We are nearing hockey.

Alright let’s get down to business. Thank you so much to everyone who posted in my absence. Y’all are amazing and I really appreciate you lending your time and creativity. ILY. In the event you ever need vaycay coverage; call me. I owe you. Thanks to the commenters too. No lamps were broken and you left me some booze! It’s going to be a bit of an information overload, so I’m tucking it under a jump.

Hit it.

the fun and games.

Ok ok so I am a bit lazy with getting things up. But you guyssssss. I made you a wallpaper. Clicky here to download. Stay tuned and I will get more posted.

UPDATED WALLPAPERS;

Baby Pick (click to view and download)

Team Collage.

Tokarski Saves.

NHL Faves;

Our Luke and Savior.

Hand of God. Eric Godard.

Jared Cow Cow gets his column inches.

BKBlades was a darling and sent me this article about the Jareds. It’s nice to see the boyos get some column inches.

“Most of the people that talk with our organization are saying that the injury certainly won’t help his positioning in the draft, but it’s not going to hurt either,” said Sauter. “I think it’s a can’t-miss for any team that takes him and if someone passes him up, I’d love to know how good the player is that they passed him up for.

“He’s just an excellent young man, a very, very talented hockey player and it’s not very often that you get such a talented hard-working guy who is 6’5 and puts in the work and commitment necessary to become a professional. In my mind the hockey people are pretty smart and they’re going to take him early.”

When asked by the Vancouver Province about Cowen’s stock for the upcoming draft, Chiefs general manager Tim Speltz was far more blunt with his response.

“If people are thinking about that,” Speltz said, “they’ll make a mistake. If he drops, it’s not a reflection on him. It’s a reflection on scouting.”

Other bits I found interesting;

“Jared was playing outstanding hockey for us,” Sauter added. “He was carrying big minutes, especially with guys away at WJC camps and other tournaments. He is for us much like Luke Schenn was for Kelowna last season. A big, strong, physical guy with offensive upside who can skate very well.”

I have totally compared Schenners and Cow Cow before and for the most part people were like “yeah whatever Wrap.” Peeps, sometimes I know things.

“And the exposure to professional scouts doesn’t hurt either, although most NHL teams have completed the majority of their homework prior to the CHL’s championship week. But perhaps surprisingly, Cowen admits he has not spoken with too many NHL teams.

“Honestly, I haven’t spoken with too many at all,” he said. “When we were in Everett, Washington, the Carolina Hurricanes took six of us out to dinner.”

Heyyyyyyyy a guessing game! Which six were taken out to a nice seafood dinner and not called the next day by the Canes? Was it six Chiefs? Were there some Tips present as well? How much food did Cowen eat? Did they bring him an oxen as an appetizer with some warm artichoke dip?

Read the full article here.

Today Cowen was the topic of conversation on Pension Plan Puppets and the upcoming draft. There is apprehension at the idea of taking a gamble on Cow Cow. You know, I’d be willing to wager on Jared. He is a wonderful player and who is just pained because he can’t play right now. He is something of a beast whom I believe has only fought once. He doesn’t need to drop gloves. He is just always on the move and stalks his prey, like every game it’s his shark week. Things that are terrifying; the idea of Cowen returning to the W with a vegeance. He can absolutely demolish other players. Considering this is only his first injury I’d still take a chance on him, Abba style.

But, for my own part, it was Greek to me

Beware the Ides of March. Mostly I’d beware of Darcy Tucker. He is a generally deranged looking individual and I love him for it. It’s his birthday. And I saw him score a goal last night in the Avs game. I IM’d Jammies and said “I need the most insane picture possible of Darcy Tucker.” He quickly produced some images to fill my request;

go for the eyes, duh.

I WILL MURDER YOU SO HARD.

A dish fit for the gods. Ok so according to the paper 11 Chiefs got together for a card game Thursday (shouldn’t they have been resting up for the game?) and ordered pizza and Chinese food. They apparently became ill with severe food poisoning. Little Jar Jar Spurgeon and Levko (the Lionhearted) Koper were fighting it Friday and barfing in between periods. The paper used a more delicate wording than my choice. Now there are five players not illin’, and I am curious which ones were good boyos and staying home on a Thursday night getting their homework done and writing about symbolism in A Tale of Two Cities and not out playing cards. I hope they were playing with Pokemon cards or Magic the Gathering cards. Silly boys. Get better.

