. And by showing up I mean, thanks for the fight in the first and the two assists on the night.
Tonight is the teddy bear toss night, or one of the coolest things that the W does. It’s awesome because throwing things on the ice is fun and it’s for a great cause. Round up a bunch of teddy bears. No really, do it. I took 15 last year. When the first Chiefs goal is scored, start tossing. The bears will then be rounded up and taken to some kiddos this holiday season.
Also for the children; one of my favorite charities is Child’s Play. Created by Tycho and Gabe of Penny Arcade to show gamers can do good. Child’s Play teams up with childrens hospitals across the globe creating wish lists. The lists have everything from DS Lites and Xboxs to books and DVDs. Hospitals rely on these things to make the time spent there by the patient and families a bit brighter. Some kids may not be able to leave their bed, but they can still play Mario Kart. You can view the map here and look to see if a hospital in your area is listed. They appreciate every little bit even if it’s something as simple as batteries. If you prefer, you can always just make a donation to Child’s Play. Here is a good rundown if you have any questions at all.
-My darlings are on Team USA! Making the team is Drayson Bowman, Mitch Wahl and Tyler Johnson. Story here.
-Congrats Dustin Tokarski and Jared Spurgeon! You have been selected to maybe be selected for Canada’s National Junior. More story.
-Stefan Ulmer makes Team Austria. Go get em, Ulmz. Oh yeah, read on…
The Chiefs games I look forward to most are the weekday games since it’s player magnet night. I know, it’s super dorky. But I haven’t missed a player magnet in three seasons. Seats changes, boyfriends leave, but the player magets….ah I love those. Tonight’s was Dustin Tokarski. So I was like “Sweet! It means he will have a crazy awesome game!” Because the magnet is some good luck charm. Then I freaked out when the starting lineup was announced and he wasn’t in the pipes but Baby Chiefie James Reid. I am possessive of my goalie. It’s a girl thing, you wouldn’t understand.
Oh Portland Winterhawks. Where do I begin with you darlings…well thanks for coming out. You tried, you really did. While Tokarski Saves, Reid Saves doesn’t entirely have the same ring to it. You got two past him on fewer shots than the Chiefs. But man, watch those penalties ya heard? The Chiefs are just killing it on the power play. And Levkooooo Koperrrrr is on a wicked hot scoring streak. Something like ten games now. Who else scored? Uhm Drayson Bowman studly as always. Rawr. Baby Chiefie David Conrad had a goal as well. Mitch Wahl smacked it in with and assist from Bows. Oh and Blake Gal. My new Chief Crush Object. Scoring another empty netter Chalupa goal. Chalupa-2.
Oh and look what we have here. Dani sent me this. From Canucks.com we have former Chief Michael Grabner working it out.
Hey Everett? Yeah, I still don’t like you. You play reallllly shysty. With the constant diving, agitation and slashing. Mmmhmm, I am onto you. I am fairly certain half of those hits and injuries were greatly exaggerated. You took you acting lessons from Kyle Beach huh? Well, he is no Dame Helen Mirren. She is a Dame right? Kyle Beach couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag. Britney Spears’ performance in Crossroads is Oscar worthy compared to your thespian leanings. Once again look where the theatrics got you. Losing Chalupa (it’s the new number 5) to 1.
I will admit I expected the worst when the very first shot was some fluke goal by a Silvertip. Something like 28 seconds in and I was hissing, spitting and kicking the seat in front of me. I am a lady but sometimes I have anger issues at hockey. After a frustrating first I took my anger out on a pretzel and an overpriced bottle of Sprite. They were all out of Haterade for me to sip on.
Oh but the second period, this was where it all started to look up for that pessimist space that occupies my chest cavity. The goals started coming in with Dustin Donaghy, Ryan Letts and David Conrad. Then I could say what I realllly love to say, “Suck it, Silvertips.” Drayson Bowman had a power play goal assisted by my pretty pretty Dustin Tokarski in the third. I love it when goalies assist. It should happen more often. Not too often to ruin its special nature. My Chalupa Goal Getter was Mike Betz. Welcome to the Chiefs, Mike. You are doing great.
OHMIBLOGGGGG, you guys! Bows fought Beach! I was pining the loss of Chris Bruton. Because his knockout punch on Beach is my Hockey Christmas. But Bows totally represented. So, I think that means he should get the C.
I picked up a gorgeous canvas print of Tokarski. I love it because you can see The Tick on his mask. After the game the Chiefs were on hand to sign away and as a skating session. So Toka signed it, and I was a sheepish girl mess. I was shaking like some three pound dog freezing. Gahhhh. I hate being a girl. That typically is soooo not my style. I told him I hope he likes Tampa since I had my hand in him getting that gig.
The boys were super sweet, signing away. Mitch Wahl has very fluffy hair that I was oddly tempted to pet. Srsly, when did Seth Compton get so cute? Blake Gal is a southpaw, I don’t think he knew what southpaw meant when I said it. I told Justin McCrae to get off the crutches. I refrained from offering feeding him cookies. I didn’t get a chance to ask Donaghy if that was his natural blond hair color. I nearly squealed with delight watching the Chiefs help all the kiddos skating. They were helping the tots skate as they were signing autographs.
