breaking up the girl;

I lost the Canucks in the break up.

I am saying nothing profound when I state, “break ups suck.” Of course they do. It’s why so many people are still in relationships they aren’t happy in. No one wants to be the one who pulls the trigger. There is more glamour in being a victim in a break up.

So, I am the one with blood on my hands. I was a bit crazed. I had the bleach out and everything and I was shrieking, “out damned spot.” In the cleaning I rounded up all of his items, tossed into a box and got rid of them as soon as possible. There were tearful 3 am phone calls and sleepless nights avoided by staying up watching television. I was too emo to function.

There was something I forgot to toss in. The Chiefs season tickets.


I called him when I knew I would get his voicemail. ”
I thought I was going to vomit. He called back quickly and I did what girls do to hide the fact they are crying; chirping about inane utter fucking shit. Weather, global warming, anything. Then actually cry once they are off the phone. I have no idea where we learn this, we just know this.

Then the conversation that should have not been face to face;

HIM: “I just don’t want there to be any awkwardness…”
ME: “Right, I totally agree…”
HIM: “And, I mean, I don’t want you to be there when I am bringing girlfriends to games.”

All bets were off. I was ready to drop gloves and perhaps fillet him afterward. I wanted to smash his precious flat screen TV, and I didn’t even care that it was his roommates. I felt compelled to snap his hockey stick. Cut the laces out of the skates that I bought for him.

But as a classy woman, all I said through gritted teeth was, “Ok, I will move my seat.”

I will be at Chiefs games next season, eyes on my pretty pretty goalie in a seat yet to be determined, by myself. But I will be there. Because, I don’t fuck around. I feel I should point out, he only went to Chiefs games because I was going. They were mine, before they were his. I have lost enough in this breakup. He can have the Canucks. But I refuse to let him have the Chiefs.

The Canucks were always his team. I liked them and all, but I was never totally committed to them. they never felt like mine. I was always the girlfriend that liked them by proxy. I mean, the Sedins are pretty cool and it would be seven minutes of heaven in a closet with Alexandre Burrows.

Fuck it. I don’t want them anymore. It’s probably a good time for me to jump ship since I have no clue what the hell they are doing next season. Locking up Sanford? Are you shitting me? Really? Sanford? Canucks, do you hate your fans? Do you like to torment us as much as possible? Can I sue you for driving me to have, what will probably be, full blown alcoholism by November? Are you the latest tool of Gary Bettman? Is he going to shut you down and move you to fucking Hawaii? Are you going to be renamed the Oahu Pineapples or some shit?

You want the seats? Take them. I want the Luongo jersey back.

Markus Naslund wasn’t the only one who had a bitter breakup this summer.

your team here

Start making your cases, boyos. Homegirl needs to know who to watch on Center Ice next season.

“it’s drag and I know it’s hard…”

EDIT: If you slogged through all that, please do me a favor and help Q-girl pick a new goalie boyfriend. AND THEN; vote in mine and “dave schultz” Hockey Hottie Dreamy Team Contest. You can vote here and then here on my page. I love promoting my friends.

277 thoughts on “breaking up the girl;

  1. HOLY MF. I just wrote the same thing about Montreal and I almost posted it yesterday (I found that uniform and got distracted). I’ll send it to you.

  2. Can I sue you for driving me to have, what will probably be, full blown alcoholism by November?

    I’d just like to point out that since I am 1) A student at one of (allegedly) the top party schools in North America and 2) a Leafs fan and 3) a sociology student, I’m pretty much as close as you can come to being a fully trained alcoholic. With luck, by this time next year I’ll even have a diploma for it.

  3. The seat thievery was pure and utter asshattery on his part. I would have kept my seats and fanagled a deal with some friends to share seat # 2.
    I am sorry but no amount of Luke Schenns should make you pick up and move into leafs-nation. The leafs and I are like civilized ex’s who get along for the sake of the kids…and also because they, along with the Sens, are what’s on TV. CBC, like the children, shall keep the leafs and I eternally bound to one another.

    I have no suggestions, but I will point out that it is terribly cold down here in hell, and the Devils could use more ladies to keep them warm. The Devils are not a kindly sort, but they are reliable and have established their identity. They are not into woo, they will not spend thier money on lavish gifts. As I write this Lou is out wandering around the old CAA collecting pennies off the ground to help pay for a future with Zach Parise. Their lack of dolls and dollars is the only reason I can think of for it to cost $50.00 for a vintage style ladies NJ devils t-shirt from store.

  4. Oh, be nice, the Devils treat their fans as well as any other team in the league. They spared no expense on The Rock, and they have Zach Parise, who I’m pretty sure even I think is dreamy.

  5. By the way, we also have Doc and Chico. Doc is the friendliest master of the American language you will ever meet. Chico is Chico, he eats and he loves Marty. They are both awesome.

  6. I didn’t believe she was being mean seriously, I just use “oh, be nice” facetiously. I don’t actually expect anyone to be nice, which in this case, means Q-girl is awesome.

  7. Done and done. Also, if you write Lou Lamoriello (hand write, not type), he has this weird old-school ethic where he’ll almost certainly write you back.

  8. He took your Chiefs tickets?!!?! What a doucherocket. And I think you should give the Canucks one more chance…Burr would want you to. But I am a little bit biased. Heh.

    I think the Bruins are kind of foxy as an eastern team. The Sabres are cute little buttons too.

  9. @ Steve; that is kinda amazing. I will keep it in mind.

    @ Alix; Sadly, yes. Both the tickets are in his name. So I am out of luck. I am sad because I adored the people we sat with. Their grandson was awesome. I would bring fruit snacks to games for him. We had made a cowbell for him too.

    I will probably still latch onto the Canucks. Dani would love me to be a Sabre sister.

  10. In the Devils world, lavish gifts = $10,000,000 dollar forwards.
    I lubs me some Debils. I would give them all zurburts on their bellies. Marty’s belly would be the best for zurburts.
    Now I will have to write to Lou. Maybe he will include a penny in his return post.

  11. Lou still thinks pennies can get you a seat down the 3rd-base line at Fenway, so good luck.

  12. @eyebleaf: You and your other Leafies to round up the cash and buy me a jersey (pick a good player to go on the back). Then y’all can call me your own.

    I will say I find Vesa to be tres adorable.

  13. “Hey, our players are so complacent in their mediocre money-making and living in Toronto, that they don’t want to be traded! Ever! Even if it means hurting the team!”

    Good luck, sir.

  14. “Hey, we have a really cool Tragically Hip song about one of our players. Yeah, he died in like the 60’s but whatever… we asked them to do a sequel about Tomas Kaberle but they’re busy… I’m sure they’ll do it.”

  15. I’ve got two older model Blues jerseys in my closet. One is current alternate captain, defensive bedrock and general badass Barret Jackman. The other is former pest Tyson Nash (I was young, foolish and a sucker for people who got opponents off their game).

  16. @ Turd: I always thought Barret Jackman was just a badass name. The type you can only make a living playing hockey with.

  17. Meh, I’m 19 and I blog about hockey. You sure man’s the word your gonna’ go with?

  18. hmm, dollface reminds me of that Futurama episode where the gay professional beach bully roughs up Fry.

    Still thinking “man”?

  19. apology accepted about Barilko. that goal he scored was HUGE. another reason to adore the leafs: barilko scores a most famous goal, he dies in the summer, and the leafs don’t win another cup until the year his body is found. that’s history, baby!

    and, heather, becoming a fan of the maple leafs means you’ll be part of the biggest celebration north america has ever seen once we win the cup. i mean, 47 years, you have to think we’re due in the next 5 or 10 here. and that party will be off the hook. so, as a leafs fan, you already have something to look forward to.

  20. No one… really… no one? Okay, I’ll say it.

    hey, eyebleaf, when you say 5 or 10, you mean decades right?


  21. oh, and i’ll gladly take the “men” label. who am i to argue with the pretty lady whose allegiance i am trying to win over?

  22. Since I’ve just realized this probably isn’t a fair argument, remember 2000 and 2001? I loved those series so much I want to take them out behind the middle school and get them pregnant. Also, first ever playoff hockey live experiences.

    And I say georgeous lady.

  23. well, you’re in luck. the leafs were good for a ton of laughs last season (raycroft, wozniewski)…and now our number one centre might be matt stajan. it doesn’t get much funnier than that.

    oh dear.

  24. @ eyebleaf: You’re right, that’s like hiring a PI to follow a girl around before a date.

    Or whatever.

  25. “You’re right, that’s like hiring a PI to follow a girl around before a date.”

    whoa…that is EXACTLY what i was thinking…….

  26. Hey man, let’s stop fighting and use our collective powers for good.

    I submit that she should become a New Maple Devils fan.

  27. So anyway, I think the Devils should be your club because they flat-out don’t bullshit. Lou’s the old man with a plan.

  28. So I am late to the party (SOML) anyways, I have go to vote for the Bruins, cause they’re young and scrappy, and gosh darn it we’ve got the best radio team in the country. (and besides, when the fan rebellion takes down Jeremy Jacobs, we need somewhere to send him, and tightwad owners seem to have a problem with Washington state)

  29. hold out…become a leafs fan only if they can give you Toskala in the jersey they are offering. He needs to come fully equipped with his man purse and 31 Luke Schenn dolls.