Not that I loved Caesar less, but that I loved Rome more. The return of Sean Avery warms my cold little heart. I love the eff out of him. Say what you will but his being back with the Rangers, he is reppin’ it. Today he notched two power play goals. Excellent. Sean still needs to call me so he can take me shopping. Hell, I’d be happy with him buying me some of the Alexander McQueen stuff that is at Target. I friggen LOVE Target.

you look good in blue, babycakes.

Et tu, Brute? Listen to the 8 bit hop hop medley. It’s amazing. I love it.

another thrilling episode of the drayson bowman show

Alright so this post is late because well, I tend to write late as it is. And after the puck action I went to the Onion for usual post game action with The Panel, food goodness and a round of deep fried Oreos and we hashed out the game. The Chiefs were on their best behavior for the most part. Lil’ babeh Drew Owsley was in net for  the Ams. He is just the cutest. I was happy with the Chiefs chemistry on the ice, they seemed to have a better sense of uhhhh whatever…enough boringness. The game was great and Drayson Bowman delivered another performance worthy of cupcakes. Mitch Wahl and Jared Spurgeon were plus 3. Most excellent. I was pleased with Dustin Tokarski netminding, he looked all sorts of crisp and I thinkkkkk he was talking to his equipment. But no hating, it got the job done. Wahl celebrated a goal like Jason Blake. But with even more fistpumps. Bows also scored the prettiest goal evarrrrr. For realz. Lovely. For the fuck of shit, Wahl can you please not fight? You aren’t exactly the best at it. Take some tips from Dustin Donaghy.

Bowman/Roman/Calla=the Productive Line. Ok, they need a snappier name. I will think of something maybe.

wassup baby?

Why yes, I am going to use this picture again…

VIVA LA DONAGHY. Keep the dream alive. Game tomorrow and Sunday. And it pleases me to type this, and I have to do right by my boy Eyebleaf, PLAYOFFS!!!1.

the massacre of st. valentine.

The day of February the 14th is a bleak day for many. Even when with a lovely, there is the sense of doom of the date going bad and perhaps allergic reactions. Chucking all expectations of the day out the window I spent most of it in my pyjamas enjoying various games on Center Ice. Then for the Leafs and Pens I slid on over for my Princess Game Thread duties on Pension Plan Puppets. Once again, I expected doom. Or rather I expected a solid start and then a spectacular meltdown. Or a meltdown and then a spectacular finish. You never know with the Leafs. It’s a tumultuous relationship. A rough start but the Leafs seemed to pull it together. I missed nearly all the third as I had the Chiefs game to attend. I pull out my phone and check the final; 6-2. WHAT? Is this right? I in fact texted someone else to verify this was indeed the score. I had a skip in my step for the Chiefs game, Buck Night/Cheerstix aside.

There were are lot more leggings/pirate boots/hair extensions out that normal. I was confused and remembered this is how some broads dress for the occasion. The amount of hairspray was alarming.

The Chiefs were clicking from the start which is a good thing since they have seemed a bit off lately. Sure they can get the job done but there was a bit of a laziness and cutting corners. Four goals the Chiefs put up in the first. Somehow the Oil Kings snuck one in, but literally no one saw it so I will chalk it up to an accounting error and that it shouldn’t have even counted. The second period the demolition and dismantling of the Oil Kings was swift and surgical. And another four goals were put up. The third period seemed like the boyos were holding back, perhaps not wanting to totally go for the jugular and the Oil Kings snuck in one more goal. However the Chiefs returned with three goals including two by Dustin Donaghy which were assisted by Ryan Letts.

Final damage; 11-2 Chiefs.

Now for the matter of cupcakes. Look at this;

my my that's a lot of action...

Now, the cupcake awards. Clearly there is no one individual as this game was gasp! shock! awe! a team effort. So I am thinking the whole crew is getting cuppycakes. Like each player is getting like 3 dozen cupcakes. I’d do the math, but I think I will be in the kitchen for like the next 5 days or something. God that is a lot of butter…

Pictures to come soon as I am having technical difficulties with the laptop. Again.

Heard said by a Edmonton scratch: DUDE YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE THIS CHICK. JUST WAIT TIL YOU SEE HER. Who was the her? One of the Chiefs girlfriends. She likes her bronzer…

Ryan Letts, Happy Birthday! I hope you liked the deep fried Oreos.

