Spokane Chiefs Finally Join 2009; ORLY?

So the Spokane Chiefs have decided maybe perhaps it is time to I dunno, run like an almost real hockey organization and utilize social media. It’s a shame they didn’t start back in oh, 2007 when I wrote them a letter and told them to get with it. This is the year they finally do it.

An Open Letter From WAC.

Dear NHL,

I swear to god if you try to pull these shenanigans, I will burn the building down. And then some.  You and I have the long and sordid relationship. With my constant protests against pink jerseys, things with sparkle and all around fail wrapped in awfulness. The vintage/throwback merch is overpriced, but I suppose the thought is there. The Alyssa Milano products make me seethe and rage with their glitter and ridiculousness. The MLB made the exceptionally terrible decision that in order to reach more female fans, partnering with Victoria’s Secret was a good idea. No, I am not joking. The photo tour;

This shirt is $32.50. It has hearts, a puppy, says PINK and possesses reflective properties. It has things that seven year old girls love. If only they could have gotten Lisa Frank to design this stuff.

This distressed ringer is $32.50. Now, granted I have just been getting back into baseball. The return of Ken Griffey Jr to Seattle did that to me. But I am pretty effing certain there is no player with the last name PINK on the Mets line up. Unless this is like a Reservoir Dogs sorta thing. And I am pretty effing certain there is no number 86. I think the intended style is to look like a ringer shirt you stole from your boyfriend. Last I checked dudes haven’t owned ringer shirts since like, 1997. Let alone 3/4 sleeved ones with hearts.

This hoodie is $54.50. Once again PRETTY EFFING CERTAIN there is no player named Pink wearing number 86 that plays for the Phillies. Also, this hoodie will look fantastic with chemical nacho cheese spilled on it. I just know it will complete the ensemble.

This is $44.50. I get the idea of being comfortable at a baseball game. But honey! Sweatpants? Have some class. It is unknown whether or not the pants say PINK across the ass as some of the Victoria’s Secret items do, but I’d say never rule it out.  And apparently Pink Hearts Red Sox. I’d like to talk to Pink the popstar and confirm this whether this is a true statement. Not pictured is the Yankees and White Sox merch. But you can see the horror yourself here.

NHL, the problem with this merchandise is that its insulting. Do we want some girly stuff? Yeah. But for the most part it’s the same shirt that the dudes can buy. We just want it in a better to accomodate our shape. But hearts and puppies are not what we want. And why is a full sweatsuit required for a baseball game? For the most part you sit there, slowly roasting in the sun while eating a melted snow cone. NHL, provided you do not enter a similar partnetship or attempt to duplicate this hot mess of fashion; you and I are totally kosher.

Love and kisses,

WAC

the stanley cupcakes

Ok so I talked about making it happen. I decided to make a Stanley Cup replica for the Puck Daddy No Foil Contest. And I wanted to use cupcakes. I knew this was going to be hard to make happen. I wasn’t even entirely sure how I was going to build it. I just made it up as I went along. Here is the process;

om nom nom

I baked a bit more than 100 of these suckers. I stopped counting after a bit. The nice thing about mini cupcakes is they cook wicked fast. But its a bit time consuming to fill the lil’ thingers. I used a recipe from scratch because that’s how I roll. The cake part turned out really well not too dense or too light. At this point I still was sort deciding how to build the base. Then I had a vision;

heyyyy that could work...

My mother finished up a bottle of R&R, it’s her favorite. I duct taped the bottle to a glass plate. To stick the cupcakes to the bottle I just used some powdered sugar and a bit of water and stirred it until it was stiff. SERIOUSLY STICKIEST SUBSTANCE EVER.

quality material.

This is where I started to doubt the structural integrity of my creation. Also my mother did not appreciate me making a mess in the kitchen at ten o clock at night. I told her I’d try to make a quieter ruckus. Seriously though, that powder sugar glue is pro. It’d suck if like…someone got powdered sugar on their car, and then a sprinkler went off…

let it whip, whip it baby...

I made the frosting from scratch. Paste frosting is a lot of work to make but it’s crazy delish. I love this stand mixer. It’s amazing. You can let it work while you drink or whatever. The frosting is a light light light blue grey. Because to make silver I needed use fondant which SUCKSSSS and tastes VILEEEEE. And edible silver is so expensive.

omg it didn't collapse!