    Leafs can’t win but their prospects sure can lift kegs and toss bails of hay. That’ll make for some effective defence.

  30. C’mon, that’s even older than the no trading jokes for the Leafs.

    At least Marty married the sister-in-law.

    But yeah, I think I might have a better physique.

  31. And don’t forget, the sister-in-law thing happened in 2003. Ended up okay for Marty.

  32. cliff fletcher’s an even older man, with brian burke’s plan! i’m telling you, the leafs are just looking great right now.

    and q-girl, i saw highlights of the keg liftage and hay tossage. it left me utterly impressed. the future is bright.

  33. I find it all very strange though considering I am pretty sure I married Brodeur 2 years ago.

  34. Well, Marty and the sister-in-law got married at the Dominican, so you could technically still be the legal partner.

  35. i thought the prospects looked silly pushing along large boy-sized wheels of hay, legs all a-kimbo, arms flailing.

  36. Marty cheated on his wife with his wife’s half-brother’s ex-wife. Afterwards, Melanie would call Marty before games promising to take all her money and telling her about the dates she would go on that night.

    Marty and Genovieve have been living together for 5 years, and I guess Marty was dumb enough to tie the not with her last month.

  37. I am pretty sure that anybody who gets real married and not voodoo married is a sucka…and anybody who gets real married twice – well I just don’t know what to think.

  38. “Marty cheated on his wife with his wife’s half-brother’s ex-wife.”

    you don’t understand how slowly i read that. i then read it out loud.

    no wonder sean avery is all over brodeur in regards to his home life. clearly marty’s making things too easy. but, still, wow.

  39. It was all over the tabloids. It’s the closest thing the Devils have come to putting out a full-page ad in the paper.

  40. The tabloids are surprisingly spry on Page Six.

    The end of the season “team get together” at Scores in Manhattan is fodder for weeks.

  41. You should be a Wild fan. Or a Sabres fan.

    If you’re a Wild fan, though, you can watch them kill the ‘Nucks. >_>;

  42. Any points if I can finagle an It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia reference in here somewhere?

  43. All these Leaf fans don’t really care about you, Heather. I on the other hand, want what’s best for YOU.

    Might I submit that throwing your allegiance behind a Canucks division rival would give you the opportunity to have a cathartic release when said team beats the crap out of “his team” 6 times a year? I dunno, say the Edmonton Oilers? Plus, they’re chock full of young talent. Plenty of options for a young, single girl like yourself.

    I (we) are here for you.

    P.S. – There is nothing redeeming about the Leafs. Unless you prefer to go shopping for your hockey team at The Gap.

  44. All I can say is if you choose the Leafs or the Bruins, your status as “friend of Four Habs Fans” will be in serious jeopardy. Why anyone would actually choose to be a Leafs fan is beyond me. Why don’t you just gouge your eyes out while your at it?

    24 Stanley Cups and hottie goalie Carey Price. What else do you need?

  45. Time for a points round;

    Domi +3 for you and all the Leafers
    EWS +2, I kinda love BOOGAARD
    Q-girl + many points just for you fabulous, unmatched wit.
    Moose +3, ah, to throw it in his face…
    HF29 +2, it doesn’t hurt that the Chiefs jerseys look just like the Habs.
    Moeman +.5 for the Francais
    Mvanderlasser, no points. I need more convincing.

  46. its gotta be the penguins, you are comming off a breakup, they come off a stanley cup loss….. youre made for each other

  47. May I also remind you of a certain blogger who rocked, not one, but TWO posts about ‘Toka’ this post-season. Now, who was that? Oh yeah, an Oiler fan. I didnt see any of these jackals trumpeting your boy! You guys should be ashamed of yourselves for preying on a vulnerable girl. Plus, I’m so statistically outnumbered by Leafs fans I have to appeal to your sense of loyalty.

    So here it is, baby: Any Oiler jersey of your choosing (Gagner? Hemsky? Cogliano?) and I promise monthly ‘Toka’ updates on HSHS…hell, I’ll even get him on the phone and get him in a podcast! Book it!

  48. it’s a damn good thing your pic is not you in an infinity edge push up bra. I think the boys are scoutin’ more for themselves than their team. wha? yuh? no duh!!!

  49. I’ll bestow upon you the title of Eye on the Media’s Official “WHL Guru” if you join up with the Devils Legion. I’ll even do a post about it. Can’t buy press like that. Though I suppose you are if you agree to this.

  50. I have read all of the attempts to bring you to someone else fan house. They are all great attempts. You have just had a horrible breakup. You are hurting, we understand your pain. Marian hurt us too, but it is time to move on, eat some Ben and Jerry’s and get back to work. Here in Pittsburgh we would welcome you not as an outcast from some other team but as a lost sister. We would welcome you with open arms, listen with a kind ear, and tell you that none of this was your fault. It was his fault. He and the Canucks didn’t appreciate your devotion, your dedication, and your love.

    We want your devotion, we want your dedication, and we want your love.

    Sid needs you, Geno needs you, The Flower needs, Staal needs you, and Free Candy needs you.

    They are young and need you, come to the Penguins. We’ll never take you for granted.

  51. i agree with lemme get about tree fiddy. two bitter bitter losses and you know in algebra what two negatives equal? im not saying your break up is a bad thing but you know what i mean. anyway, if you pick the Pens you are picking a perennial winner for at least the next half decade. the leafs never win(um…1967) and the devils are on the decline because there is a new king in the Atlantic and East, plus who wants to watch boring devils trap hockey? do you want to be a fan of the team that ruined hockey in the ’90s plus? as for the oilers? do you really want to get behind the biggest back stabbing gm in hockey who got rid of the second contract and is trying to ruin a CBA that is working wonders for our favorite game? Bolts? give me a break, they are the Penguins two and half years ago when they werent that good…malone, ouellet, roberts, recchi, blah blah they stink. if you want some hollywood hockey team, jump on board the bolts train. I can make an argument against any team in this league but i digress. The Pens have Crosby, Malkin, Staal, Marc Andre, Sykie, Satan, Fedotenko, Cooke, Dupuis, fan fav Mad Max Talbot. We also have prospects up the ass, the baby Pens are contenders for the Calder Cup every year and we just signed Finnish sensation Janne Pesonen!!! What am i forgetting? hmm….oh yeah, our awesome defensive corps. Gonch, Whits, Eaton, Gill, Sydor, Scuds, Orpik, Letang, Goligoski…how many teams can boast that many NHL caliber d-men?!?!? Not to mention Pittsburgh is probably the greatest sports town there is and we support everything, even those horrible Pirates! Because of us fans we saved our team from moving! of course having the greatest hockey player of all time being your owner helped a lot. God bless 66! If its skill, we got it, if its “cute” hockey players you enjoy, we got that too. the team is super young. It’s really a no brainer. Just watch a few Pens games and you will see how exciting these young players are and how they never ever give up. Watch game five of the SCF and even…ugh…game seven. HECK! just watch almost any of their games! I hope you make the right decision, sorry for the long comment.

  52. Just, you know, we might run outta cash at some point, so do you mind paying for dinner at some point?

    Too harsh?

  53. How could you not pick Pittsburgh? Pens fans are the most fun, just check out our fanbase is young and loyal…oh and our team freakin’ rocks! And wouldnt you want to be a part of a team the sells out every game? I should only have to say Sidney Crosby and that should already make your decision. I bet if you listened or watched Mad Max, he himself would make you fall in love with the team. LETS GO PENS!!!

  54. The pens are a veritable buffett of choices. I don’t like sushi but I love my local chinese buffett. They offer sushi, my buddy likes sushi, but I don’t. We are both very happy because they offer so much. Whatever your style the Pens offer it…come on girl, we need you. All the cool kids are doing it!

