hey, it’s me calling

Hey uhm, Portland? Sorry if that was kinda awkward. Listen, I think we should try and be friends? This whole fooling around thing and being fuck buddies was kinda awesome. We need some time apart. We had a good time tonight, right? I mean I scored on you with Bowman from Bruton and Roman. Then Koper from Johnson and Falk. And it was awesome. And then in the second, Rutherford, Bowman and McCrae all got between your pipes. Roman snuck in the third. Portland, it was a lot of fun. You’re a great chick. But I just need some me time now. Thanks for being so understanding. And doing my chemistry lab. Talk to you soon!

-Chiefs

Download this: Where Are My Panties by Andre 3000

Knocked Up 2.

Last home (regular season) game for the Chiefs. Then we have some post season action.

We take on Portland tonight. Which I think we will be taking advantage of them, Zach Morris style.  Or perhaps Tracy Jordan style. Taking them behind the middle school and getting them pregnant. Hope you bring a rubber, Portland!

The strong and domineering type.

Oh tonight was not even fair.

Portland starts their 1-17(!!!!!!!!!) goalie. No, that is not a typo. First, how do you allow a goalie to get that fucking terrible? Second, why are you still keeping him around? I could be a better goalie. Strap some mattresses on me and I am good to go. Anyways. So, within the first minute and some change. Goal. Ten seconds later. Goal. One second after that, Portland goalie pulled.

Really, it was too easy and felt kinda mean. Because Portland is a not so hot team. So it was like, Portland was some cute, meek chick. Then some sex bomb like Clive Owen just stormed in and was like “panties off” and you have to listen. Because he is Clive Owen and he has that deep and commanding voice. Portland was steamrolled.

Posting goals:

Mitch Wahl-2
Jared Spurgeon-1 (and 3 assists!)
Justin McCrae-1
Chris Bruton-1

Army had an easy night in the pipes. Final score 5-1
Judd Blackwater was the player magnet.

The song to sum it all up: Slow Jamz by Kanye West featuring Jamie Foxx

On the docket;

Wednesday: Portland. Don’t think I have anything bad to say about these cats. And it’s player magnet night! That is almost as great as Rex Manning Day.

Friday: Tri Cities. Buck Night. Fucking Colton Yellow Horn. According to his survey on the Ams site, he thinks Brad Pitt looks like him. Hahahaahha. And he loves steak and watching The Hills! I still stand by the fact your name sounds like an STD.

Saturday: Chilliwack. Oddly reminds me of Chilli Willie.