I had to let the cupcakes set overnight. Also I had to figure out how to make a topper bit. Off to Walmart I went. I bought one of those half sphere things that grandmas buy and shove silk flowers in they bought at Michaels. I jammed it on top of the bottle and frosted away. Now I know I will be critiqued on my execution of replication. But if I do say so, I did fucking amazing. I did my best to pipe details but it’s hot so the frosting got a tad melty. But come onnnnn. You know that is Lord Stanley. Eh eh? I will probably eat it. Except the foam part. Duh.

SUCK ON THAT ACE OF CAKES. I AM A ONE WOMAN PASTRY EXTRAORDINAIRE.

Also this is wonderfully amazing and hilarious. I want to make a mega mix of all the other appropriate songs like Back Dat Ass Up, Put Your Back Into It, I See You Baby (Shakin That Ass), Baby Got Back, etc. True story when that song was popular a few dudes actually called me that. I even thanked them.

oh heyyyy mr. goalie

I totally love that if I forget some news item about the Chiefs, you amazing commenters will tell me what’s up. Such as this article about Dustin Tokarski’s amazingness. That is seriously what the article is about. Toka’s been busy training and visiting his former high school to give speeches. Precious! I hope there is a video so we can all coo. And count the “you knows…” Look! He suited up for the occasion;

was this taken on a cellphone?

It’s always strange to see him not in goalie gear. Like my brain can’t comprehend it. It’s a bit like Clark Kent/Superman. OMFG, how amazing would it be if he wore glasses? Man I love a dude in glasses. It’s all about the naughty professor scenario from all the years of my watching Buffy. Giles in the stacks with his tweed and his books, pouring over texts, furrowing his brow and drinking tea. Mmmm nothing like a thinking man. Oh where was I;

DUSTIN PLZ COME BACK WE ALL MISS YOU. AND YOU LOOK AMAZING IN YOUR SUIT.THANK YOU FOR NOT CUTTING YOUR HAIR TOO SHORT.CAN I BUY YOU A MILKSHAKE?

That needed caps because he is far away and I wanted him to hear me. Guhhhhh is it hockey time yet? Is it September? Instead I’ll waste the time away by deciding who I like better; Chris Pine or Zachary Quinto.

want.

off season insanity.

This lack of hockey is killing me. Well I know there are the playoffs(!!!!1) for Lord Stanley to be had. The Memorial Cup was awarded sans any breakage. The Calder Cup is still to be settled. But it has dawned on me just how much my socialization involves hockey. Meeting up with the Panel we pined for our Chiefs. We wondered if Drayson Bowman’s duties as a Black Ace with the Carolina Hurricanes was being EStaal’s bagboy. Or so we hoped. We tried to figure out what the Chiefs will do about the overager situation and took time to make fun of Kyle Beach.

What have I done without hockey to attend and suck up all my time? I am fairly certain I might have developed an addiction to eBay. My recent purchases were some hugeeee gold bamboo earrings. I have a really rad vintage Wendel Clark shirt on the way. I am bound and determined to win a B Makowski bag, specifically the white Prague Messenger bag for a steal. For the life of me I can’t win a My Little Pony for a decent price. It’s for a project. Don’t ask.  Oh and I have spent a lot of time playing Farm Town on facebook which I think is like being addicted to Oregon Trail or something.

I have taken to wearing all my hockey shirts. Which is enough for about two and a half weeks worth of attire. I discovered the most comfortable wardrobe combo ever is leggings and a hockey jersey. Even in the summer, I approve. I even wore my Tokarski Tampa jersey and started crunching numbers in my head for going to Vancouver when the Lightning do their summer practice there. I miss my boo. That and I totally miss being in a rink, hearing skates on ice and the comforting hum of a Zamboni. Wait, the Chiefs don’t even have a real fucking Zamboni. It’s an Olympia Ice machine. PSHAW.

In theory there is hockey on Versus to watch. But I had to turn the sound off for my own health and safety. Though part of me wishes all along I was liveblogging the shit the announcers have said. Because it is that unreal. Instead I turn the sound off, listen to Girls Aloud and just guess what happened. So far I have stopped my ears from bleeding by 100 percent.

In addition to watching the games I have taken to consuming Hint of Lime Tostitos. FACT: one serving size of HoL Tostitos is six chips. That’s the mst hilarious jooke of my life. I think an adequate and real serving size of them is roughly 30-50 percent of the bag. Also, why is it at the grocery store, the salsa they put by the chips the most expensive salsa of my entire life. Like, 5.50 for a jar of salsa? Is this real life? I can buy a gallon bucket of DELICIOUS and AMAZING mango salsa at Costco for about 3.75. Roughly. I don’t know. I am not a Costco member. But I do know their churros are like the best around. And off the top of my head, Costco is the only place where I can buy churros.