  55. the pens have geno, sid (who’s not my style either, damn whiney baby), staal and fleury. they’re good to go for years, and just came off that final run. it’s the leafs who need you. it’s real fans, and you know, good looking fans, that the leafs need. we’re down right now. but we’re not down for good. this drought can only continue for so long. like i said, we’re due here, in the next 5 to 10 years. not decades. years. it’s going to happen, and you’re going to want to be on our side when it does.

    i mean, think about it, everybody hates toronto and the maple leafs. why? i’m not sure. they hate what they can’t have…what they can’t be…and that’s the passion and pride of being a leafs fan. of knowing that it’s been more than 40 years without a cup, but that there’s nothing better than being a maple leafs fan and adoring that sweater. i mean, that’s love. that no matter how bad it gets, no matter how many times you get shitted on for cheering for the blue and white, no matter how many years go by without a championship and with the team being run by uber douchebags…you never, ever think about abandoning ship. sundin’s the excample. he was the captain of a ship taking on water, crazy water, but last season he wasn’t going on the lifeboat and going aboard the Carpathia. he was staying on the titanic, and going down with her, and his mates. he even busted out his violin and started playing music with the rest of the band. cuz that was the right thing to do. he wasn’t going to abandon his teammates.

    because he loved those teammates. you want young guys? we got em. i know moose made a strong case for the youthful oilers, but we got our own young guns too. well, they’re not “guns” but you know, they’re alright. decent looking fellas, to boot! steen, antropov, ponikarovsky, stajan (even though i don’t like him, most people do), robbie earl, nikolai kulemin, jiri tlusty (i’ve heard tlusty likes to take a nude pic or too, he’s confident you see)…and we’ve got carlo colaiacovo on the back end, who’s finally going to be healthy all year, and have his breakout season. and anton stralman, who’s going to learn from tomas kaberle, the finest rushing defenseman in the nhl, who when he skates up the ice with the puck, is as smooth and sweet as a symphony playing the dopest classical music you’ve ever heard in your life. and don’t forget luke schenn. kid’s going to be a stud on the blue line for the leafs.

    and in goal we have vesa. you love vesa. i love vesa. we in toronto all love vesa. the little finn who plays so big, who cuts those angles beautifully and has incredibly quick reflexes. who finally proved he can be a #1 goalie in this league, and a damn good one at that. oh, vesa. he’s a dear. so mentally tough.

    it’s everyone’s favourite hobby to diss leafs fans and mock us. but you know, i dig it. i want it. i enjoy it. do it. bring it on. because when the leafs do win the cup, it will be sweet justice, and we’re just waiting for it all to go down. and it will. if the red sox can win the series, the leafs can win the cup.

    me, i’m a beleafer. my license plate reads “EYEBLEAF” because no matter how bad it gets – you know, shitty non-playoff teams, sexual molestation charges against former maple leaf gardens employees (those bastards), press conferences where the president is mouthing cliff fletcher’s speech – we…never…stop…believing. next year could be our year (as long as mats stays). no one thought the flames were going to the final the year they did. no one thought the oilers were going to he final the year they did. well, except moose. he’s a dear. so don’t tell me it can’t happen for the leafs. you never know, and we’re getting better, and we’re youthful. and we’ll be led in battle by our aging captain, who’s job it is now to pass on that torch, and to make sure it shines bright.

    what you’ve got to respect about leaf fans is our dedication. dedication that borders on the crazy. sure, we drink to numb the pain, but push come to shove, you know what you’re getting with leafs fans. and that’s what makes us so damn special. well, that, and a whole lot of other things i could write another essay about.

    but, trust me, you want to be a part of this. when you’re at the bottom, the only place left to go is up. join us.

    go leafs go.

  56. Burr likes to stand in the dressing room naked…so there! HA. And you just know he’s saying “I love wraparoundcurl” in that adorable accent of his.

    Grabby used to be a Chief right? He was apparently blowing people away at development camp. You can be there to cheer on his NHL debut. Plus…I need a drinking buddy, even if it’s a long distance drinking buddy. You’re an alcholic if you do it alone. It’s too bad your ex boy liked the Canucks. Boys ruin everything.

    But I really can’t come close to eyebleaf. That was epic.

  57. Beleaf, I don’t think you’ve felt hatred unless you’ve been a lifelong New Jersey Devils fan. We ruined hockey. For everyone. We caused both lockouts. Even though we lead the league in goals in 2000-01, we’re considered the reason that the game has gone down. Match that up with a few thousand Ranger fans booing your players six times a year, and that’s a pretty hated team.

    The Devils, if nothing else (and we are successful and consistent) are loyal, to their fans and to their players. If you show Lou you’re a loyal soldier, you can last here a lifetime. And it’s not like Lou expects you to be a Hitler youth or anything. Claude Lemieux played in our system. Holik is a quote machine. Marty was a walking-PR nightmare during the divorce years. But as long as you’re loyal to Lou, he’ll show you loyalty back, ten-fold.

    The whole organization is that way. The fans seldom fight with one another, and if anything, can discuss hockey on an intellectual level that is unrivaled throughout the league. As Jerseyans, we are welcome to anyone with a sense of humor. And we like pretty, too. Though I guess scanning a Bon Jovi concert won’t prove that theory.

    Anyway, the team is about winning now and readying it self for the future. Zach Parise already has the makings of a lifelong Devil, as do Paul Martin and Travis Zajac. But above all, we have Marty and a winning tradition perhaps only beaten by Detroit over the past decade and a half.

    And we like to cuddle after wards.

  58. steve, i know it’s not new jersey or their fans’ fault…well, partly the fans’ fault…but when i can walk up the arena the night of a playoff game and score some pretty dope seats and not break the bank…well, what the hell is going on in that city? and i’ve done that in new jersey. not cool.

    and celebrating stanley cup championships in the parking lot of that terrible building, what was it, the prudential center…what the hell’s up with that? that was so weak. that hurt me, to see that. no parade through the golden streets of newark? i know it’s a shithole but, hell, do it in new york if you have to…but when you win the cup, you’ve gotta have a parade. not a parking lot party.

  59. Yeah, just like Anaheim and Carolina did, a parade. Exactly.

    No offense, but you sound really uninformed. The Continental Airlines Arena WAS our old shithole where you could get playoff tickets. But, it was in the middle of nowhere on the Garden State Parkway, and some people just don’t want to drive to the middle of nowhere to see the Hurricanes on a Wednesday night.

    We are doing MUCH better attendance-wise at the Prudential Center, which we moved into in 2007. I’d take our 16,000 over the so-called fans that sell out the Air Canada Center every night.

    It will take time. But it’s simply hard to develop a large-scale fanbase when Northern and Southern New Jersey are already split into Flyers and Rangers fans. Combine that with the fact that we didn’t get really good till the early 90’s and well, now the first generation of purebread Devils fans (didn’t switch over from Flyers/Rags/Isles) are going through college and early employment, where it’s frankly quite hard to purchase season tickets.

    Couple that with the fact that the team doesn’t EVER promote outside it’s fanbase, and the team has been labeled “World’s Most Boring Franchise” for the past 14 years.

    We still have as good a diehard fanbase as any other team, and 12,000 season ticket holders. Now we just have to convince folks that are awesome new arena is safe to go to.

    But at least sound somewhat informed on the subject, man.

  60. So, as a Phoenix fan, I have these demands to give out:

    * We will always have a team of young guys you may look at, talk to, make fun of. Even big names from having very high picks each year.
    * We will have a situation where you can wear skirts and summer attire to games, in December.
    * We will have a wannabe Hollywood atmosphere while maintaining a District 5 sort of play.
    * There’s a lot of fun stuff to do just outside the arena. I mean, the Margarittaville resturaunt is within site of the front door.
    * No matter how horrible a team we put on the ice, the pro team next door is SO much worse.
    * We have the best current collection of former Edmonton Oiler greats than any other franchise!
    * When you attend a game, you can be in a select few that could probably tell us Teemu Selanne once was a member of our franchise. No, seriously, it’s a select few. Most people think the Coyotes were an expansion team.
    * Janet Gretzky can help you get the over/under on each game.
    * You want a jersey? Have them. You want a replica 1980s CCCP jersey? just take off the logos.
    * You really only have to casually go for the Coyotes since most of our other fans do anyways.
    * The major talk of defense in Phoenix is about a large fence on the border.
    * Special teams? More like Special Ed!
    * At least there’s a minor league team in a horrible building for 1/4 the cost you can see.

    Anything else?
    I think there’s a Victoria’s Secret in the shopping area by the arena, you can stab some bitches while on a road trip.

    – Puck

  61. ouch! the good old “uninformed fan” label. lay it on me, steve. i’m a leafs fan, there’s nothing i haven’t heard.

    all i have to say is that no toronto maple leafs playoff game would be full of fans wearing the other teams sweater. rangers fans took over the prudential center this past season in that playoff series, at least that’s what it seemed like on tv. where were all the devils fans?

  62. jersey averaged 15,564 last year…good enough for 23rd in the league, and behind the hotbed of hockey known as atlanta.

    in 2007, jersey averaged 14,176 and in 2006 jersey averaged 14,230…

    that’s what kills me. new jersey runs shit. always competitive. always a cup contender. multiple championships to celebrate in the last 15 years…yet still always near or at the bottom in attendance…

    wrap: leafs leafs leafs!

  63. Years and years of playoff appearences have given us complacent casual fans, and a sports market with 11 other competing teams, including 2 in your own sport. We drew 16-17,000 a night during the mid-to-late 90’s, outdrawing your precious Leafs in 96-97 and 97-98, and every Canadian team aside from Montreal.

    15,664 is pretty good considering the capacity is 17,625. We sold out games during the NFC Championship Game even. Plus bouncing-around ownership during the early 00’s that saw George Steinbrenner have a stake in the club, chances are people are still concerned MacMullen’s moving us to Nashville.

    As for the Rangers fans… well, assholes travel in packs. I’m sure there are quite a few Sens fans at the ACC, Habs fans, and vice versa at their buildings.

    We still beat you in both playoff meetings too. All that matters is what’s going on on the ice.

  64. I pride myself on being a sentimental fella.

    By the way, celebrity fans: Kevin Smith (NJ) > Mike Myers (TOR).


  65. Holy shit, a few of the comments are tl;dr. I read the first sentence and last of your wall of text, eyebleaf.

    I hope this works… if not, fail at me and click the link.

