that’s what she said.

Gretz by Scott.

Also;

Oh man, it’s time for a game. What Chief liked which book as a tot? Man oh man I hope Dustin Tokarski would be like “oh you know uh…when I was a kid, you know I really liked There’s a Wocket in My Pocket. My dad would read it to me you know, and I really liked Dr Seuss, you know. I love rhyming.” And I would be like OMG TOKA MY FAVE BOOK WHEN I WAS A KIDDO WAS THERE’S A WOCKET IN MY POCKET, SAMESIES!

Kids we got a game tonight.

lulz to be had.

he still rules;

You know, it’s quite obvious from my site just how much I love Dustin Tokarski. He tends to be topic number one around here, for all the right reasons naturally. There is the fact that his stats are outta control! Seriously, y’all. The numbers are fucking hot. Last I heard his saves percentage was still around .944 and his GAA was about 1.38. His performance last night was stellar. The Chiefs did their best to get a solid footing, but the Rangers weren’t going down like that. Toka proved to be his usual, reliable self in the pipes holding off the Rangers while the Chiefs had a slim lead of 2-1 in the second and stopping 36 shots and getting the win for us in the end.

So, obviously, he was first star of game 2 last night Click for interview with Toka and listen to him talk about how much he rules. Just kidding, he is totally sweet and not arrogant at all.

Oh look, another video; That fucking WordPress won’t let me embed. Whores.

During one of the intermissions, one of the Shaw announcers (I hate those fuckers. STACY BOWMAN!? ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?!) asked Tokarski about his nickname Coach game him which happens to be Tic and he said he got the Tick painted on his helmet. I figured coach calls him Tic since he has numerous nervous tics and habits when he plays. He covers a puck and clears it out he turns around and smacks hit stick under the net, left then right. Occasionally smacks his stick on right post then left, which I think happens when he is bored or has a light workload. He constantly is tapping his chestplate to make sure it’s in the right place. And I mean like every 2 seconds. About every minute he chops up the ice in the crease then knocks the ice of skates; left then right. During the anthems, he does some shuffle thing that I honestly can’t even describe.

Tic, obviously.

Jenn was able produce picture of said helmet;

Enlarged version

Enlarged version

So just a recap on why Tokarski rules;
-Tokarski Saves (my shirt is proof).
-His hair is amazing (and is probably better than Tyler Johnson’s).
-He doesn’t try and grow some weak playoff beard (it would hide his pretty pretty face anyways).
-His stats are crazy awesome (no, really they are).
-His father, uncle, grandfather and a few cousins have played goalie (it’s in the blood).
-He is 9th ranked goalie for the upcoming draft (should have been higher).
-He was passed over about seven times then landed with the Chiefs. (Ha! We win!)
-He used to strum his stick like he was playing Guitar Hero (I think coach told him to stop doing that).
-He is only 18 (two more seasons!).
-His sweet last name (it sounds Polish, and Pollacks are cool, since I am one).
-He once was shit talking a goalie from the bench and was ready to fight him. Goalie pussied out and Toka laughed it off (I would have gladly paid the 200 some fine just to watch Tokarski beat a bitch down).

Now, for the Draft; who do I want to pick Toka? Well, obviously a team I don’t hate. And I anywhere from dislike to hate a lot of teams. Let’s address the ones I approve of;

-The Washington Capitals. I can see him fitting in with the Caps. And I love these dudes already. I would pretty much lose my freaking mind if Toka was on the same team as Ovie. I hear they have a goalie opening and Dustin will be good to go in two seasons. Plus, we all know that Dustin already looks good in red. Which brings me to pick 2…

-The Montreal Canadiens. The red Chiefs jerseys look similar to the Habs. I know, they already have a young hotshot goalie. Another product of the WHL, uberhottie Carey Price. But hey, I am sure Price and Tokarski can bond over a round of GTA IV and then go out and kick some ass on the ice. Price has had a few issues with third periods, but I bet Toka can slide in and keep it on lockdown.

-The Carolina Hurricanes. They picked Drayson Bowman and Justin McCrae. Let’s keep the band together, eh? That’s about all I got for that one.