I spent one day watching all of season one of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I hoped I have some greater thing to say about it. But all I have for the moment is, “I need the rest of the series on DVD.” and “Did we really dress like that in the 90s? Hilarious.” I watched probably every teen movie I own. Specifically Can’t Hardly Wait. I maintain it is the most important film in the last 15 years because EVERYONE EVER was in it, or at least people I like and care about. And if not, you can go Kevin Bacon style and connect anyone to it. No really, I am going to draw a map. Did you know like half of the Six Feet Under cast was in Can’t Hardly Wait? Isn’t that a bit insane? Jason Segel was in it too and he was also amazing in I Love You, Man. Btw, I am not even joking about drawing that map.

I loaded up my Netflix Instant Watch queue with a bunch of rad indie films and some documentaries. And because I am a huge dork I am going through my DVR and watching every epi of season two of Chuck and making a list of all the pop culture references to see how it parallels with The OC since Josh Schwartz is responsible for both of the shows. Also, The OC (which has a two hour block every day on SoapNet!) really did get better, sorta, after Marissa was killed off. And my BFF made the point that really Seth Cohen is Ryan Atwood’s hetero life partner. I’d have to agree. Except we both disagree on Taylor Townsend. She is just too insane to even be cute. And he finds her charming. Probably because the actress posed in Maxim.

But I still have hockey on the mind, of course. The Draft in Montreal is approaching. I am crazy excited to be hitting that up. Puck Daddy has a contest to build a non foil Stanley Cup replica. And if you know anything about me, you know I am going to attempt that with cupcakes. I may or may not have purchased supplies to make it happen. There might be drawings with various marker colors planning out what would be the most structurally sound composition. There is a chance there have been Googlings to determine the adhesive properties of buttercream frosting. Lori of HFSS has a contest. Enter it. There is a prize!

I think this is painfully long enough. That’s what she said.

Oh and watch Sex Decoys: Love Stings on the Fox Reality Chanel. It’s amazing. I learned about it from watching The Soup. Joel McHale knows what I love.

So is Glee.

cheer up, buttercup.

I am aware my Chiefs coverage is lacking but I always feel odd writing about a game I didn’t see and then I would be summarizing a game summary? Yeah that is useless. However, the other night the Chiefs lost 4-2 to the Kootenay Ice. The two Chiefs posting goals were Blake Gal and Mitch Wahl. The nitty gritty scoring summary is here. What is most curious, is what did Dustin Tokarski do to rack up a ten minute major at the end of the third? So if anyone can answer that, it would be fantasticccccc.

Chiefs take on the Portland Winterhawks tonight. Normally I would snort and laugh. But if we lose to them tonight, I am getting out a noose or something. It might be early for suicide dramatics I know. But, but….it’s Portland!

The home opener will be the 27th against the Ams. The Memorial Cup banner will be dropped. HAH! Dropped…

The team is sans five veterans due to training camps and Ondrej Roman is still hung up in the Czech Republic awaiting the signing of his IIHF papers.

Also I am going to try something new, I will be Twittering the games I am at. I know some of you darlings are interested in Chiefs scores. It will be faster than you sitting at a computer and refreshing the WHL site, which at times can lag terribly on score updates. Plus, the WHL scoreboard lacks my flair and wittiness. You can choose to follow via email or text message. So you can get gems like “3-1 Chiefs, bottom of 2nd. Ryan Letts just killed a guy. Tokarski still saves.” Get in on my twittering here. That’s what she said.

battery burner.

I am jonesing. Is it hockey time yet? All this preseason action teasing; not leaving me satisfied. What’s a girl to do? The Olympics are over (mens swimming brought to you by the Hitachi Magic Wand) and baseball doesn’t thrill like it once did (ugh, ex boyfriends). Instead I am reduced to watching hockey videos and trying not to climb the walls. Oh how I dream of goalies stretching for maximum agility. I long for the rapturous sounds of a defensemen slamming opponents into the the glass. Mmm, the forwards pounding it home…

Pull my hair?
Yeah that is what I am talking about. Screen grabs of interviews with facial expressions that say oooooohhhhh soooooo much. More sweet sweet action after the jump. Take your time…

back with a vengence.