  66. Yes I’m a bit late to this party again (mostly because I work, and at this moment have an impressive case of insomnia) but if you pick the Blues you get past (Kariya) and future (Stempniak, Boyes, Oshie, Berglund) goodness.

    And if you decide to make this more open and shack up with my boys in the East the Bruins, you can attempt to overcome any fears you had of Milan Lucic when he played for the Vancouver Giants. He’s less threatening now.

  67. i sincerely apologize about the length. i’m just all about impassioned pleas. and wrap said she likes orations, so i had to get up behind the podium and deliver.

  68. How about this. You should pick the Pens precisely because we don’t need more fans. We sell out every game (hear that, Steve) and the atmosphere surrounding the team is electric. It’s impossible to be here and not be caught up in it.

    There’s a family awaiting you in the Burgh. Join us and you won’t be disappointed. You know you want to.

  69. HF29 weighed in earlier with his reasons (24 Cups and hottie Carey). While I don’t think you need any more reasons than that, ESPECIALLY considering the matching Chiefs/Habs jerseys (can you say fate?) let me add the following:

    Montreal is the Eastern seaboard’s Euro-cool, all cafes and Irish pubs and French food, a perfect antidote/foil to Vancouver’s West Coast, Asian-influenced, granola, Birkenstock mountain bent. (Although if you fancy a mountain, Mount Royal in Montreal is a beautiful piece of parkland).

    The Habs are hockey Royalty. The Nuck’s are serfs. Vancouver’s name is even the watered and dumbed-down nickname for Canadians (but not Canadiens). Silly, when you think about it. Even the Rochester Amerks are really called the Americans.

    The Canadiens find a jersey and colour scheme and stick to it. No need to break the bank for the latest trendy teal/black/orca plastered monstrosity. Pick home or away, pick your favourite legend (many to choose from!) and proudly wear until it needs replacing. Simple.

    Want youth? Price, the Tits brothers, Plekanec, O’Byrne, Chipchura and Mad Max have you covered.

    Like veterans with skill and talent, good guys to root for? Koivu is your guy.

    Need an enigmatic head-case Russian who flys planes, sports a mullet, and disappears for stretches? Got one.

    Want a management team that isn’t working like a monkey throwing feces at the wall to see what sticks? Join the FHF and Trust in Bob.

    Want every game on tv, Centre Ice be damned? RDS lets you follow the Habs and brush up on your second language skills all at the same time.

    Pick the Habs and fans of every other team might say “man, I hate those guys”, but they can’t say “why them?” No one wants to suffer the slings and arrows of 40-odd years of falling short like Leaf fans. No one needs the aggravation of a provincial set-to of small-market silliness like the Flames and Oilers. No one needs to be attached to everyone in Ontario and Quebec’s second favourite team in Ottawa. Sun belt teams are an abomination. Don’t get us started on the Bruins or Flyers or Rangers. Whether opposing fans like it or not, the Habs try to do things the right way, play an exciting brand of hockey, and sell out their rink and everybody else’s too. If you leapt off the Canucks and on the the Canadiens in 1979 you’d be a bandwagon jumper, but joining up after 15 mostly miserable years is like buying low on a blue chip stock (and just as speculative … but I digress.)

    The first 100 years were pretty good … join up now for a second century of Les Glorieux!

  70. I’m late to the conversation, but like some of the other guys have said, the ‘Burgh boys’ have alot to offer a woman like yourself. Youth, talent and good looks to name a few. My girlfriend revealed to me this past season that she absolutly adores Bing. Leaves me wondering if she accually bought all those posters of him for our den for me, like she claims, or herself. But a great team all around, and fun and exciting to watch.

  71. What are we fake liveblogging?

    You know I’m saying the Sabres should be your team right? Of course you do! Well, I guess these can be my reasons.

  72. No matter when or how they happen breakups are horrible. It’s like a death of something. I’m divorced…my marriage died. All the hopes and dreams I had on the wedding day were signed away in one fell swoop with the divorce papers. Ironically enough my divorce became final on the same day that would have been our 13th wedding anniversary. No doubt about it it sucks. But…I am remarried, and happy…it all happens for a reason! I grew, I learned, and I left with my dignity in tact. And no squabbles over teams at all! It will get better as time goes by. I personally was a MN Northstars fan until they no longer existed in MN. Now I live in AZ and am a coyotes fan. Times change, teams change, relationships change. But LIFE goes on!

  73. Time for a fake points round;

    Dani +7 for the one liner and linking your reason. I should hold a liveblogging roundtable. Who is down?

    baughb +4 since I have mentioned them before and points for obscurity! Love it.
    HF10 +8 for second best oration, you are swaying me…
    Justin M -15 so like you only want me around when it’s convenient? I am not a fuck buddy.
    Eyebleaf +5 for paying attention to the point of making a case
    Turd +3 most excellent and noted.

  74. oh Heather,
    going for the pens would be worse than going for the leafs. At least leafs fans are loyal, where the hell did all those pens come from? Were they resurrected with the second coming of Jesus – hockey Jesus that is. Fuck Hockey Jesus and nuts to his dinkus daddy. As a resident of Halifax (Hometown of Hockey Jesus), may I just point out that Hockey Jesus is a selfish wad. His superstitions are so strong that he will inconvenience others to uphold them – what a cunt. How could you support a team that promotes such bullshit? You can not and should not. To be a fan indicates that you would tolerate such bullshit – it is unfathomable.

    You would have to tolerate ‘fleshy the kid’ (no bodily hair here), all the while knowing that Pittsburgh are going to run out of money and will not be able to afford that refreshing glass of letang, nor are you ever really going to get that free moustache ride on the Talbot express that they promised. At best, they might let you pet Petr Jr (the chinchilla, not the wang). The Pens are all – “this is Sid’s world – Talbot and Letang just live in it”.

    Furthermore, having a Staal means nothing, all 30 teams now have a Staal, as does half of the KHL. What else do the Pens have to offer? A bunch of guys who are too illiterate to be able to pronounce Evgeni, some mute named Evgeni, and Marc-Andre “I fuck-up at the worst possible times” Fleury.

    Also, please remember that Sid’s dad beats up ladies. No really, he went apeshit on someone I know. Her son was a defenceman in minor hockey, and he dared to defend his own zone against precious Sid. It made Sid’s dad go coo-coo.

    Perhaps you should just say nuts to the NHL and go DEL – it’s still all Canadians anyway.

  75. How could all of you ignorant hockey fans have anything bad to say about Sid. He is the consummate professional. He answers all the media’s questions and never shows any gamesmanship. Im not even going to go into his statistics. I mean if you have to argue Sid’s body hair as one of your points to not like him then maybe you should do some more research, but good luck in finding bad press on the kid. He has been accused of being a diver but if you agree with that then you should just become a devils fan because you obviously dont like the new NHL and would prefer clutch and grab hockey. Im sorry Q-girl that you have to turn your bitterness towards the Pens because Toronto hasnt done crap since ’67.

    You say Sid is superstitious. Hell yeah he is superstitious! Hockey players are some of the most superstitious people in the world! Do you watch the pre and post games or do you just pretend to watch the game while sipping on Mike’s hard lemonade while your boyfriend has no idea you are actually just fantasizing about mr. clean…i mean sundin’s bald head?

    As for Max and any of the other players on the team, they would love to sit down and have a beer with you and bullshit. You can catch the players hanging out downtown at any of the bars on multiple occasions and will definitely chill with you. They dont act like stars they act like typical twenty somethings that like to have a good time.

    If you want to get into the particulars, i can argue with you all day. You want to argue cap space, Shero has that under control. He is one of, if not the most, intelligent and charismatic GM’s in the league. I know you wet yourself when you look at us down the middle, dont lie.

    You want to talk goaltending? come on, im a toskala fan but look at his sv% and GAA and you’ll find the Flower is superior in both categories. Oh yeah, why dont you check out both of their playoff stats…oh wait, you finished 12th in the conference. Well check out Fleury’s anyway. In case you havent noticed Fleury is still really young for a goaltender and he is already a superstar. i cant wait until the season starts to watch his level of play rise exponentially.

    I could go on and on and you may be lucky enough to see me on here again, but ill end in this. Mario Lemieux would never ever consider leaving the Pens! And can you guess what the latest and greatest rumor is? The nucks have plenty cap space and your ancient flagship warrior sundin is being shopped by them.



    heard you need some defensemen, we got a crap ton. if you want to send a prospect or draft pick our way we would appreciate it because, you know, we spend to the cap so we can win and unloading a Sydor of Scuderi would be as detrimental to our roster as you missing a Leafs game.

  76. oh yeah, and the ef word and Jesus should never be used in the same sentence no matter how you mean it. sorry, didnt mean to get all religious but have some class!

  77. thats one thing you’ve got going for you. who’s your team? sorry, i didnt mean to rant but you know us hockey fans, we may be few but we are the most passionate.

  78. Can someone please remind me to whine like Sid (or Brendan) the next time someone disses on Marty and the Devils. Good? k!

    We all have a team, we love and we all have some teams we hate, but we all don’t act so self-righteous when someone has “the nerve” to diss on our team or our players.

  79. i am not being self righteous, i am merely defending my team and giving reasons as to why one would want to become a Pens fan…that is the reason we are here is it not?

