overloaded;

This was a quite the stuffed day for me and hockey. I was in one of the legendary and classic Melt Your Face Off liveblogs for the skills competition. It came out of nowhere but I think I am crushing on Evgeni Malkin. As I told the Puck Huffers regarding Malkin: What is this feeling in my swimsuit areas? I was told to get used to it. So yes there were things? Also I have a thing for Jay Bouwmeester I think. He looks like he’d do my math homework for me. Like I could somehow lure him in by talking Warcraft then BAM! Homeboy is standard deviation’ing it all up for me. What a kitten. Tim Thomas looks like he works at the Home Depot making him oddly appealing. Like he is a radass goalie, then he’d caulk my tile and find studs to hang shit up. Dreamy right?

CAREY PRICE: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLZ CALL ME?

Also on my CALL ME! list are; Shea Weber, Vinny Lecav (even if that is a COSBY SWEATAHHHHH!) and Zach Parise.

Other things occured outside of my superficial musings. Andrew Cogliano skated ridiculously fast. Alexander Ovechkin won the breakaway naturally. Malkin snagged the accurate mothafucka of the evening. Zdeno Chara scared people by smacking a puck at 105 miles an hour. Terrifying. Absolutely.

For the Strapping Young Gents Game it was the Frosh vs the Sophs. Blah blah. LUKE SCHENN SCORED A GOAL.

Luke Schenn is relentless.

Photo evidence of the goal here.

Then tonight the Chiefs took on the Tri City Americans for one of the things I hate most in this world and that is CheerStix/Buck Night. Seriously, they should hand out Vicodin at the door or something. The game was allegedly sold out. But those with corporate season tickets usually can’t bother to show up. Whatever. Carry on.

I was actually dreading this game since I know that Tri has been on quite the rampage. Pessimist here, remember that. The game was actually quite brilliant. Ondrej Roman continues his streak of being Mr Productive. And I must say it’s quite hot. Ondrej should have been back a while ago, who knows how many billions of points he would have had by now. Dustin Tokarski continues to wear the girlie mask which might need renamed since he wins with it. Brady Calla/Brody Jenner scored on the penalty kill in the first and I wondered if I was high. The second period was chock-full of dramz. There were fights. Like a ton of them within the first few seconds of the period.

TXT from Schultzie; what the fuck?!

TXT reply from WAC;I have noooooooo clue. I don’t know who your fighters are. But ours are sooooooo not Cowen and Koper.

That’s right Levkooooo Koperrrr fought. And so did Jared Cowen. He does not like it when people get close to Tokarski. It was quite strange. Since Cowen is someone I have always viewed as some enormous puppy. Then he was like RAWR SMASH. It was interesting. Oh Drayson Bowman fought twice in the game. What is going on with that boy? Holy penalties….Anyways the Chiefs won. The boys looked very sharp and crisp. Oops I accidentally typed Crips the first time. They are so gangsta. Anyways the passing was charming and the goals were pretty. There were alleged Chalupas.

OMG CUTE NEWS ITEM NUMBER ONE: Drew Owsley is like the most adorable little goalie evarrrrrr. I wanted to feed him cookies and Capri Suns. He is a baby, shorter than Tokarski. I just wanted to hug him and carry him around with me. Also in OMG CUTE NEWS ITEM NUMBER TWO: the Hockey Armor tiny tot picked to stand with the starting line was tres adorbs. Some little five year old. I assume Toka was cooing “skate over here kiddo….” He was better than I would be on skates. Then it looked like he was skating for the Ams bench and Tyler Johnson was like “thisaway.” OMG CUTE NEWS ITEM NUMBER THREE: During some play Tokarski like jumped in the air like he was clicking his heels or something. I for sure I laughed out loud.

canucks schmnucks.

Ok, so this is cross posted at Melt Your Face Off. Enjoy! Also a huge thanks to Weed Against Speed for editing through my chaotic and headache inducing writing nature.

Another excruciatingly long summer is over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing/dumb/not self-respecting enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job.

Today, previewing the Vancouver Canucks, one of the Alpha Soldiers in the MYFO Army, the one and only Wrap Around Curl.

I know what you are thinking “what the hell is Wrap doing writing about the Canucks? I mean, didn’t she proclaim that the Canucks were no longer hers and she was shopping around for a new team? Was it all just a publicity stunt?”

they say everything is bigger in texas…

OMG, y’all! Sean Avery has a new home. He is leaving the New York Rangers for….

The Dallas Stars.

I have a feeling Reasonable Doubt will have a field day with this.
Weed Against Speed already had fun with this.

OVIE TIME!

Reasonable Doubt was kind enough to slide me this link today. I give you, the Alexander Ovechkin clothing line!