Dear Spokane Chiefs,
It’s really great you have new site, but the layout is cluttered and it’s too flashy. The sponsors distract from potential information. Plus it’s sized all wonky.
So can you fix it?
Kthxbai,
Wrap
PS, get a captain already. Pick Bowman. Hell pick Tokarski. (more…)
Ahhhhh, Chiefs. How I adore you. I really really do. I mean, I would let you take me out behind the middle school and get me pregnant. And if that isn’t love, then I have no idea what is.
The Chiefs were dazzling tonight. It was the return of Drayson Bowman. Ah how I missed you. You just getting better at hockey and better looking every year. I almost can’t handle it. I mean, RAWR the beast you will be when you are 25. All the ladies will be like “oh wassup Bows?” Ohmigahhhhh, I wish I could marry that goal you scored in the second. It was a ridiculously amazing backhander top shelf flick in. Everyone was going on about Carey Price’s save this week. Fuck that noise. I would have liked to see Carey try and stop that Bowman goal.
Ahw, the mini Jim Halpert, Tyler Johnson, scored in the first. I nearly missed it as some effing broads were late to the game and their fluffy, nasty hair extensions blocked my view. Tsk tsk, no finding seats while the puck is in play. Also, it’s not hard to find your seat. Numbered row, then letter. Why is it so goddamned difficult? Mitch Wahl did a schnazzy, tear out of the penalty box “fuck you refs for putting me there” goal. For seriously, I love it. BTW, Everett? Stop playing like assholes. I mean, it was really Kyle Beachian of you. Look where it got you? Racking up penalties and you couldn’t even get through the Chiefs defense.
Jared Cowen, who I am betting will go high come the draft, had a goal in the third assisted by Levkoooo Koperrrrr and Jar Jar Spurgeon. Homeboy has gotten even bigger this season. If that was possible. What does one feed Cowen? Sides of oxen? Can that be ordered from Costco? Does Costco deliver? I have so many burning questions for the billets who pen up Cow Cow.
Oh and my new Chief crush object Blake Gal had the fifth goal of the evening, the Chalupa Goal. Though I just realized now that leaving the arena I never got my coupon for my free chalupa. Whatevs. Taco Time over Taco Bell, every time. I hear in Canada, Taco Bells don’t have fiesta potatoes. Just regular fries. That boggled my mind…
Dustin Tokarski was reliable as always in the pipes and stopping 30 shots on goal. Tonight was his 11th career shut out. I expect at least four more shut outs from him this season. Yeah, I have high standards. But, the suave motherfucker that Dustin is, he will get it done. Though my favorite part of the evening was when Toka skated to the blue line to talk smack on Everett. The way Zack Dailey was trying to start shit with Jared Spurgeon and being an all around dick, I probably would have shot my mouth off as well. Near the end of the 3rd Toka got hit with a 2 minute unsportsmanlike conduct. I just love it when he talks dirty. Me OW.
I am aware my Chiefs coverage is lacking but I always feel odd writing about a game I didn’t see and then I would be summarizing a game summary? Yeah that is useless. However, the other night the Chiefs lost 4-2 to the Kootenay Ice. The two Chiefs posting goals were Blake Gal and Mitch Wahl. The nitty gritty scoring summary is here. What is most curious, is what did Dustin Tokarski do to rack up a ten minute major at the end of the third? So if anyone can answer that, it would be fantasticccccc.
Chiefs take on the Portland Winterhawks tonight. Normally I would snort and laugh. But if we lose to them tonight, I am getting out a noose or something. It might be early for suicide dramatics I know. But, but….it’s Portland!
The home opener will be the 27th against the Ams. The Memorial Cup banner will be dropped. HAH! Dropped…
The team is sans five veterans due to training camps and Ondrej Roman is still hung up in the Czech Republic awaiting the signing of his IIHF papers.
Also I am going to try something new, I will be Twittering the games I am at. I know some of you darlings are interested in Chiefs scores. It will be faster than you sitting at a computer and refreshing the WHL site, which at times can lag terribly on score updates. Plus, the WHL scoreboard lacks my flair and wittiness. You can choose to follow via email or text message. So you can get gems like “3-1 Chiefs, bottom of 2nd. Ryan Letts just killed a guy. Tokarski still saves.” Get in on my twittering here. That’s what she said.
There was hockey. And I was thrilled. It was a bit odd to watch. Because who do I cheer for? It is Chief versus Chief. I ended up going Team White since Toka was in the pipes for them. The boys looked amazing and the noobz were totally hustling trying to earn a slot on the team. The final score ended up being 3-1 Team White. Posting goals for White; Dustin Donaghy, Justin Falk and Seth Compton. And the lone Team Red goal was a beauty by Tyler Johnson.
If you have any tips, phone numbers, mayhjah issues, Mustache Monday submissions or don't like the flavor of Haterade; wraparoundcurl@gmail.com
On the docket;
Toronto: Spring Break. The TO could use a dame of my caliber.
hockey boyfriend power rankings.
1. Dustin Tokarski, you will probably always occupy the number one slot. Nice job ninjaing the starting goalie slot for the Admirals.. 2 Kyle Beach, we are just like John Bender and Clare Standish in the Breakfast Club and I sorta love you. 3. Milan Lucic, babe I think I am suffering from Lucic Lust... 4. Sean Avery, you scored two goals on the Leafs and all I could do was giggle.
