uhmmm uhhhh.

Caption contest, make it hilariously inappropriate.

Major props go out to Schultz for taking some amazing pictures of my Chiefs.
Yes I am aware I haven’t written an actual post lately. I am working on it.

chicka, chicka yeah.

WOOOOOO. Suck on that, Ams! You taste that? You like that, Tri? That is the taste of defeattttttt. Mmmmm, so delicious. Choke on it.

More concise post to follow when the WHL site isn’t down.
Also, my BOY. Dustin Tokarski is the muthafuckin’ MVP, yo!

A song for the occasion;
Download this: If I Can’t Be a Champion. Queen vs. 50 Cent

ahem,

Alright, so let’s get down to it. It all could have been stitched up last night. Except it wasn’t. Another overtime loss.

Judd Blackwater scored a beauty in the first period assisted by Mitch Wahl and Jared Cowen. The second a goal from an Am. LAME. But there was plenty of chance and enough time for the Chiefs to score, but it just wasn’t happening.

Third period. More of the same fucking shit. Tied up and going into overtime. Then an Am, RED-dick to be precise, smacked in the game winner. And I about clawed the eyes out of the dick Ams fan in front of me. Sweetie, 1985 called, they want their frosted hair back.

I swear it was those motherfucking rally towels the arena handed out before the game (which were handy wiping cotton candy stickiness off). In theory, a rally towel was not needed because the series was at 3-2. But I am convinced those unholy scraps of terry sealed our fate to tie it all up.

So Chiefs, here is what I ask of you tonight. Bust your fucking balls, but do not get sloppy and take penalties. Cowen, you could stand to smarten up a tad. You were all over the place last night. Tokarski, stick just a bittttt closer to your pipes. And can we please check like we fucking mean it? I am sick of this love tap collision shit. Check a bitch! No really, I want to see that y’all mean business.

Can we please just win a fucking trophy? I will settle for the Western Conference. Because let’s face it, regardless who comes out of this is going to be slaughtered by Lethbridge. I’d love for my Chiefs to win it all, because it would coincide nicely with my birthday. But hey, I will take what I can get.

Also, David Rutherford, I know you have some agitator tendencies in you. Let’s crank your Sean Avery status to 11. That would be amazing. You don’t have to wave your hands in front of Pickard. But nudge nudge…

Ondrej Roman, just keep being you. You have been absolutely brilliant this series, I can’t hate. All I can say is, peeps Roman can’t do it alone.

I do not suggest slacking off in this game. Otherwise I will fucking cut you.

Now; a slew of songs for your taking.
Rush by Talib Kweli
Back Like That Remix by Ghostface featuring Mase and Kanye
9 Milli Bros. by Ghostface featuring Wu Tang Clan
Ghetto Superstar/Change Clothes. Jay Z vs. the Fugees
My 1st Song by Jay Z

quel surprise follow up.

Apparently, as soon as I posted about last night, the Chiefs won. Which is pretty much amazing.

Most curious is perusing the box scores is the fact that the Ams were outshooting us like whoa. But in the first Judd Blackwater scored in the first from Chris Bruton and Ondrej Roman. Oh but then an Am scored. Ugh. Second period, oh look another Am scored. Ain’t nothing but a g thang since Drayson Bowman scored twice in the second (Bruton and Mitch Wahl; Stefan Ulmer and Trevor Glass). Oh then it all was tied up in the third. Time to hit overtime, again. Which had me hoping Dustin Tokarski wouldn’t swoop behind the pipes and basically give a goal to the Ams.

And he didn’t. The game winner came from the stick of Blackwater set up Roman and Justin Falk.

Download this: Mo Money Mo Problems by Puffy Daddy featuring Mase

I am getting ready to watch the Rangers/Pens game and apparently Sid the Kid decides when to allow the Pens fans to do a White Out. What in the fuck? This kid is the head cheerleader of the spirit squad? Does he tell the other cheerleaders when to decorate the football team’s lockers and who gets to ride in the stretch Hummer to prom? Also, this kid should never talk to the media, ever. People say David Beckham should be seen and not heard. I’d have to say the same about Sid. Except I do not find the Cros attractive at all.

Mr Avery, I hope you get up in Sid’s face/grill/kool aid, etc. Also, Avery if you could score a couple of goals, that would be great. I am in need of some points for my fantasy hockey team.

Regardless of team, can players please stop fucking blaming the game on the condition of the ice? It’s called being adaptable. Try it sometime.

quel surprise.