Naturally, I want some of the stuff in the collection. No joke. It’s baller status, y’all!

CORRECTION: MNHLE sent the link to RD who then forwarded it to me acting like he found it.

things of note;

Alright kids, the MYFO boys and associates will be liveblogging game 904989841 tonight. I think it’s game 6 actually. At this juncture it feels like game 904989841. Will Sidney Christ deliver a victory for his team? Or will the powerful draw of Kristen Bell lead the way to a W for Osgood and company? Who fucking knows. But what else have you got going on on a Wednesday night? Link here.

If you haven’t already, join the Melt Your Face(book) Off group on Facebook. Be social with us. It won’t kill you…

If you haven’t already (addtionally); buy some shirts from my Zazzle shop. The Tokarski Saves shirts are hottttt. As is the Bowman: The Greater One shirts. Pick some up for the fam.

Numbers are in.

Draft rankings are out and I displeased.

My pretty, pretty Toka is at number 9. Granted being in the top ten is glorious. But I figured he would have been higher. Just a teensy bit. Like top five?

Oh and some Chiefs were ranked for skating.

MYFO liveblog NOW.

tres hott.

Kevin Smith; man after my heart. I have often thought Kevin to be the male version of me. We share similar interests. We are both Star Wars dorks, consider cursing to be a sport, love hooded sweatshirts and hockey. Also, Kevin tends to work with people I love. His films utilize a stellar group of individuals. So naturally, seeing this picture this morning made me giddy;

If you squint, you see SETH ROGEN in some sexy glasses. I think we all know how I feel about hockey players in glasses And the fellow on the left is Jeff Anderson better known as Randall Graves from Clerks. Better known as, My Hero.

Another reason to love Kevin; he does not hate Sean Avery. He only hates Avery because he does not play for the Devils. And as for how I feel about Avery, I’d sell my soul to share a milk shake with that motherfucker.

I do not know the context for the boys in jerseys, but I don’t care.
All I know is I will be seeing Zack and Miri Make a Porno the day it comes out.

Kick saves and a beaut to Puck Daddy for the story and image.

Liveblog tomorrow kiddos, with MYFO.

Pimping it for the fellas;

So I have been informed that the boys of Melt Your Face Off are doing another liveblog on Tuesday. I highly suggestion getting in on that action. Because last time it was epically hilarious. A myriad of topics were covered, mostly not relating to the game. Assless chaps, MyFreeImplants.com, inflatable bedding, new songs to Rick Roll, Willa Ford’s real name, and the origins of the Doctor Captains are just a sampling of what we covered last time. And we had a lot of time because that was the Stars/Sharks 4 OT nightmare hockey game of gloom and doom from hell. Or something. Was there really even a game? Probably, maybe.

Get in on it. All the cool kids are.

On the topic of the Chiefs. I get a text from a friend saying he saw Jared Cowen and Jace Coyle at the mall. I asked him if he told them nice job or if dudes even do that. He said no. However, “…If it had been Ulmer, we would have invited him to have dinner with us & have a slumber party.”

I would too. Stefan Ulmer’s accent is adorable.

Cock Knockers, Incorporated.

So, Loser Domi and I pretty much freaked out with awesomeness when we found out that Sean Avery would be interning at Vogue this summer. As we talked about it, the project pretty much wrote itself.

What Sean Avery Working At Vogue Will Probably Look Like. According to me and Domi.

I like to think the dialouge is fairly accurate.

What? You are a n00b who doesn’t know the origins of “cock knocker”? Go, be enlightened.

sad panda.

Whoa, so it was first reported that Sean Avery was taken to the hospital, suffering cardiac arrest.

Now, it is being reported it was really a lacerated spleen.

So, Hockey Jesus sprains his ankle and he whines and complains and has Malkin mop everything up for him. Avery played last night with an internal injury. Where is your god, now?

Reasonable Doubt over at MYFO is keeping better tabs on this than I am

shilling for the boys

The fine gentlemen of Melt Your Face Off threw some merchandise together. Actually, it’s not thrown together. It well thought out, crazy awesome merch. That I want to own alllll of. So check it out. Then tell them I sent you.

MYFO MERCH

A detour from regularly scheduled programming.

A bunch of love goes out to the big kids over at Melt Your Face Off for them assisting me with my epic tale of trying to get a Vancouver Canucks jersey. Reasonable Doubt (for a Reasonable Price) did a lot of legwork for me. Placing several angry phone calls and firing off emails where needed.

Read the story here Which now has a happy ending! To apologize Shop NHL sent (overnight!) me a 30 dollar shirt. Then the jersey I ordered from a different company arrived today. So I promptly canceled my still pending Shop NHL order.

God bless us, everyone and whatnot.