I lost the Canucks in the break up.
I am saying nothing profound when I state, “break ups suck.” Of course they do. It’s why so many people are still in relationships they aren’t happy in. No one wants to be the one who pulls the trigger. There is more glamour in being a victim in a break up.
So, I am the one with blood on my hands. I was a bit crazed. I had the bleach out and everything and I was shrieking, “out damned spot.” In the cleaning I rounded up all of his items, tossed into a box and got rid of them as soon as possible. There were tearful 3 am phone calls and sleepless nights avoided by staying up watching television. I was too emo to function.
There was something I forgot to toss in. The Chiefs season tickets.
I called him when I knew I would get his voicemail. ”
I thought I was going to vomit. He called back quickly and I did what girls do to hide the fact they are crying; chirping about inane utter fucking shit. Weather, global warming, anything. Then actually cry once they are off the phone. I have no idea where we learn this, we just know this.
Then the conversation that should have not been face to face;
HIM: “I just don’t want there to be any awkwardness…”
ME: “Right, I totally agree…”
HIM: “And, I mean, I don’t want you to be there when I am bringing girlfriends to games.”
All bets were off. I was ready to drop gloves and perhaps fillet him afterward. I wanted to smash his precious flat screen TV, and I didn’t even care that it was his roommates. I felt compelled to snap his hockey stick. Cut the laces out of the skates that I bought for him.
But as a classy woman, all I said through gritted teeth was, “Ok, I will move my seat.”
I will be at Chiefs games next season, eyes on my pretty pretty goalie in a seat yet to be determined, by myself. But I will be there. Because, I don’t fuck around. I feel I should point out, he only went to Chiefs games because I was going. They were mine, before they were his. I have lost enough in this breakup. He can have the Canucks. But I refuse to let him have the Chiefs.
The Canucks were always his team. I liked them and all, but I was never totally committed to them. they never felt like mine. I was always the girlfriend that liked them by proxy. I mean, the Sedins are pretty cool and it would be seven minutes of heaven in a closet with Alexandre Burrows.
Fuck it. I don’t want them anymore. It’s probably a good time for me to jump ship since I have no clue what the hell they are doing next season. Locking up Sanford? Are you shitting me? Really? Sanford? Canucks, do you hate your fans? Do you like to torment us as much as possible? Can I sue you for driving me to have, what will probably be, full blown alcoholism by November? Are you the latest tool of Gary Bettman? Is he going to shut you down and move you to fucking Hawaii? Are you going to be renamed the Oahu Pineapples or some shit?
You want the seats? Take them. I want the Luongo jersey back.
Markus Naslund wasn’t the only one who had a bitter breakup this summer.
Start making your cases, boyos. Homegirl needs to know who to watch on Center Ice next season.
EDIT: If you slogged through all that, please do me a favor and help Q-girl pick a new goalie boyfriend. AND THEN; vote in mine and “dave schultz” Hockey Hottie Dreamy Team Contest. You can vote here and then here on my page. I love promoting my friends.