Team posters tomorrowwwwwww.

fashion show! fashion show! fashion show at lunch!

Points to whoever knows where the title is from.

I interrupt your regular progaming with a PSA. JARED SPURGEON THIS COULD BE YOUR LIFE, OK? Actually Jared, it’s not your fault the Islanders drafted you. In fact, I was worried you were going to get passed over the last draft because you are a baby defenseman. A highly effective one. But most teams want monsters. And you are just a meowing little kitten who is capable of occasionally roaring. I am off track. All this shit was a literary device to make fun of ice girls.

orange you glad the Islanders are tanking for Tavares? that was terrible...

Seriously though, when one is wearing orange, it is ideal that is also not one’s skin tone. For some reason as far as the minors go, all I can think of is Superbad and McLovin proclaiming “I have a boner.” Bonus points for the spray on abs…

color cordination fail.

Ok so, we have navy pants trimmed with orange. A pink and white jersey and a powder blue hat. She looks like she is going to a house party in like 1998 with like a Cranberries CD. And then she is going to get drunk and spend the whole party talking about how Dawson and Joey are MFEO. Shit I hope Dawson’s Creek was really on then , or it ruins this whole joke.

just....no.

Like….I don’t even know where to begin. Was this outfit rounded up at the local Wal Mart?And then they remember that it needed a team logo? So they found the smallest one possible to put on on her rack? What would Tim Gunn say about all this? “This is a whole lot of look.” “This worries me.” “Andre, why is it you always get in a tiff when we are at Red Lobster?”

twenties and fifties, please.

You stop it. Wait, she reminds me of someone BIKINI CORY! Also, a ton kisses and cupcakes to whoever finds me the youtube embed of that. BECAUSE I EARNED IT.

UPDATE: Grrreg found it;

you are kidding right?

Please tell me it was Halloween. Please. Or tell me I am high or something. Because I thinkkkkkk I see a chick dressed sorta like Sailor Moon. But not. With a shovel. But like crossed with Daffy Duck.

I bet the goalie asked santa for a menage a trois.

We got another orange one which does not look so hot with green crushed velvet. The one in the red; holy hair extensions….I wonder what can one possibly talk about while scraping ice for like 5 minutes? Like weren’t you talking in the tunnel before? Or did you realize you broke a nail?

standard hooter's girl pose

JESUS! Is having a belly ring a job requirement? The fit on the skirt bothers me. It looks wrinkled or something.  I am surprised the logo isn’t on top of her whomp bombers and not under them. Is there a group discount on tanning? Instead of like dental, they get tanning minutes?

Islanders, if you are going to use Ice Girls can you pleaseeeee class them up a tad. Unless a classy girl is an oxymoron. Also, Islanders call me, because clearly I have TONS of burning questions. Thanksssss.

omg i’m so emo now…

Hey remember how I said I was hearing ugly things about Jared Cowen? Well this is from a Spokane Chiefs press release;

Spokane Chief defenseman Jared Cowen will have reconstructive surgery on his right knee and will miss the remainder of the season. Cowen suffered an MCL sprain and a high grade injury to his ACL after finishing a check in a 6-0 win over the Chilliwack Bruins on Friday, January 30th.

Cowen is expected to have surgery in the next three weeks. Rehab will be up to five months and he will be ready for the 2009-10 season.

The 17-year-old was ranked seventh overall by NHL’s Central Scouting for this summer’s Entry Draft for North American skaters.

Prior to the injury Cowen had never missed a game due to injury having played in 153 of 158 WHL games, including playoffs and Memorial Cup. Cowen missed four games in 2007-08 to play at the 2008 under-17 World Hockey Challenge and one this season while he was away at the Top Prospects game.

The Allan, Saskatchewan native led all WHL rookies last year with a +28 and this year had seven goals, 21 points and a +16 in 48 games.

That shriek you heard in the distance? Yeah that was me. Cow Cow brings such a presence to the team and he is a player you always know when he is on. The Chiefs have been battling long term injuries all season and this is one player I hoped would be healthy. Chiefs, let’s hold it together. Spurgalicious, sorry your babycakes is all hurty.