So for the third time in the series the Chiefs are tied with the Ams in a second overtime. I hope this does not go into five overtime periods with the losing goalie stopping 98 shots.

There will be one of my jumbled rundowns of the game tomorrow. I will write it while watching the Rangers game in the morning.

Red Army.

Well it’s about time.

Finally the Chiefs organization has realized the power of red. They just sent out an email asking fans on Monday to wear red, to “Red Out” the arena.

I honestly can’t believe it took this long. Given how successful it is for the Calgary Flames;

They have a Red (fucking) Mile. I would know. I happen to be in contact with a huge Flame fan.

The Caps had their Rock the Red campaign.

For the love of god, wear red on Monday. Please? Go to like Target or Wal Mart. Buy a red shirt. That’s like four bucks. Then get a Sharpie. You probably already own like 56 of them. And write something on your shirt. What to write? How about…
Tokarski Saves.
You Got Falk’d Up.
I Heart Bowman.
Holy Roman Empire.
I Hate Colton Yellow Horn.

The possibilities are endless.

knuckle cracker.

This is going to be long. Well, maybe. But for sure profanity laced.

What a shitty fucking night for hockey. My darling Caps lose. Ovie is going to have some time on his hands to practice his Segway skills. And play Xbox. The Flames lost. Fucking Sharks. It doesn’t even snow in San Jose.

Then, the Chiefs were all over the place. Tokarski let two Ams goals back to back. I was actually cursing loudly. It makes me feel better when I curse. Though I was not the only one seating kicking and sailor spitting. Surprise surprise, we go to overtime again. 2-2. Fucking Yellow Horn had a goal. Seriously, I wish I could hate him to death. The second period was riddled with penalties. Pretty much if you were in a Spokane sweater, you were getting tossed in the box.

Then the overtime. Where do I start with that? Tokarski goes behind the net to clear out the puck. And we all saw it coming. An Am swoops in and bam. Goal scored. Toka just fell forward. I think he was crying. We all were misty. Dammit Dustin, stop doing that. Generally you are good at guessing when you can go behind the net and ship the puck. But I think you need a refresher. Nothing needs to be said to Toka. He knows what he did and all those fucking cliches and shit. There are no speeches needed.

Series tied at 2-2. I should pull a Canadien and light some cop cars on fire.

Also, some fucking cum dumpster decided he did not like Jessica’s cowbell and proceeded to call her names and tell her to go eat some food and calm down. I don’t have enough insults for this guy. Really. It was a cherry on a fantastic evening of hockey.

for serious, the roof is on fire.

Ahhhh. So nice to be home in my arena. With lots of legroom. And not having to wait ten minutes to take a piss.

Fun stuff. The arena was on fire tonight. Not figuratively like “oh the Chiefs are smoking the Ams!” It was on fire, as in the giant scoreboard shorted and caused a fire of unknown size. And roughly eight firefighters were crawling around the rafters. The game was not stopped. I talked to a section leader and I guess they were ready to evacuate the arena. But alas, no. The game barreled on.

Which is good. No momentum was ruined. Ondrej Roman scored in the first period from David Rutherford and Judd Blackwater. This line is amazing, and has been stellar. The playoffs really has been Roman’s Empire. Then in the third period Rutherford scored from Seth Compton and it was glorious.

Dustin Tokarski was his usual golden self. I was actually sorta paying attention to his ticks tonight. That kid must take forever to wash his hands. I don’t care, he gets the job done.

bang for the buck.

Alright, what is there to be said about last night’s game? Oh, that it was nearly the same game as Friday. And the winning goal did not occur until the second overtime period. Except it was the Ams and not the Chiefs. I won’t lie I was getting a bit tired in the break before the second overtime. I recall whining, “I am missing the Rock of Love reunion.”

It was a nice and neat game. For the most part all the Ams fans were all nice and my non-existent billy club was not needed. Though the music at the game? Oh god was it awful. It was like every band I have ever hated. Played the entire time. Oh and the Cotton Eyed Joe. Boys and men everywhere tore off their shirts. Twirled them over head. My eyes burned. I felt a little vomm coming on.

I will never support the shirt off twirling it overhead unless I am around men of David Beckham caliber. If Clive Owen or Gerard Butler wanted to do that, I’d be like “well shit, ok.” But you, dollface? Put your fucking shirt back on.

