Techno Tuesdays!

A friend of mine emailed me that today. It’s friggen epic.

Yeah you are welcome.

leviathan in the pipes.

I have always been fascinated with the way people try to divide their character and the character of others into groups. It’s probably Quentin Tarantino’s fault we think like this. Jay Z versus Snoop Dogg is my generations Pulp Fiction debacle. See, you have the classic Gin n Juice where Snoop rocks a Pens jersey in the vid or the motherfucking jam 99 Problems and as far as I know Jigga Man is not a Rangers fan.

I had to a terrible shift last night, 6pm to 2:30am at Victoria’s Secret. Why I was there at that time and what I was doing is not the point. The point is, these women have their own character set that I have no idea how to interact with. They had a 20 minute conversation on tanning methods. I would know the length of the conversation because I set my watch as I was hanging up the Very Sexy Infinity Edge Push Up with Gel Curve bras. Apparently, there are multiple tanning methods aside from making like human bacon with Crisco/Coppertone slathered on. You can do beds, or spraying, or a combination. I had no words for this conversation as I currently am, and almost always, the color of a sheet of paper.

All these girls looked pretty much the same and looked at me odd for rocking my Tokarski Saves shirt. They had no idea what it meant, even with the goalie graphic on the shirt. A few asked but most didn’t, because I don’t really get along with them and they probably all think I am a lezzebell because I don’t wear heels to work and I don’t dye my hair every two and a half weeks. They were all an entirely different breed. They eagerly talked about summer plans that involved lakes, getting drunk in Mexico. Maybe perhaps all going together with their boyfriends to a baseball game so they could talk to each other and not have to watch the game.

I was struck with how little I have lined up for summer. All I have going is a mental estimate of when training camps kick into gear and the hockey drought ends. Oh, and I also have lined up getting the fuck out of Victoria’s Secret, seeing as I do not jive with those broads. But on a people basis as a whole, there are hockey people and non-hockey people.

The non-hockey type view it like Thomas Hobbes without even realizing it. That hockey players/human nature is nasty and brutish. However, they aren’t realizing that they do not have suffer the potential consequences (death, dismemberment, curbstomping, beatdowns, shiv fights, drunken boxing, etc.) because we came together to form a social contract (second amendment for the win!). It’s our agreement for societal organization (uh yea about that president..), theory of sovereignty (fuck your tea, England!) and the states existence to protect the citizens (enlist today for a Hello Kitty AK-47).

These bitches are free to go get a Venti whatever four dollar coffee (mostly) without fear of some rebels coming by scratching their Lexi and being bludgeoned.

Every hockey game is a struggle to implement and execute a social contract. In a sense it’s a model for a potential democratic state. In terms of the Chiefs, the defensemen establish the contract for the game being played. Trevor Glass and Jared Cowen smack down any divisive forces, laying the groundwork for democracy. Glasser and CowCow will hit hard and fast at the opposition to allow for the wingers to draft legislation. Drayson Bowman and Ondrej Roman work in conjunction with Glasser and CowCow to hopefully create opportunities for the boyo at the center, Tyler Johnson, to score a goal and silence the combative dissenters. The last line of defense is the netminder Dustin Tokarski. He is there to shift the chaos back to order when any puck comes near him, as this is an act by a hostile nation (suicide bomb attempt) and could become an international conflict (oh hey wassup every country who hates us…). If the contract is crafted and executed successfully, victory will take place and will come with an explode (conquest fire) on contact Memorial Cup.

So when I ask you if you are a hockey person or not, what I am really getting at is; are you for or against the troops?

they say everything is bigger in texas…

OMG, y’all! Sean Avery has a new home. He is leaving the New York Rangers for….

The Dallas Stars.

I have a feeling Reasonable Doubt will have a field day with this.
Weed Against Speed already had fun with this.

The Champs;

We pulled it off. We really pulled it off.

The Chiefs brought home the Memorial Cup and posted a perfect 4-0 for the round-robin tournament Kitchener, Ontario defeating the Belleville Bulls, the Gatineau Olympiques and the Kitchener Rangers (twice).

Dustin Tokarski was named the MVP making an astounding 53 saves for this game. I expect his stock to now shoot up come June. Like, top of the list jump. I also expect some other Chiefs to get some much deserved love for the draft and I am thrilled. Someone has Mitch Wahl’s number, right?