-The Vancouver Canucks. Sure they are going to be doing some shaking up. I think Dustin should be waiting in the wings. Sanford is a fucking terrible backup. Roberto Luongo can teach this padawan Toka a few tricks I think. Also in the ‘Couv’s favor; the Sedins and Alexandre Burrows. Dudes I love.

-The Toronto Maple Leafs. I forgot to include this team yesterday. And Greener was kind enough to point this out to me. I will be honest, my Leafer Knowledge is lacking. The majority of my Leaf information comes from the various blogs. Seriously, Leaf blogs are some of the most legit around. Anyways, since my knowledge is lacking. Do the Maple Leafs need a goalie? Some whippersnapper upstart? I think so. I will allow Toka to wear the blue.

Fingers crossed he doesn’t go to…
-Any team in California. I just can’t like any Cali team, it feels wrong. Bitch, it doesn’t snow in LA!
-The Red Wings. Does this require explanation?
-The Pens. One, they have enough foxiness in the pipes with MAF. Two, I don’t want him on a team with Sid even though Malkin is fucking legit. Three, I don’t want to go to a Pens game to see him play. I hear the ‘burgh is dirtttttty.

best. goalie. ever.

Speaking of my pretty pretty Toka.

His hair is amazing.

And a bit on Tyler Johnson;

briefness;

Game 3 is tomorrow in Lethbridge.
Judd Blackwater was named player of the week.
Dustin Tokarski was named goalie of the week.

Last night’s Dallas/San Jose game went into 4 overtimes. That is just too long. Though the Melt Your Face Off live blog was hysterical.

Download This: I See You Baby by Groove Armada remixed by Fatboy Slim

for serious, the roof is on fire.

Ahhhh. So nice to be home in my arena. With lots of legroom. And not having to wait ten minutes to take a piss.

Fun stuff. The arena was on fire tonight. Not figuratively like “oh the Chiefs are smoking the Ams!” It was on fire, as in the giant scoreboard shorted and caused a fire of unknown size. And roughly eight firefighters were crawling around the rafters. The game was not stopped. I talked to a section leader and I guess they were ready to evacuate the arena. But alas, no. The game barreled on.

Which is good. No momentum was ruined. Ondrej Roman scored in the first period from David Rutherford and Judd Blackwater. This line is amazing, and has been stellar. The playoffs really has been Roman’s Empire. Then in the third period Rutherford scored from Seth Compton and it was glorious.

Dustin Tokarski was his usual golden self. I was actually sorta paying attention to his ticks tonight. That kid must take forever to wash his hands. I don’t care, he gets the job done.

this time, it’s serious.

So just went down last night? Obviously I was hopped up on sugar which does not lend itself to crafting such quality posts you expect to see here (ha!).

So in the first period we have Jared Cowen scoring from Justin McCrae and Judd Blackwater. Dustin Tokarski stopped all shots in the first. But then again, there wasn’t much to stop in the first.

The second period is where is started to get a bit messy. Not by the fault of the Chiefs. The reffing went from a very fair and even first to a terribly biased in favor of the Giants in the second. I think the men in stripes were after David Rutherford or something. Seriously, I didn’t think the refs were going to leave in one piece. People were ready to climb the glass. Then Giants score on a power play. Freaking Bliznak…

But, the Chiefs will not go down like that. Ondrej Roman from Drayson Bowman and Stefan Ulmer. Oh was it a pretty pretty goal. Which makes sense because Roman is a pretty pretty player.

The Giants then did as expected. They pulled their goalie. YES. El Capitan, Chris Bruton smacked in the empty netter from McCrae and Blackwater.

I waved like Miss America and wished the Giants the best.
I think I snapped some pictures last night.

It’s looking like the crew will be traveling to Tri. There will need to be a lot of us. Safety in numbers and such. I will bring my billy club.

As an aside, it’s a legitimate strategy.

be cool;

Chiefs take on ‘Tips tomorrow in Everett. Which for some odd reason has me biting my nails at the moment. I am sure Tokarski will be in the pipes, Rutherford will continue his aggressive skating. Homeboy wants some goalssssss. So in essence, everything should be fine. Whatever  you boys have been doing, keep it up. Just be cool. You got this.