Spurgalicious definition; the megapost edition

Ok so The Panel and I decided this had to be like the best game. Ever. Of all time. Where do I begin with the utter awesomeness? Ok welllllll I thought Ondrej Roman was going to punch someone. He was getting feisty. I laiiiike it. I laiiiiike it a lot. So many goals scored by the Chiefs and Dustin Tokarski was flawless. Again. 6-0, thanks for coming out Kootenay. The Ice started to show their frustrations in the second when the fights started breaking out. Levko Koper fought again. You know what? Here is your penalty summary;

whoa.

At one point the Ice decided to get all up in Tokarski’s Kool Aid which he never takes kindly to. There was smack talk with the Ice goalie. I was hoping with my heart of hearts for a goalie fight. But he knew better. Instead he popped his jersey and pointed at the scoreboard. I sure do pick the good ones.

Anyways I could probably go on about how the Chiefs were great and fighting the bounciness of the puck in the first and the passing was quite lovely. I mean Tyler Johnson had two goals and Bowman, Donaghy, Spurgeon and Wahl put some points up. But instead, let’s do a picture post.

Wahl and Spurgalicious observe fisticuffs.

"I said your mom is a real classy lady!"

the awesome mask. until I come up with a better name than the girlie mask.

Andddddd Luke Schenn continues to be on my top list of hockey boyfriends. I mean I am a sucker for defenseman and goalies…and fowards….shit. Oh I am off task. Yes, Schenngasms. He just shows undending enthusiasm that reminds me of Scrappy Doo. His “lemme at em”-ness is just charming and endearing. I am quite aware I am not the only one swooning. I think The Vesa is too;

they laiiiike each other. they laiiiike each other a lot. no that joke doesn't get old.

What really sealed the deal was this video clip. YOU GOT SCHENN’D, PENS!

Schenn call me? You can email me too. Or facebook me. Or IM me. Really. I luff you.

Oh shit, I forgot to do cupcakes. Uhm I’d give a bunch to Toka for being studly. And then some for everyone else. Extra for Jared Cow Cow as he is out injured. Get better, kitten! Your other half misses you. I mean, you two are The Jareds.

how thrilling.

Oh there was a game last night? It wasn’t very exciting. Despite the fact the Chiefs were all “MAKE IT RAIN, BISH!” with the SOGs, and still lost. Oh the player magnet was Jared Spurgeon. I think the most exciting thing was the fact Chris Bruton was at the game. Our darling captain from last season.

Here is proof;

Ok so it’s blurry. But the dude in the blue polo is Brutzy and he is signing things for the kiddos.

Next game is the 27th. A good chunk of the lineup missing. Reid will get a cupcake for every puck he stops. Apparently, he needs to be bribed. Also, he needs to work on COVERING THE PUCK. Those bounces were so not cute.

The warm fuzzies.

I love Teddy Bear Toss Night. Because the boys always deliver. Just who was responsible for unleashing the 4,067 plushies? Why it was Mitch Wahl, early in the first. Thanks for coming out, Kootenay. And thanks for getting us Chalupas before the end of the first. Final damage, 6-2 Chiefs.

Dear Brett Bartman,
You have been a bit under the radar but you showed up tonight. And by showing up I mean, thanks for the fight in the first and the two assists on the night.

Cookie for you!
Love,
Wrap

Eye candy after the jump

it’s for the children;

Tonight is the teddy bear toss night, or one of the coolest things that the W does. It’s awesome because throwing things on the ice is fun and it’s for a great cause. Round up a bunch of teddy bears. No really, do it. I took 15 last year. When the first Chiefs goal is scored, start tossing. The bears will then be rounded up and taken to some kiddos this holiday season.

Also for the children; one of my favorite charities is Child’s Play. Created by Tycho and Gabe of Penny Arcade to show gamers can do good. Child’s Play teams up with childrens hospitals across the globe creating wish lists. The lists have everything from DS Lites and Xboxs to books and DVDs. Hospitals rely on these things to make the time spent there by the patient and families a bit brighter. Some kids may not be able to leave their bed, but they can still play Mario Kart. You can view the map here and look to see if a hospital in your area is listed. They appreciate every little bit even if it’s something as simple as batteries. If you prefer, you can always just make a donation to Child’s Play. Here is a good rundown if you have any questions at all.

-My darlings are on Team USA! Making the team is Drayson Bowman, Mitch Wahl and Tyler Johnson. Story here.