    Your last post just shows that you have run out of things to say, which i could have told you from your last post since you went right for the “Sid whines and cant grow a beard” argument. nevermind his Hart, Lester, and Art Ross trophies. No, all you can say is the same thing all you Sid haters say. Get a clue, educate yourself. Watch youtube, something!!! or maybe you can just watch your team set up the neutral zone trap and haul down everyone because they skate like they have lead in their boots.

  80. i am a leafs fan. wrap: leafs leafs leafs!!!

    Brendan, how do you really feel?

    and, uhm, here are the career stats for toskala and fleury:

    GP: 183
    Wins: 76
    GAA: 2.95
    SV%: .905

    GP: 181
    Wins: 98
    GAA: 2.49
    SV%: .910

    Sure, Fleury’s young, and Vesa played on some great Sharks teams, but last season was the first time he ever put up better numbers than my man Toskala. Fleury’s a great young goalie, no one’s denying that, but wait until he develops just a little bit of consistency before you blow his horn.

    based on those numbers alone, ALONE, i think even you would go with toskala.

    and you’re talking about us in leafland needing a d-man? you guys are the one who picked up one from us for your stanley cup push. so, easy big fella. we’re good on the back end. we’ve got jeff finger, thank you very much.

  81. hey hey hey, i love Leafs fans and the Leafs. Any original six team is fine by me and thanks for Hal, can you lend us Kaberle??? I always mark my calender when the Leafs come to the Steel City. They are awesome fans and great to talk hockey with. I always meet up with them, usually at the Souper Bowl after games and drink and discuss and make fun of each others teams, both sides, until closing. I see your stats on the two netminders but remember that Flower was injured for a great portion of the season. He will be huge, he didnt get picked first overall for nothing. Dont get me wrong, im a huge Vesa fan and great things will come his way. Anyway, i wasnt trying to say anthing bad about the Leafs but when people refer to them and my Guins in the same post, even if they arent necessarily Leafs fans, and use foul language i have to step up a bit. i hope you understand.


  82. Steve Lepore July 14, 2008 at 6:28 am

    I pride myself on being a sentimental fella.

    By the way, celebrity fans: Kevin Smith (NJ) > Mike Myers (TOR).


    And Lil’Jon (Atl) > K. Smith…Does Lil’Jon make a movie about marrying Adam Sandler? Nope.

    So yeah, you want a team. Specifically im a Penguins fan. However I will admit, too many people do bandwagon to good teams (im not one of them). So if you’re looking for mediocrity, check out the Atlanta Thrashers. Despite having a good fan base (when they’re winning), the ownership is nuttier than squirrel poo, and our top center is Todd White who, Matt Stajan is ten times better than. What more can you ask for?

    Oh positives? Well. We have Kovalchuk….and…well we have Kovalchuk, and Ted Turner…oh wait :/.

    So check out blueland. Not to mention, we can use a better blogger :D

  83. Brendan, I am sorry that my curses offend your delicate eyes.

    I suspect that you want me to get off the juice and be serious for a second. I can’t do that – my liver won’t let me. So, I am not a Sid loving Zombie. I never said he sucks (except on a pacifier). Ahhhh, Sid is a baby jokes – is there nothing better to piss off an impassioned Pens fan? I think not (I do not want to hear any responses indicating that I clearly fail to think).

    I must say, I am very proud of you for assuming I just drink and dream of taking the bone from hockey players – how forward thinking of you. In fact my entire persona is based on just such a caricature. You will make some lucky lady a very fine husband.

    As for me, I aspire to someday be an ice girl, and later a trophy wife. I gots it all worked out. Apparently you gots me all worked out too.

    I am a QMJHL hockey fan – with each passing year I pay less attention to hockey that I cannot touch. I live in a small city, QMJHL lives in a small city – as such we have become lovers. The long distance thing with the NHL has become too much to tolerate…and you know what the guys are like when they get out on the road.

    That being said, as a Q fan I have lived through the baby Crosby years, the baby Talbot years, the baby Letang years (he is fresh off the teat), and the baby Fleury years. I am currently living through the baby Grant and Veilleux years.

    I can’t pretend I haven’t seen your baby Pens in action. I am just saying that my love and devotion is not motivated by stats-bits, and I do not necessarily love those whom I am told I must love. I do not live in a society where forced marriage is law.

    I do, however, have mad love for Grant, Letang and Veilleux…unfortunately the passion starts to wane when they get Pittsburgh cooties.

  84. Q-girl is absolutely entitled to talk about Hockey Jesus however she likes. And do not scold her for Hockey Jesus, take that up with Melt Your Face Off. They created the name which is completely accurate.

    Ryan, go on….I have made kissy faces and batted my eye lashes at the Caps.

    Ahem, if anyone plans on selling me on the Pens, avoid using Sidney Crosby. I so dislike him.

    Besides, I should just cheer for the Tampa Bay Penguins. I mean, Pittsburgh Lightning…

  85. Also on the Celeb Fans notion…

    Denis Leary and Dropkick Murphys (BOS) > Lil Jon (ATL)

  86. Jon needs to get his Kevin’s straight. Kevin JAMES is the gentleman who married Adam Sandler in a film.

    Kevin SMITH is the director of Clerks, Dogma and Chasing Amy. AKA Silent Bob.

    So yes, Kevin Smith > Denis Leary > L’il Jon.

    Btw, Kevin James is an Isles fan.

  87. What team does Jared Spurgeon’s brother play for? Oooh, I know this one! The Edmonton Oilers.

    We take care of those good Western boys.

  88. Hi! This is my first time reading this blog and I’m enjoying it. Good stuff! While I am here, I figure I might as well throw in a couple of good words for the greatest team in all known sports history: the New Jersey Devils. Hyperbolic? Maybe. Am I saying it anyway? Fo’ sho’. Here are some reasons that you should become a Devils fan today!

    1. The league, other teams fans, and the mainstream hockey media as a whole fucking HATES the Devils. It is always more fun to root for the misunderstood outcast and even when the Devils were at the top of their game they were still being labeled the underdogs. They are rebels (but they have a cause: to kick everyone else’s ass…at hockey.)

    2. No mindlessly exorbitant spending (piss off Leafs and Rangers) just good reasonably priced signings. We don’t get many superstars here in Jersey, but we don’t get much disappointment either.

    3. John Madden is the man. A very ugly man – but the man nonetheless. Ditto for Jay Pandalfo and everyones favorite Christmas elf: Sergei Brylin. How can one team have 3 certified definitive “the mans”? Answer: they are the New Jersey Devils, thats how!

    Annnnd I already typed too much. Don’t forget that Marty Brodeur is a giant huggable teddy bear (and the greatest goalie ever) and that we are totally gonna win the cup this year. Oh, and Lou will give you Werther’s originals if you push him in his rocking chair for a little bit; free candy is always a bonus.

    If not the Devils, then please pick the Coyotes. Not because they are anything special but because I feel bad for them. I live in Phoenix and I can tell you first hand: no one gives a shit about them and their arena is literally in the middle of the desert. Need I say more?

    If someone actually read all this, I applaud you.

  89. I know right? He should never hide his lovely, lovely hair which I assume smells like green apples. Jared uses Suave. None of the expense shampoo nonsense…

  90. This has given me a weird vision of a majestic pineapple urchin that smells of green apples. I don’t know how I feel about that.

  91. I love “misunderstood outcasts”. I can’t believe that there are 3 devils fans on this one wall, let alone in the whole world.

    Jared is a lovely more extreme and effectively styled version of my defenceman Gab. He must use that ‘do’ to blind his enemies.

  92. You want to go with a team who is hated by the mainstream media? Go with the Flyers. They don’t get any love except from their fans. (Admittedly, we are rabid, but we care, damnit.) There’s history there, some great players… I would certainly consider them.

    But I probably wouldn’t become a Devils fan if I were you. I’ll give you that they’re a good time, but given your situation, you could do better than go for a team whose goalie slept with his sister-in-law (and then married her). Just saying…

  93. I apologize for the insinuations I made about Jared. I’m big enough to admit that it was jealousy over the hair. Mine is wavy instead of spiky, which is not manly at all. A defense (defence?)men I am not.

    And yeah Q-Girl, I came to this blog from Greg Wyshynski’s on Yahoo (plugs do wonder, don’t they?) to see if the Devs were getting their due and was amazed to see 2 other people supporting them. Greg is (amazingly enough) a Devils guy as well, so I think they have rather sterling blogosphere credentials. The fire and ice blog that Tom Gullitti does is also top notch.

  94. ha, offend, thats a good one. it takes more than that to kill a bull moose.

    anyway, people are going to get a little riled up when discussing teams here. im probably wrong and should be proud that you refer to the kid as Hockey Jesus. But, for sure, i am anything but delicate… i wish i could be sometimes because i heard somewhere chicks dig that. But q-girl, i applaud you in your efforts to derail me. you are right, it is easy to get under the skin of a Pens fan by making fun of Sid, well played, an area where delicacy does not come at a premium.

