Keeping Up with the Kardashians Chiefs.

Alright kittens, it’s time for me to cover some actual hockey. Even hockey related to my team. So, let’s put aside the Project Runway and Sean Avery and get down to some Chiefs business. I have held off on updates, now there is a pile. Shall we continue? It’s the Get in the Box link round up…

First order of business, uhm, we don’t have a coach at the moment. Yes, I am aware we upped Bill Peter’s contract back in like, March for three more seasons. And we were all thrilled because of the amazing turnaround the Chiefs have made. While I am glad he will be moving up the coaching ranks. It still is disappointing because we won the Memorial Cup and he said “peace out, ciabattas.” It’s like, you have a string of great dates with some superfox and you are just drunk on all the hardcore making out. Then you call and find out they have a girlfriend after all. Ugh. Men.

Hold it right there…An update. Thanks to Dylan for sending me this story. We have a coach, peeps. Hardy Sauter, who served as assistant coach with Peters. This bodes well, I think…

Also, Jace Coyle has been traded to the Medicine Hat Tigers. Cuts had to be made, he was a decent kid who didn’t get a chance to see a lot of play. In return, we get some Bantam picks. Whatever. At least we didn’t trade for half a Snapple and some Doritos?

BTW, where have all our boys gone? Jared Spurgeon was at Islander camp. Click here for a video of little Jar Jar. It’s a shame his helmet obstructs the hair. Judd Blackwater was invited to the Chicago Blackhawks summer fun. Sadly, the Blackhawks do not believe in letting the public know how their potential baby Blackhawks did. Chris Bruton (El Capitan) snagged an invite to the Calgary Flames camp. Here is a video of Brutzy. He is such a well spoken individual and I miss him already. He is rather handsome now that the playoff beard is gone. As for what he decided, well, he is getting schooled. Brutzy will be going to Acadia University and playing with the Axemen. At camp with Chris was Mitch Wahl, who kept his teeth hidden away during this interview and I never knew his voice was so manly…

In case you didn’t know, they are going big time. Dustin Tokarski is at Camp Canada showing them how one properly holds it down in the pipes. We already know what he has been up to in Ottawa… Drayson Bowman is reppin’ USA at Lake Placid along with Tyler Johnson and Mitch Wahl. Jared Cowen got an A (not of the scarlet variety) at the under 18 Canada camp.

[Jared Cow Cow. Back, left. image via hockeycanada.ca]

They are getting contracts, son! Smokin’ hot David Rutherford signed with an ECHL team, the Charlotte Checkers. He is another Chief I will miss. He is so lovely at agitation, very Avery. There was that time he received a two minute penalty for hair pulling. Oh yes please… Drayson Bowman sorted things out with the Carolina Hurricanes and is close to scoring a slot on their roster. But I have a feeling Bows will enjoy one more season with the Chiefs.

Ugh, is summer over yet? While it’s all hot out, be sure to pick up a Tokarski Saves shirt You would look great rockin’ one at the beach. You can even get it in tank top version, to tan even more of your surface area. Seriously, buy some merch. Funny thing, my job caught on fire. There was an incident at Sonic, not my fault. Anyways not entirely sure when I am working again. Sooooo, help keep a girl stocked on Dr Peppers. Eyebleaf picked up a hoodie. Trust him, he is a goalie. He approves.

that’s the hottness right there.

Drayson Bowman, you were totally brills last night. That power play goal in the first was a beauty (from Trevor Glass and Jared Spurgeon) and Lethbridge so never saw it coming. Also you know what else was brills in the first period? The Hurricanes ever impressive zero shots on goal. That is something to be proud of.

Then in the second, Bowman delivered another beauty passed by Spurgeon and Chris Bruton. Alright, so then Lethbridge finally threw a few shots up. Which were actually pretty shitty SOGs. Also, Tyler Johnson pretty much rules. He pulled off a gorgeous, gorgeous shorthanded unassisted goal. ‘Canes goalie Metsola thought he had Tyler’s number. He was wrong. Also, Metsola is jealous of Tyler’s pretty Jim Halpert hair.

Judd Blackwater continued his reign of awesome with a goal assisted by Stefan Ulmer and Justin Falk in the third. Blackwater has not disappointed in this hot post season action…

Oh and then a ‘Cane scored. Fuck that guy. He got lucky. But nothing to worry about. Final damage of 4-1, Spokane.

Also, the red out was pretty weak last night. No rally towels to be had. Instead, some weaksauce pom poms. Yeah, give a bunch of sugared up tykes some poms to fling around. Excellentttttt ideaaaaa, Chiefs Marketing.

Keep it up Tokarski.

Yesterday happened to be Drayson Bowman’s birthday which turned out nice for him scoring two goals in the first. I was hoping for a Bowman birthday hattie, no dice. Scoring also in the first was Jared Spurgeon. Judd Blackwater scored in the second. Mike Reddington scored in the third. Curtis Kelner and Ryan Letts got into a few fights.

Ryan Letts smashed a Bruins face in the third. Letts may just be the new Miles Stoesz. I wish I snapped a picture of the kid, he lost a tooth and left a bloody mess. Letts was unscathed.

Bruins has one goal and Army had an easy night in the pipes.

At the moment a game is in progress with Seattle. Spokane up 2-0 at the top of the third with  Tokarski goaltending.

The strong and domineering type.

Oh tonight was not even fair.

Portland starts their 1-17(!!!!!!!!!) goalie. No, that is not a typo. First, how do you allow a goalie to get that fucking terrible? Second, why are you still keeping him around? I could be a better goalie. Strap some mattresses on me and I am good to go. Anyways. So, within the first minute and some change. Goal. Ten seconds later. Goal. One second after that, Portland goalie pulled.

Really, it was too easy and felt kinda mean. Because Portland is a not so hot team. So it was like, Portland was some cute, meek chick. Then some sex bomb like Clive Owen just stormed in and was like “panties off” and you have to listen. Because he is Clive Owen and he has that deep and commanding voice. Portland was steamrolled.

Posting goals:

Mitch Wahl-2
Jared Spurgeon-1 (and 3 assists!)
Justin McCrae-1
Chris Bruton-1

Army had an easy night in the pipes. Final score 5-1
Judd Blackwater was the player magnet.

The song to sum it all up: Slow Jamz by Kanye West featuring Jamie Foxx

Nice one, Newbie.

Justin McCrae is going to be awesome with the Chiefs. He took to the ice tonight and was on a mission. It felt like he had been playing with Spokane for a while, and not a debut. To show just how much he wanted us to like him, he decided to score two goals. And have an assist too, I think. I might have to double check that. The first period Dustin Tokarski (his fourth start in a row) didn’t give the Kamloops Blazers any chances of scoring. The second period was mostly held down with a goal or two sliding by. But in the end, Spokane emerged triumphant with two goals from Ondrej Roman, one from David Rutherford and one from Jared Spurgeon.

I’d take my camera into the arena to catch some sweet action, but the security gestappo has been on a fuhr bend lately with the bag searching.

Next game is Saturday against Tri Cities. And it will be freaking Buck Night. I am curious if Tokarski will once more be between the pipes or if it’s will be Army’s chance to hold off the Americans.