-Congrats Dustin Tokarski and Jared Spurgeon! You have been selected to maybe be selected for Canada’s National Junior. More story.

-Stefan Ulmer makes Team Austria. Go get em, Ulmz. Oh yeah, read on…

WHL! WHL!

Ahw my babies are making Team WHL. Just which of my Chiefies will be one the team? Welllll, my darling goalie Dustin Tokarski. And my favorite (and most visually amusing) defensive pairing of Jared Cowen and Jared Spurgen. Or, Jared Cow Cow and Jar Jar Spurgeon. Yes, I am quite aware I have issues.

[Click for original story from SpokaneChiefs.com]

grrrrrness.

3-2 Seattle Thunderbirds.
Profanity ensues.

……

GODDAMMIT. SONOFAFUCKENBITCH. REALLY!? I mean. Likeeeeee. The first period was scoreless. There were slight fisticuffs. Did you know it’s hard for four players to sit in a penalty box? The quarters get a bit cramped. There wasn’t even a decent fight or brawl to merit four of my darlings in the box.

Wahl, Bowman, Donaghy and Conrad. I might have the boys in the wrong order.

Dear Chiefs,
Don’t get lazy in the third period. Phoning it in on a two goal lead isn’t cute. And Toka can’t stop ‘em all. Especially when the ‘birds are totally making an effort. So suck less plz?
Kthxbai,
Wrap

OMG. I think Ondrej Roman is back! They announced he wasn’t dressed. Which I assume means he escaped the Czech Republic. And Jared Spurgeon was a healthy scratch. I have no idea why.

suck it, tips

Ahhhhh, Chiefs. How I adore you. I really really do. I mean, I would let you take me out behind the middle school and get me pregnant. And if that isn’t love, then I have no idea what is.

The Chiefs were dazzling tonight. It was the return of Drayson Bowman. Ah how I missed you. You just getting better at hockey and better looking every year. I almost can’t handle it. I mean, RAWR the beast you will be when you are 25. All the ladies will be like “oh wassup Bows?” Ohmigahhhhh, I wish I could marry that goal you scored in the second. It was a ridiculously amazing backhander top shelf flick in. Everyone was going on about Carey Price’s save this week. Fuck that noise. I would have liked to see Carey try and stop that Bowman goal.

Ahw, the mini Jim Halpert, Tyler Johnson, scored in the first. I nearly missed it as some effing broads were late to the game and their fluffy, nasty hair extensions blocked my view. Tsk tsk, no finding seats while the puck is in play. Also, it’s not hard to find your seat. Numbered row, then letter. Why is it so goddamned difficult? Mitch Wahl did a schnazzy, tear out of the penalty box “fuck you refs for putting me there” goal. For seriously, I love it. BTW, Everett? Stop playing like assholes. I mean, it was really Kyle Beachian of you. Look where it got you? Racking up penalties and you couldn’t even get through the Chiefs defense.

Jared Cowen, who I am betting will go high come the draft, had a goal in the third assisted by Levkoooo Koperrrrr and Jar Jar Spurgeon. Homeboy has gotten even bigger this season. If that was possible. What does one feed Cowen? Sides of oxen? Can that be ordered from Costco? Does Costco deliver? I have so many burning questions for the billets who pen up Cow Cow.

Oh and my new Chief crush object Blake Gal had the fifth goal of the evening, the Chalupa Goal. Though I just realized now that leaving the arena I never got my coupon for my free chalupa. Whatevs. Taco Time over Taco Bell, every time. I hear in Canada, Taco Bells don’t have fiesta potatoes. Just regular fries. That boggled my mind…

Dustin Tokarski was reliable as always in the pipes and stopping 30 shots on goal. Tonight was his 11th career shut out. I expect at least four more shut outs from him this season. Yeah, I have high standards. But, the suave motherfucker that Dustin is, he will get it done. Though my favorite part of the evening was when Toka skated to the blue line to talk smack on Everett. The way Zack Dailey was trying to start shit with Jared Spurgeon and being an all around dick, I probably would have shot my mouth off as well. Near the end of the 3rd Toka got hit with a 2 minute unsportsmanlike conduct. I just love it when he talks dirty. Me OW.

Chiefs 5. Silvertips 0.
Chiefs SOG 50. Silvertips 30.