    I too do not love my team because of stats and “whom I am told I must love” but because they have always been my team. When you have a veritable God in Mario growing up to watch how could you not love such a team. Couple that with playing hockey since i was three and you got a lethal cocktail of hockey fanaticism.

    Im sure everyone is tired of hearing about Sid, Evgeni, Staal, Sykie, Flower, the defensive core and all of our role players. We do have an awesome team, there is no denying that. We have a loyal fanbase, there is certainly no denying that, we are Pittsburgh remember? Sports is a religion and culture here. The great thing about being a Pens fan is that we know how to be fans and we will talk to anyone who wants to talk hockey(or any sport for that matter…bleh). Sorry Flyers fans, this doesnt pertain to you.

    Anyway, i want to get away from the f you this f you that discussion because what we really should be doing is uniting and be the hockey fans we were born to be and take down the NFL!!!! ok, thats a bit unrealistic, but would it not be awesome?

    anyway, Vancouver ’10 baby!!! i love Olympic hockey… sorry about the Vancouver reference but come on, hockey is hockey and Olympic hockey it awesome!

    Lets Go Pens!

  95. oh, and your reference to Pittsburgh South? hilarious. not really sure what that organization is trying to accomplish. They are now shopping Sydor and Scuds. Please take Sydors contract off our hands, that would be great.

    celebrity Pens fans: Snoop, Lil Wayne, and a Tribe Called Quest. yeah yeah, i know, all rappers but i had to throw that in there. not a hip hop fan myself but i dont judge… well unless youre a flyers fan.

  96. How about the Red Wings? They’re more reliable than any team in the league over the course of the last two decades, they are rich in tradition and history, they have a loyal, albeit largely broke, fan base, we are near the Canadian border (although, I’m a bit bitter about being called Sergei (as in Fedorov) in one of the Windsor bars this past fall), and you end up cheering on one of the Original 6!

    We have the Euro-twins; Hank and Pav, two of the most dynamic players in the league, who just shut down the Lord Savior Sidney Christ in the Finals. We’ve got happy Hudler, who has the excitement of a 12 year old out there on the ice, even if he is smaller than one! Sure he’s inconsistent, but he’s fun! We’ve got the rock of rocks, the most dominant defenseman in the game in Nick Lidstrom (who’s so far out of the spotlight, that even the NHL mispells his name!). Val Filppula, Johan “The Mule” Franzen, and Marian Hossa (who was so set on playing for a Cup, he took less money and less term than he could have earned from other teams) would be a first line in many cities, but could possibly be the line sent out to follow-up the “Circus!” I could go on and on about our talent, and most hockey fans are probably sick of hearing about it!

    We’re one of the most despised teams in the league, and it’s not due to dirty play. It’s not like the goons in Anaheim, or the mavericks in Philly; we beat you with talent. We don’t back down to the “tougher” teams, but we certainly don’t have to be one to beat anyone. Our play style is exciting; plenty of offense, and little opportunity for our opponenets. We were one of the top offenses, and the top defenses this past season. The puck-possesion style has attracted players from far and wide, and many teams will begin to mimic the style in the near future. We have a beautiful mix of young and old, and our player development is second to none. We are loyal to our players, and our management creates a family atmosphere that convinces players to buy into our system.

    The fanbase is much more loyal than the economic turmoil allows us to display; this city was alive for the parade with some estimates placing 1.4 million in the city of Detroit for the Cup celebration (I was there, and what a day that was!). Personally, I am one of the larger Wing-nuts; I catch every game in one way or another, wear a jersey each and every game day, and I have literally organized dates, meetings, etc. around Wings games, just to ensure that I am in front of the TV with my Labatt when the puck is dropped. My relationships have even been influenced by hockey, and more importantly the Red Wings. I can’t go to a gas station during the playoffs without having a short conversation with someone about the Wings. I would continue, but this is a pitch for the Red Wings, not a display of my own fandom.

    Sure, there are the Sidney Crosby’s, the Alexander Ovechkin’s, the Joe Thornton’s; but what is key when mentioning these names is that, you think of them, then the team. The Red Wings are the Red Wings; faceless unless a fan. Faceless until Zetterberg tears up the ice. Faceless until the Norris is awarded to Lidstrom again. We’re known as chokers, until we win 4 Cups in 11 years (yet, the Ducks, the Avs, the Sharks, the Pens, the Rangers, etc. are not…). We buy Cups, until we raise the Yzerman’s, Zetterberg’s, and Lidstrom’s through our own ranks, and just do a good job keeping everyone. The Wings are an organization not represented by a player, but by a team, and we fans are lucky to cheer for them, and more importantly, feel as though we are part of the organization as well.

    So, that’s my pitch; yeah, we have a ton of Europeans (Don Cherry certainly doesn’t like it), and the Cup has been pooped in by a newborn, and dented in a bar recently, but you cannot deny the fun, the entertainment, and the talent of the Red Wings.

  97. PENNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSS!!! dont lie, you know you love you some Kris Letang and if you become a fan i just may share him with you… thats a big maybe though… ;)

  98. We also have dreamy teenage swedes with the ability to deliver deft long range touch passes, fans who despise Sidney Crosby and Evegeni Malkin, a goaltender who once banged Paris Hilton and probably next year’s rookie of the year Karl Alzner in addition to Mr. Alexander Mikhailovich Ovechkin

    And we stole Matt Cooke from the Canucks for poo poo Matt Pettinger, so that’s gotta be a good thing right?

  99. Can I also interest you in a mohawked young defenceman who skates like the wind and will win the Norris trophy once Lidstrom retires/croaks at centre ice?

  100. No but I just did now…we have lots of prospects in Hershey, like Simeon Varlamov and Michal Neuvirth, and the last two QMJHL scoring champs in Francois Bouchard and Mathieu Perrault. And we’ve got last years Finnish Elite League rookie of the year in Oskar Osala and lots of other great prospects like Andrew Gordon and Josh Godfrey. And how can you not love Battling Brooks Laich or Feds or Kozy or Backy or Ovie?

    I know Alzner played for the Hitmen, so you might not like him, but from what I read of development camp, he’s going to be a STUD

    THIS is the real powerhouse team in the East…not Pittsburgh. We don’t have old retreads like Ruslan Fedotekno and Miro Satan..we actually have decent young players that love to play and are fun to watch

  101. And how can you not love a coach who says

    “Tampa says theyre going to win the Division, so if we finish in second place we’ll be happy”

    Thats better than all the Free Candy in the world

  102. I actually don’t mind the Hitmen at all. I know they are a solid team. And I figured they were going to be a threat for the road to the Memorial Cup. I kinda like those boys. But don’t ever tell my Chiefs that.

  103. Would it also help that former Washington Capitals legend Trent Whitfield played for Spokane? :D

  104. Hey, for a more current Cheif; if I’m correct, Mr. Mike Babcock was a coach for the Chiefs once upon a time…

    He’s certainly been a great coach for the Wings…

  105. You can boast your finnish elite league rookie of the year all you want. The Pens grabbed the best player in the entire league in Janne Pesonen!

    Yeah, Satan and Fedotenko arent the greatest players in the world but they arent dime a dozen players like clark and fleishmann… lest i continue. also when you play for a bunk team like the isles than youre probably not going to do that well.

    I dont know where you are getting “powerhouse” from because you only have one real star. fedorov is over the hill, nylander is broke, besides green and maybe poti your defense is a joke, and what am i forgetting…hmmm….what is that important position one plays to protect the net from the puck from going in called again? oh yeah, a goaltender. you dont have a goaltender! You dont have a team, let alone a powerhouse without one of those.

    i dont know what team you are watching but its definitely not the same team the Pens spank every time we play them. I was at the verizon center for a game last season, you know the one where laich put in a goal for us, and there were more Pens fans there than caps fans and you could hear the LETS GO PENS! chant the entire game on the tele and couldnt hear the caps fans at all. the bars surrounding definitely had way more Pens fans in them also. Your fanbase is as much of joke as your team.

  106. keep in mind, sundin’s an old school cat. this year years ago, before the mo and faux hawks were in style…

    god damn he’s aged so much. he came to toronto a boy, and now he may leave us a man.

  107. I’ll also pitch the Red Wings to you.

    – Let’s start at the top. The Detroit Red Wings have an owner in Mike Illitch who is dedicated to making that team the best in the NHL. Does he have a few faults? Yes (the Larry Aurie problem comes to mind), but you don’t need to worry about having any ownership problems. He wants to win, and he is dedicated to bringing in (and most importantly, keeping) the best management in the league with the Winged Wheel.

    – Oh yeah, that Management team. Ken Holland, Jim Nill, Jim Devellano, and Steve Yzerman. It’s like the Dream Team of NHL Front Offices. The first three are all former professional scouts, and Stevie is generally recognized as one of (if not the) greatest NHL Captains of all time. This is a GM team that has a proven track record of identifying talent and bringing in the right players to the Red Wings, which is why they have the best track-record of any team in North American professional sports right now. While other teams floundered after their star players left, the Red Wings built new ones to take over. You want a Free Agent at the right price to do what your team needs? They’ll do that for you. You never have to worry about someone not wanting to play for the Red Wings because of these guys. Every year, you have a team that is going to compete.