Did I mention David Rutherford dyed his hair black? I can’t say that I like it. He looked foxier with the dark brown with blond.

Yesterday happened to be Drayson Bowman’s birthday which turned out nice for him scoring two goals in the first. I was hoping for a Bowman birthday hattie, no dice. Scoring also in the first was Jared Spurgeon. Judd Blackwater scored in the second. Mike Reddington scored in the third. Curtis Kelner and Ryan Letts got into a few fights.

Ryan Letts smashed a Bruins face in the third. Letts may just be the new Miles Stoesz. I wish I snapped a picture of the kid, he lost a tooth and left a bloody mess. Letts was unscathed.

Bruins has one goal and Army had an easy night in the pipes.

At the moment a game is in progress with Seattle. Spokane up 2-0 at the top of the third with  Tokarski goaltending.

Notice;

Alright, so there is no hockey this week because of the State B jizzmops. Basketball, what a terrible sport. And fuck March Madness. Reasons for me to hate March: the basketball jingoism and discussions of “brackets.”

Quick aside: there are some of my peeps putting together a street hockey gang of sorts this summer. We even have a regulation net [That was stolen off the side of the road in Cheney this one time]! Given the fact I am absolute crap on skates, I am designated manager because I yell a lot. However, if you or anyone you know is down for some semi-hilarious to serious street hockey let me know. We will take info and put you on a list.

Did I mention we beat Kelowna at Kelowna the other night? Tokarski in pipes and Rutherford with 2 goal. Schwing.

Chocolate rain, y’all

Ok, so hang with me. Just a bitttt hungover. Otherwise I would have posted last night. But I didn’t want to embarrass myself the next morning with drunken blogging. I have been there. The typos ain‘t pretty.So last night completely and utterly ruled. A bit of playing the Tri Cities at home problem may have been solved. First, you rain down four goals in the first period. Second, you destroy the spirit of Tri Cities goalie Chet Pickard. Third, continue to allow David Rutherford to be a p-i-m-p.First period saw goals from Seth Compton, David Rutherford, Chris Bruton and Drayson Bowman. Which saw me gloating and screaming at the Ams fans a few rows in front of me.If you wear a Colton Yellow Horn jersey. Expect shit talking. No one likes that guy. Second period no goals from Spokane but two from the Ams. Whatever, I would just point at the scoreboard. Third period one goal from the Ams and two more from Spokane. Another goal for Rutherford and Mitch Wahl scored an empty netter Chalupa getter goal.The ice was pink and the Chiefs had pink stick tape in support of curing breast cancer. Though I think if the Chiefs were serious they would have the boys in pink jerseys and then auction those off. Because it would rule to have a pink jersey. Even though I hate girlie jerseys. If it’s for a good cause, hells yeah I am in. But if they were to auction them off, do not allow billets or parents of the players to bid. It seems tacky and sucks for fans.

The funny part is how much the Ams out shot us, but we were more successful with our shots.

McCrae is out with the flu. Get better, yo. Campbell’s soup and America’s Next Top Model reruns do wonders for your health.

Pictures to come later.

All hail St. Tokarski.

Download this: Chocolate Rain by Tay Zonday Dude, I will never get over this song. Ever.

Head Shaker.

Whoa. That just happened. I figured Army would be in the posts. Then it was messy. It was looking worse than the Saturday fiasco. People were nearly crying in the first period. Five goals went by. Or was it six? There was kicking of seats and screaming at Peters. The second period saw Tokarski in the pipes trying to put a clamp down on Seattle. This is friggen Seattle, try harder. I think the boys are tired or something. They should pull a Lohan and call in exhausted. The game honestly defied all hockey logic. We should have been toast, but managed to battle back some. It was agonizing, but the final damage was 9-7 Seattle.

I need to look at stats because I am not entirely sure where the 7 goals came from. Off the top of my head 2 were from Drayson Bowman.

If I Can’t Be a Champion. Queen vs. 50 Cent [snag it]

Let it Bleed.

Oh the Buck Night Curse. I never thought I would see Tokarski being yanked after 3 goals slid by. I really thought it would never come to that. Something was just amiss with Tokarski. You could see he was mad at himself and was disappointed at the short handers. So Army shows up. He stops some pucks. I was relieved. Tyler Johnson had a goal as did Judd Blackwater. Bouncing back seemed possible.