Alright kittens, I survived PAX. Not like it’s hard since it entails stealing freebies from merch booths and continue my reign of killin’ em with my mad Tetris skills. Thank you so much to the guest posts, you guys did an awesome job and I will get some tshirts sent your way soon.

Sooooo, how about those Chiefs? They are not doing so hot in the preseason action. And I don’t want to talk about it.

baby Chiefs scrimmage; red vs. blue edition

Today I took in some more hot Chiefs action. It was Team Sawyer (Red) against Team Klemm (Blue). I will once again transcribe my scribbled notes and nonsensical musings. And tell you about a delightful run in I had today as well.

the strapping young fellas.

Wow this is being posted late. Because I was out galavanting. And just got back from a midnight showing of Death Race. You guys, it is so epic and full of win it’s not even funny. It’s aces. So I dropped in and watched the boys do their thing. I even took notes. I was prepared. If my handwriting weren’t so bloody awful I would have scanned my notes (because they are funny that way) instead I will just type it all here

for my girlies;

The hockey is close. I can nearly taste it. It’s thrilling. The boys will be back soon for practice and then the red and white scrimmage. I will have to inspect them. Interrogate them over what they did on summer vaycay. See who got more studly.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians Chiefs.

Alright kittens, it’s time for me to cover some actual hockey. Even hockey related to my team. So, let’s put aside the Project Runway and Sean Avery and get down to some Chiefs business. I have held off on updates, now there is a pile. Shall we continue? It’s the Get in the Box link round up…

First order of business, uhm, we don’t have a coach at the moment. Yes, I am aware we upped Bill Peter’s contract back in like, March for three more seasons. And we were all thrilled because of the amazing turnaround the Chiefs have made. While I am glad he will be moving up the coaching ranks. It still is disappointing because we won the Memorial Cup and he said “peace out, ciabattas.” It’s like, you have a string of great dates with some superfox and you are just drunk on all the hardcore making out. Then you call and find out they have a girlfriend after all. Ugh. Men.

Hold it right there…An update. Thanks to Dylan for sending me this story. We have a coach, peeps. Hardy Sauter, who served as assistant coach with Peters. This bodes well, I think…

Also, Jace Coyle has been traded to the Medicine Hat Tigers. Cuts had to be made, he was a decent kid who didn’t get a chance to see a lot of play. In return, we get some Bantam picks. Whatever. At least we didn’t trade for half a Snapple and some Doritos?

BTW, where have all our boys gone? Jared Spurgeon was at Islander camp. Click here for a video of little Jar Jar. It’s a shame his helmet obstructs the hair. Judd Blackwater was invited to the Chicago Blackhawks summer fun. Sadly, the Blackhawks do not believe in letting the public know how their potential baby Blackhawks did. Chris Bruton (El Capitan) snagged an invite to the Calgary Flames camp. Here is a video of Brutzy. He is such a well spoken individual and I miss him already. He is rather handsome now that the playoff beard is gone. As for what he decided, well, he is getting schooled. Brutzy will be going to Acadia University and playing with the Axemen. At camp with Chris was Mitch Wahl, who kept his teeth hidden away during this interview and I never knew his voice was so manly…

In case you didn’t know, they are going big time. Dustin Tokarski is at Camp Canada showing them how one properly holds it down in the pipes. We already know what he has been up to in Ottawa… Drayson Bowman is reppin’ USA at Lake Placid along with Tyler Johnson and Mitch Wahl. Jared Cowen got an A (not of the scarlet variety) at the under 18 Canada camp.

[Jared Cow Cow. Back, left. image via hockeycanada.ca]

They are getting contracts, son! Smokin’ hot David Rutherford signed with an ECHL team, the Charlotte Checkers. He is another Chief I will miss. He is so lovely at agitation, very Avery. There was that time he received a two minute penalty for hair pulling. Oh yes please… Drayson Bowman sorted things out with the Carolina Hurricanes and is close to scoring a slot on their roster. But I have a feeling Bows will enjoy one more season with the Chiefs.

Ugh, is summer over yet? While it’s all hot out, be sure to pick up a Tokarski Saves shirt You would look great rockin’ one at the beach. You can even get it in tank top version, to tan even more of your surface area. Seriously, buy some merch. Funny thing, my job caught on fire. There was an incident at Sonic, not my fault. Anyways not entirely sure when I am working again. Sooooo, help keep a girl stocked on Dr Peppers. Eyebleaf picked up a hoodie. Trust him, he is a goalie. He approves.