    – By the way, how about the best scouting in the league? Håkan Andersson and Joe McDonnell are scouts people would kill for. They consistently get results out of lower-round players. Henrik Zetterberg, Pavel Datsyuk, Johan Franzen, Niklas Kronwall, Tomas Holmstrom, Valtteri Filppula, Jiri Hudler, Darren Helm, Derek Meech, Kyle Quincy and many more. Just look at Jonathan Ericsson, a big center who Andersson suggested would make a great defender. Taken last in the 2002 draft, he’s now a 6’5″ machine who is probably going to break into the stacked defensive Corps this year and has been called a “stud” by many analysts. Due to their fantastic development system, the Red Wings have logjams of talent on offense, defense, and goalie (Yes, they have some really great youngsters like Daniel Larsson and Thomas McCollum, who are ready to knife-fight with Howard for the future starting position once Osgood leaves). If you want a great Fin, upgrade from the Rookie of the Year to the Finish MVP, Ville Leino.

    – EXTRA BONUS: The Red Wings also have one of the best scouting websites out there, Red Wings Central (, which keeps you up-to-date with all the best prospects in the Red Wings system. Bruce MacLeod’s site has monthly Power Rankings for prospects, gives you articles from all levels to read, has analysis and career projections for each prospect, as well as spotlight articles on rising stars. If you want to know something about the Red Wings at any level, you’ll likely find it there.

    – If you like the Sedins, prepare to upgrade to Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk.

    – Great coaching staff. People are happy to get an Assistant Coach from Detroit, which speaks volumes to their quality. Mike Babcock (As mentioned above, a Chiefs alumni), is the best coach in the league and has developed a system that prides itself on teamwork, two-way play, and execution. He can mix and match lines when he needs to, and he also has Scotty Bowman (Special Consultant) to get advice from.

    – The Red Wings play the complete game. They can dominate defensively while putting up gaudy numbers against their opponents. They were ranked #1 for GAA, and #3 for GFA, giving them the best goal differential in the league. By comparison, their differential was nearly 3 times higher than Pittsburgh and nearly SEVEN times higher than Washington. On average, Detroit shoots 10.9 more shots against their opponent. Don’t like stupid penalties? The Red Wings take fewer penalties than any team in the league, and are still able to keep up a tenacious and physical forecheck.

    – You have a team that competes every year. Right now, the Wings have tied the record for consecutive 100-point seasons (8) with the Scotty Bowman Canadiens. They have 6 President’s Trophies to go along with their 4 Cups, more than anyone (5 other teams have only 2). While people talk about them as “chokers”, they only have 3 First-Round exits and 3 Second-Round exits since the 1994-1995 season. In comparison, they have 7 Conference Finals Appearances, with 5 Stanley Cup Finals appearances and 4 Cup victories. Generally speaking, people choke on that when they hear it.

    – The greatest urban renewal project you can find. Free Agents come to Detroit and find new careers: look at Chris Chelios, Dan Cleary, and Brad Stuart for good examples. Free Agents who come to Detroit often flourish in the team-oriented system Detroit has in place.

    – You don’t need to tie yourself to just one player. People brag about Ovechkin, Crosby, and Iginla… but who needs them when you have a team of great players? Detroit is an entire team of great players to pick from, and everyone has a chance to shine. From Hudler to Franzen, no-names become stars in Detroit. You want the best starting line in Hockey? Prepare for Zetterberg-Datsyuk-Hossa, who can put up 4 goals on you in a game AND can be a shutdown line against an opponent’s top line. Guys like Malkin, Crosby, and Ovechkin don’t have the two-way play that these guys have. You want a defenseman to love? Our top four is locked in and prepared to stay for a while. The best 1-2 pairing in the league (Lidstrom/Rafalski), and the best 3-4 pairing (Kronwall/Stuart). They can all skate, pass, block, and score. That second pairing delivers some of the hardest-hitting hockey you can find.

    In all honesty, if you want a team that won’t betray your trust, look at the Red Wings. They’ve been a great team for nearly twenty years now. They are one of the classiest organizations in sports, and they come to play every year. They have players, management, and a tradition that you can be proud of, and you’ll have a team that is the measuring stick by which all others are judged.

  108. Er, the smiley was actually supposed to be a parenthetical “8”, for everyone who was wondering. Whoops!

  109. First of all that was Backstrom who put the puck in our own net. And the only reason they sell to Pittsburgh fans is because they threatened to go to the Feds on us for not doing so, while at the same time they found it convenient to not sell tickets to Detroit fans.

    *Satan and Fedotenko are washed up..unlike Clarkie (who was hurt all last year) and Fleischmann (who’s still a kid)

    *We have a great young defence core in Shoane Morisonn, Iron Mike Green, and potentially Karl Alzner. All of whom are under 25 as I recall. What young D man do the Pens have besides Letang?

    *Pittsburgh can’t even spend to the cap because they don’t have their own building, and are in trouble today cause of one of their financial deals with casinos falling thru.

    *Of course I know Matt Cooke is in Pittsburgh now…the point of that was to say how we stole him from the now hated Canucks for poo poo Matt Pettinger.

    *The Washington Capitals were also one of the best DEFENSIVE teams in the entire league last year (look it up) and have one of the top farm systems in the game as rated by HockeysFuture. And we also had a bunch of picks in one of the deepest drafts in memory this year where the Pens had ONE IN THE FIRST 119!!

    But the point of this is not to rebut your silly ill informed arguments. Rather it is to convince dear Heather here as to why she should become a fan of my beloved Washington Capitals.

    And you still don’t have Alexander Mikhailovich Ovechkin. And we do. So there :P

  110. I’m not sure what to say anymore. This comment thread is so amusing. I’m throwing in the towel. I want to keep the Sabres. I’m selfish.

    I think I’m pulling for Team Q-girl.

  111. Team Q-Girl will not fade quietly into the night.

    But I’m definitely not gonna type a comment as big as the red wing people. Short and sweet is the key!

    I’ll post Oduya hair later, I gotta go to work now.

  112. Hey, I had a lot to talk about. :P

    To be fair, Oduya has a neat min-fro to go along with a name that could probably double as an internet meme.

    Generally speaking, the Wings have a few Swedes who pull the long-hair. Here’s Hank.

    You also have Kyle Quincy pulling the “Jared” look:

  113. Oh please, just end the suspense. You KNOW you want the Sharks and the chance to be Jeremy’s girl for one last year. All those boys can’t possible compete with that mug!

    As an added benefit, you’ll get your heart broken every May!

  114. Hmm. No one else really has that look, though a few of the Wings (Meech and Lebda) have the tussled up look.

    Jan Mursak has the “I don’t have enough hair for a mohawk, so I’m going to make it into a point” look:

    If you like hilarious dye jobs, you can look at Val and laugh for a while:

    But looking at these, I’m afraid you’re going to be looking at fairly standard “Short and Neat” or the “Swedish Longhair” look from most of these guys. Nothing along the lines of a “Mike Green”, I suppose. Obviously an area they need to work on in the off-season.

  115. Backstrom…whatever. I was laughing too hard and was sitting on the other end of the ice. What was it, .28, .29 seconds left in the third in a 2-2 game?

    Are you seriously asking me about young defencemen? How about Ryan Whitney, Alex Goligoski, you mentioned Kris Letang, or Brooks Orpik? We also have Gonch and Eaton even though they arent young but they certainly arent old. Hal Gill, Rob Scuderi, and Darryl Sydor… if you dont think thats a solid core than i dont think you watch hockey. Hell, you didnt even bring up your goaltending situation. Have fun watching pucks fly into your net with Brent Jokeson backstopping you.

    You want to talk AHL and your phenomenal farm system, check out your first round exit to the Baby Pens who outscored the bears 22-10 in a 4-1 series. You caps fans must be getting used to these first round exits by now, no? they barely squeeked into the Stanley Cup Playoffs. I think we all know what happens when the caps play the Pens in the playoffs anyhow, should that happen again…ahem jim carey.

    Oh and we are only a couple mil under the cap because Shero has to leave room for deadline day and possible trades. the casino is getting built and whoever builds it has to help pay for the arena. Hell, im sure he would unload Sydor just to free up some cap space for a fourth round pick and Sydor is no joke! You think ol mcphee would be interested? Sydor and a first rounder for Green? eh eh??

    We will see how Fedotenko and Satan play on a good team.

    oh, yeah, and we have Malkin….and Sid. Say what you will about ovie but you just dont have the strength down the middle buddy.


    I look forward to watching Godard kick Brash’s ass.

  116. I have my own team now? I feel just like the home coming queen *weeps*. Thank you, thank you all.

    Speaking of Oduya, you should see Johnny’s Jr Hockey hair.
    Johnny with Moncton:
    Johnny with Victoriaville:

    While we are in Victoriaville let’s all take the time to look at baby Vermette just for fun –
    Everyone is better in baby form.

    I must say that I am not against Detroit, nor am I against Washington. Both are perfectly cromulent choices. I do like Washington’s farm, it grows delicious crops, but I am more pro-Detroit because of its team before stars mentality (just like the Devils). So while they did not show my sweet P-O love this year, they did give him a chance last year and I think that was nice of them. Plus he looked really good in a Detroit jersey. I think the boy was made to wear red and white (Drummondville, Halifax and Detroit all sport those colours). I am sad that he will have to be a business man now.