I am pretty much dancing on my toes. I have no idea how I am sitting still and writing this out.

I have left out the best part. When they gave Chris Bruton the cup? He dropped it. It broke. The cup popped off the base. It was honestly the funniest thing I have ever seen. The fans in the arena were in shock, and booed. Then I think it was Trevor Glass, swooped in and picked up one of the pieces and was like “Yeah! We won!” and everyone seemed to get over it. They passed around the two parts. And for the team picture, Drayson Bowman is holding the trophy together.

There is already video….

It’s actually kinda adorable. This rag tag group of kids make it all the way and win. They break the coveted trophy. And don’t even fucking care. There was nothing but pure joy to be seen. Ecstatic they some how clawed their was through these teams and bested them all. This fight is longer and harder than the one for Lord Stanley, then it all comes down to a round-robin tournament and one final game.

These kids aren’t millionaires. They go back to being regular kids who just happened to do something amazing. They are playing hockey out of sheer joy and love.

Total wins this season: 70.

The score summary. I could have written about what actually happened in the game. I might later on. For now? I am nothing but proud of these ragamuffins.

One last time; TOKARSKI SAVES.

Download this: We Are the Champions

Oh the long version….

Smacking a 1000.

Oh snapppppp.

Chiefs beat the Olympiques in a game super similar to Sunday’s. It was tight and clean. Dare I say a bit boring at times? Most because it felt so much like a repeat…

The Chiefs record is now 3-0 in this round robin series with the next game, the final, being Sunday.

Alright, so I got bored a made a montage. I am sucky with iMovie. So if you dislike it; fuck right off.

Also, it looks glorious on my laptop before I had to compress the fucker.

Notice, I did not use Journey. I went with Fatboy Slim. I think it really classes up the blurry quality.

best. goalie. ever.

Speaking of my pretty pretty Toka.

His hair is amazing.

And a bit on Tyler Johnson;

isn’t that just the cutest thing ever…

You know, I thought about posting this a few days ago, since Ryan brought it to my attention. I thought, is it right to post someone’s tribute video they made for their boyfriend, who happens to be David Rutherford? It’s a personal video with snapshots of them being all kissy face. It has some song I am sure means something to them. Then I decided, you know what, she put it on YouTube. So I give you; The Tribute Video Made By David Rutherford’s Girlfriend

If that wasn’t to your liking, there is always this tribute video that features Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” (Whoa, dream big!) which was a popular song among the Washington Caps tribute videos.

Personally, I think it’s time to come up with a new song for tribute videos. There are numerous tribute vids on YouTube using that Journey song. The Office, JAM moments being the most obvious. Ok, so I didn’t bother to look up any other videos I just know the song is relatively flogged death. I am not hating on the quality of the song (maybe) but I think it is time to perhaps change it up.

Here is the schedule for the (Mastercard!) Memorial Cup that I copied off the Chiefs site because I am a creature of supreme laziness. Things of note; Sunday also is my birthday. Tokarski, the best present ever would be if you got a shut out.

MEMORIAL CUP SCHEDULE (all times pacific)

Friday, May 16th – Gatineau vs. Kitchener – 4:00
Saturday, May 17th – Belleville vs. Spokane – 1:00
Sunday, May 18th – Kitchener vs. Spokane – 1:30
Monday, May 19th – Belleville vs. Gatineau – 4:00
Tuesday, May 20th – Spokane vs. Gatineau – 4:00
Wednesday, May 21st – Kitchener vs. Belleville – 4:00
Thursday, May 22nd – Tiebreaker (if necessary)
Friday, May 23rd – Semi-Final – 4:00
Saturday, May 24th – Off Day
Sunday, May 25th – Final – 1:30

I am thrilled the Chiefs have made it this far because it has given me that much more to write about. If the Chiefs would have sucked this season, this blog would have came to a halt before the end of March. Things in life I love? Hockey in May.

I suppose if I was desperate to write something I could have like, written about this season of A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila. Bitches be crazy!

Download this: Here I Come by The Roots. This seriously is the motherfucking jam. Someone make a tribute video with this. I’d do it myself, but Alton Brown is talking about how to properly make espresso right now…