I really hope the next games do not go into two overtime periods. Because I am a girl who does not handle stress well.

Now for some pictures of my pretty, pretty boys.

Ulmer.

I see you baby, shakin’ that ass.

Your goaltender.

Mr Blackwater.

El Capitan.

I somehow find this song fitting. Don’t hate! You totally loved it back in the day, yo.
Download This: Faith covered by Limp Bizkit

The next chapter;

Heading down to Tri Cities tomorrow for Game 2. I hear there will be signs. I did not partake in crafting them. But I hear they are classy. And just for kicks; download this.

Download: Rock the Casbah by The Clash
Hah! It’s not hip hop. I thought I should switch it all up.

In other news. I acquired a fabulous Team Russia jersey and I think I will get Ovie’s name on the back, in Russian. Oh and the C. It’s baller status.

Really? like totally?

Ok so the Chiefs game is on Comcast but I can’t watch it because I don’t get Comcast. And the boyfriend is with a wicked cold and I am not going over to his house to watch it. So I pull up the scores on the WHL site. I think I am being punk’d. The game is tied at 0-0 in the third? For serious?

Thank you, Tokarski. But serious, Roman-Rutherford? Make something happen.

Alright, after TWO overtime periods the Chiefs win. Nice!
Just who was it? ROMAN! From Judd Blackwater.

So whenever I say Ondrej Roman’s name. I say it like Santino from Project Runway imitating Tim Gunn. Which is like this;

you won the cup last year? cute.

Go back to the ‘Couv!

We pulled it off. And now is the round I dread the most; Tri Cities.
I honestly I am too hopped up on a cherry Coke and cotton candy to write this post. I might have to do it in the morning.

Instead, I will leave you with this. The greatest song in the history of man.

Kids, get your cowbells ready. We are going to Tri.

On the docket;

Wednesday: Portland. Don’t think I have anything bad to say about these cats. And it’s player magnet night! That is almost as great as Rex Manning Day.

Friday: Tri Cities. Buck Night. Fucking Colton Yellow Horn. According to his survey on the Ams site, he thinks Brad Pitt looks like him. Hahahaahha. And he loves steak and watching The Hills! I still stand by the fact your name sounds like an STD.

Saturday: Chilliwack. Oddly reminds me of Chilli Willie.

Same as it ever was.

The puck didn’t drop until 7:45 on Saturday. Which made for a long night. The arena was full/cramped because it was Buck Night. Children ran amok in Heelies and dudes drank more beer because, well, what else were we gonna do?

I think my new rule is always give the puck to Tyler Johnson. That kid can breakaway like mad. It’s some serious Sonic the Hedgehog action. He popped in a gorgeous goal unassisted in the first. And I was excited. I happily ate my dollar hot dog and pounded down curly fries ready for a good night of hockey. And then Seth Compton pops a goal in first as well. I am now slamming down my Coke screaming at Tri Cities and directing my hatred at Colton Yellow Horn, who’s last name sounds like a type of STD. Colton Yellow Horn decided to throw my insults in my face and score a goal. I am not please.

We head to the second and the Americans decide to ruin my day and score another goal tying it all up. I spend the rest of the second and third praying to whoever the hockey god is to not let this go to a shoot out.

Goddamit, we are going to a shoot out. And we lost.

Jace Coyle is on my black list for making a dumb move and essentially giving an assist to Tri Cities. I hope he went home and cried that night.

The game was evenly matched. So I should have seen this coming. Tokarski continues to hold it down and I have no complaints.

Buck Night is a curse. I think it’s a guaranteed loss. I wanna see some facts and figures. Someone have that on my desk by lunch on Monday.

Next game is Wednesday. I honestly can’t remember who we are playing.

Updates.

Chiefs lose Chris Langkow for 19 year old forward Justin McCrae from the Saskatoon Blades. Can’t say I am terribly upset about that. What I am happy is Dustin Tokarski still Saves. The game against Moose Jaw was a good bout of hockey that ended in a shoot out and proved Sir Tokarski’s superiority between the pipes with a final score of 5-4. And Dustin even had an assist that game. Spokane pulled it out despite some terrible calls by the refs. One such called inspired a neighboring season ticketer to scream “You should call Spokane Pump because they fix things that SUCK.” It’s was probably funnier if you were there.

Tokarski alsoheld off Tri Cities earning him another shut out for the season, his fifth. I’d post more details about that game. but well, I wasn’t there.