Then, it all went sour. It was a round of terrible calls, mostly in favor of the Ams. The Chiefs were bleeding out and no band aid was going to fix this mess. Colton Yellow Horn had two goals. Of all the Tri City players to get two goals, it had to be the one with the biggest attitude problem. Yellow Horn, show some spine. You consistently act impolite and fans call you out. You should not yell back at fans and pop your jersey at us. Is the A on your jersey mean Asshole? Some fans were booted without warning for heckling Yellow Horn which is unfortunate and disappointing. Yellow Horn didn’t play the last four minutes because he probably would have been beaten to exta pulpy orange juice.

Levko Koper had a fight. As did Judd Blackwater. I think I am missing another.

From the bench, Tokarski was yelling at Ams goalie Pichard. I was expecting gloves to drop. Army was also exchanging words across the ice for Pichard. It seemed like a 2 vs. 1 goalie fight could go down, but never materialized.

The final damage was 7-2 Ams.

Next game is Monday, the rescheduled game from Friday against Seattle.

Maybe Monday there will be more of an effort and no phoning it in.

I Wish I Could Hate You To Death.

Hey, Chris Bruton. Can we have a heart to heart here? I am a bit worried about you. Are you ok? Did your girlfriend break up with you? Because you are slipping sir. You just came off suspension. And now you are definitely going to be suspended again. I imagine at least 5 games. Granted, Kyle Beach is a certifiable tool. And of all the ‘Tips to take a punch, I am glad it was him. But seriously dude you are slipping in your captainly duties. At this rate, your C is gonna move to other players. It might have to go to McCrae, the new guy everyone loves. I am here if you want to talk.

Love,

Heather

Ok, so the Chiefs lost to the Everett Silvertips 2-1. Drayson Bowman scored pretty early in the first. Then the ‘Tips popped in a goal that was honestly a lucky shot and no fault of Saint Tokarski. The ‘Tips scored again in the second and it was sloppy from there on. Upon the the final buzzer, from what I am told, Mitch Wahl kinda pawed at Kyle Beach for covering the puck. And Bruton, deciding that Wahl wasn’t pawing hard enough and popped one Beach and he went down like Wile E. Coyote. And didn’t get up for a bit. He left the ice in a neckbrace after lying there about 15 minutes. The manager didn’t seem to care one of his best players was down. Also, Jared Cowen did some damage to Everett player Whateverhisfirstname Alexander. In the third, Alexander lost his stick and decided to body block shots from Cowen. Taking roughly five shots to the torso in a minute. He limped off the ice. Chiefs are on the road. I just may post updates on that. Don’t expect anything too magical.

Spokane takes the ice at home next Friday and Saturday.

Same as it ever was.

The puck didn’t drop until 7:45 on Saturday. Which made for a long night. The arena was full/cramped because it was Buck Night. Children ran amok in Heelies and dudes drank more beer because, well, what else were we gonna do?

I think my new rule is always give the puck to Tyler Johnson. That kid can breakaway like mad. It’s some serious Sonic the Hedgehog action. He popped in a gorgeous goal unassisted in the first. And I was excited. I happily ate my dollar hot dog and pounded down curly fries ready for a good night of hockey. And then Seth Compton pops a goal in first as well. I am now slamming down my Coke screaming at Tri Cities and directing my hatred at Colton Yellow Horn, who’s last name sounds like a type of STD. Colton Yellow Horn decided to throw my insults in my face and score a goal. I am not please.

We head to the second and the Americans decide to ruin my day and score another goal tying it all up. I spend the rest of the second and third praying to whoever the hockey god is to not let this go to a shoot out.

Goddamit, we are going to a shoot out. And we lost.

Jace Coyle is on my black list for making a dumb move and essentially giving an assist to Tri Cities. I hope he went home and cried that night.

The game was evenly matched. So I should have seen this coming. Tokarski continues to hold it down and I have no complaints.

Buck Night is a curse. I think it’s a guaranteed loss. I wanna see some facts and figures. Someone have that on my desk by lunch on Monday.

Next game is Wednesday. I honestly can’t remember who we are playing.