  117. oh and you can call me ill informed all day long but if youre saying 18th in the league in goals against makes you a top defensive team well then we arent watching the same NHL. The Pens were 7th if you were wondering. Im sure Johnson will help you with that stat.

  118. Wow… I’m new to your blog… but what a diverse group of opinions! I’m sorry to hear about your nasty break up. Remember, the heart needs time to heal (after a break-up or a game 5 triple overtime lose to the Pens in game 5!)… but in the mean time drown the brain with a bunch of ice cold beers! Hockey is my passion and a game is where I go to escape all the everyday normal shit. Enjoy the Chiefs… more now than ever… and when NHL center ice resumes… tune into fox sports Detroit. The Wings will make you smile… it’s a fact! Kristopher said all there is to say about hockeytown… screw all the haters who say we can’t even sell out games… we don’t need your economic lectures! I suggest you go with a Datsyuk jersey… he’s classy, a bit goofy lookin, but can take your breath away at any moment…. just like me!

  119. There have been a lot of stuff mentioned about teams, and quite a bit about Montreal. Allow me, a new reader to your blog, to mention something that I don’t think anyone has mentioned about Montreal and why you should decide on Montreal.

    In Bob we Trust.

    The only other GM I can say that their fans have the right to say that with is Ken Holland of the Detroit Red Wings.

    Bob isn’t the type of GM to break the bank to buy the shiney new toy (Re: Marian Hossa at trade deadline or even spend more for Sundin like say … the Canucks) but understands that we have a great team with a strong young core of players that doesn’t need to get all blowed up as soon as some big name hits the table.

    We’ve got flexibility, tons of good prospects and Bob isn’t afraid to pull the trigger when needed (sure he got next to nothing for Huet, but it’s better to get next to nothing and then absolutely nothing when he was gonna walk next year, see DC).

    And if people disagree, George is gonna beat the tar out of them.

    Do we need a little more to make it this year? Yes, not going to disagree with that especially after Detroit nabbed Hossa. However, we’re an exciting team to watch and Carey Price is a hottie as voted by the fans.

    I don’t think that point can be mentioned enough.

  120. I realize that I am so very late to the party, but seriously… Boston.

    Boston has it all: Great fans (forget “Red Sox Nation,” the Hub of Hockey comes with the Hub of Hockey’s Fans–the best fans ever and they hold the league together), even greater rivalries, and historically some of the best players in the history of the game. The hockey legacy in Boston is making a comeback. Be there when the Bruins show the world what they can do this season… or cry into some Guinness with the best fans in the world when the playoffs are over.

    If nothing else, join me in solidarity for the female hockey fan movement. Or don’t. Just remember that the traits displayed by Bruins fans that outsiders call “insanity” and “obsession” are really just dedication, loyalty and drunken rabblerousing (read: lively team spirit!).

  121. Emily: Let me just say right now that I honestly believe that the Bruins will do something great this year, whether it will be “proving Carey Price is a flash-in-the-pan” or “going back to the physical yet goal-scoring ‘Killer B’s’ style”. That or Jacobs kicks it.

  122. sorry about the rants… i get wrapped up in stats in the offseason to stay sane. anyway pictures of players seem pretty important in this forum so here are a few Pens to take the edge off:

    Kris Beech

    you know this guy well im sure


    fan fave Mad Max



    even though you arent a big fan, Bing




    The Gronk aka Jordan Staal



    Janne Pesonen


    ok…enough for now. sorry about the long post but im an insomniac and your blog here is helping to keep me entertained. i hope the links work…

  123. Heather

    I am very sorry to drag my pittsburgh hate into your comment thread.

    In making one final plea to you as a Caps fan, let me first point out two youtube videos

    from 1987

    and from 2008

    The names and the faces have changed (and so have, thank God, the outfits), but the passion of our fans remains. We love our team and our city, and we have stood by them time and time again as they have broken our hearts with thrilling OT losses, blown 3-1 series leads, and grandiose referee screwjobs (see the tackle of Cristobal Huet in this years playoffs). It is very rare indeed to find a fanbase that provides that much passion without being told when and when not to cheer and is actually full of decent working people and not corporate schmoes.

    Why do I keep coming back? Because the Caps embody the things I love about the District and the area I live in…hard work, dedication, and a desire to put our best foot forward in the face of adversity

    I love my city and I love my team…and I want you to love them too. And thats the best response I can make as to why you should root for my beloved Capitals.

    And furthermore, who had better hair than Joe Juneau? :P

  124. Also, NJ is such a rockin’ boyfriend, that when a player leaves them for some team with a flash in the pan goalie, a bigger *ahem*, or a fancy sports car, they soon realize their mistake and come crawling back on their hands and knees.

    You’ll be back Rafalski! Yes in your twilight of twilightiest years when no one else wants you – you will come crawling back.

  125. Those new caps jerseys are pretty sweet… so glad they went back to the old red sweater and old logo with the added touch of the w eagle.

  126. no joke, RZA spent most of his childhood growing up in Pittsburgh’s Hill District, thats right, the very same Hill dDistrict where the Mellon Arena is located and where the new arena will be located.

  127. Actually RZA and i go way back and we like to chill at the “O” and get a hotdog at 3 am after we get smashed in the strip district. Ok, that might be a bit of a stretch but it has been noted that RZA does like going to the “O” and i like getting smashed and going to the “O” at 3 am as well so maybe one time he was there and i was too drunk to realize it but of course that probably never happened. Anyway, im sure there is a good chance he is one since he lived a minute from the arena but who knows…

    @RoShaCla: desperate times… oh, and ill see YOU october 11th!

  128. Zach Parise is a lock at left wing on the hockey hottie dream team, but I also want to point out that the HHDT does not take account of a player having a heart of gold. Pando would hold the door for you and pull your chair out etc. You need a team that understands your needs!

  129. All bets were off. I was ready to drop gloves and perhaps fillet him afterward. I wanted to smash his precious flat screen TV, and I didn’t even care that it was his roommates. I felt compelled to snap his hockey stick. Cut the laces out of the skates that I bought for him.

    You know what? I wouldn’t have blamed you if you did. When I go to a hockey game, I could care less who you bring you self-centred prick. (Sorry, I’m totally not projecting).

    That being said, as a fan of THE best looking team in hockey, may I submit the Senators for approval? They might take you on a bit of a rollercoaster ride emotionally but you come out stronger and more in love in the end.

  130. How is getting to the finals then getting knocked out in the first round and then not making the playoffs at all (just a guess :) ) getting stronger?

    The Devils: hearts of gold, consistent, rebellious, and the home of the shortest player in the league! (even though we keep trying to trade him)

  131. Hearts of gold yes…

    But only Alexander Mikhailovich Ovechkin would offer you his bag of Lays Potato Chips in the middle of a skills competition

  132. Ovechkin’s unibrow is more prominent than the rest of his facial hair combined.


    (never mind that we have Bobby Holik…)

  133. I dunno…you included the Staal’s in hockey hottie team voting and they kind of look like cave men…

    Not saying I don’t think Ovechkin isn’t a fine young man, his face is just sideways.

  134. Well thats good. I always saw Jordan as kind of a doofus and Eric looks like a date rapist.

    But since I’m a straight dude, I don’t really know if my appraisals of other men are any good.

  135. heather
    Bethany has a new video with Ovie posted on her blog. He looks dreamy comrade. You should check it out.
    I also don’t like the Staals.

  136. Does Sergei Fedorov still count as dreamy?

    If he does, him, Ovie and Jose “Alvin, Simon” Theodore should put us over the top on Heather’s Hockey Hotties

  137. Really? Maybe I have some kind of talent at this. That or I’m comfortable commenting on if men are attractive or not (other option: secretly gay).

    Other alright looking Devils: David Clarkson (when he isn’t all bashed up from fighting), Dainius Zubrus (even though he is like 7 feet tall and has that “euro-man-slut” look to him), and Patrik Elias (well…not really, but you can tell he is sweetie pie!)

    I’m gonna go eat steak and kill something now. Excuse me…

  138. Did you know that the Devils are the favorite team of Bjork, Imogen Heap, the chick from Portishead and Fiona Apple?

    Those are some solid recommendations! (nevermind that I’m lying)

  139. For what it’s worth, I think you should play the field a bit – sample all the Center Ice package has to offer. The Edmonton Oilers don’t want to be your rebound. We’ll be waiting when you’re ready to commit.

  140. Moose, you totally get it. That is exactly what I want to do. I want to see what strikes my fancy. Flirt with them, bat my eye lashes, make out a few times. Sluts have all the fun anyways. Then I will settle on a team.

  141. Exactly. Those neutral zone trapping Canucks made you forget you’re a woman. Get back out there and enjoy yourself.

    You’ve got our number.

  142. The Devils are adaptable and patient. They can play slow or fast and are not afraid of a roster shake-up. They will wait for the prime opportunity to score, and once they have a lead they never give it up.

    Actually, that sounded creepier then it was enticing, but at least we arent the oilers. I mean…who wants to be covered in OIL? Seriously.

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